I hate admitting I’m not the infallible creature many of you take me for, but the truth is, I don’t get to see every movie. Such was the case with The Internship. Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson’s latest two-guys-doing-something-they’re-too-old-for-and-being-awesome-at-it comedy opens today, with a script co-written by Vaughn himself and direction from master of comedy, Shawn Levy, director of such films as Real Steel and Date Night. But while I couldn’t make it to a screening, I’d like to think I made up for it by spending even more time reading every review, piecing together the plot bit by bit, and I’m convinced I came away knowing everything there is to know about The Internship. And now I share this knowledge with you.
Spoilers alert, in case that wasn’t obvious.
Billy (Vaughn) and Nick (Wilson) sell pricey wristwatches. -USA Today
They tell prospective clients that “you can’t control time, but you can manage it.” -Screencrush
They learn that the company they work for has gone out of business from a client they’re wining and dining, -USA Today
…because “no one wears watches anymore, they just look at their phones.” -NY Daily News
As if hearing such important news secondhand wasn’t bad enough, Billy finds himself sitting in an empty house after his girlfriend walks out on him, and Nick resorts to selling mattresses for his demented brother-in-law. But just when it seems like they’ve hit rock bottom, -TV Guide
Vaughn’s character performs a Google search using the words “jobs for people with few skills.” -VillageVoice
Rather than looking for new sales jobs, Billy decides they should take unpaid internships in a field they know nothing about. -USA Today
And then Nick and Billy video-conference their way into a summer internship at the world’s greatest company. -Chicago Trib
Though they clearly lied on their résumés, know nothing about tech and are old enough to remember when AOL was a hot stock, the company hires them alongside the 21-year-olds, anyway. -NY Post
How do two grown men without even a passing understanding of the Internet score internships at the world’s leading web company? Basically, by telling a sob story during their interview and positioning themselves as victims of the financial collapse. After all, Google isn’t made of stone! -AV Club