On this week’s Frotcast, we talk to our very own Pauly Dangerously, who was able to score some radio time with the most badass Mexican of all time, Danny Trejo.  Plus I play some prank calls we recorded over the weekend, we discuss the latest film news, I get made fun of for crashing my bicycle and nearly getting sodomized by a handlebar, and last but not least, Laremy from Film.com drops by to discuss Piranha 3D, and which porn stars’ bare breasts look the best while getting their legs eaten by piranhas in 3D. (Gianna Michaels). GIANNA MICHAELS TOPLESS PIRANHA 3D LESBIAN UPSKIRT GOOGLE!  Whoa, sorry.  I’ve got a rare form of tourette’s that makes me scream Google terms.

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Mail us your feedback, questions, suggestions, naked pictures, etc. at Frotcast@gmail.com.  Thanks again for all your support, you magnificent bastards.

James Cameron famously said that Piranha 3D “cheapens the medium of 3D” in the latest issue of Vanity Fair, and while his vast fortune might allow him to pay Thai ladyboys to eat Beluga caviar out of Porta-potty toilets while he pleasures himself, no amount of money can make Piranha 3D‘s producers take a cheap shot like that lying down. Today producer Mark Canton fired back in a scathing rambling 1,400 word response that was nothing if not long.  Consider yourself warned:

[...] “Jim, are you kidding or what? First of all, let’s start by you accepting the fact that you were the original director of PIRANHA 2 and you were fired. Shame on you for thinking that genre movies and the real maestros like Roger Corman and his collaborators are any less auteur or impactful in the history of cinema than you. Martin Scorcese made Boxcar Bertha at the beginning of his career. And Francis Ford Coppola made Dimentia [sic] 13 back in 1963. And those are just a few examples of the talented and successful filmmakers whose roots are in genre films. Who are you to impugn any genre film or its creators? [he's James Cameron. -Ed.]

“Having been deeply involved, as either an executive or as a producer, on Tim Burton’s original BATMAN and the first MEN IN BLACK, as well as 300, and now IMMORTALS, [NAME DROPPING, LOUD NOISES! -Ed.] one of the things that has been consistent about all of the filmmakers involved in these landscape-changing global films is that, in each and every case, all of the directors were humbled by their predecessors, their colleagues and by their awareness of the great history of film that came before them. The enjoyment and the immersion of an audience in a movie theatre, as they had and will have with the above-mentioned films, and as audiences are experiencing with PIRNAHA 3D now, comes from the originality and the vision of the filmmaker, and not just from the creation of the technology. [yep, originality, that's what separates Piranha 3D from the rest... -Ed.]

[...] “Let’s just keep this in mind Jim….you did not invent 3D. You were fortunate that others inspired you to take it further. The simple truth is that I had nothing but good things to say about AVATAR and my own experience since I actually saw it and didn’t damn someone else’s talent publicly in order to disassociate myself from my origins in the business from which we are all very fortunate [uh... what?]. To be honest, I found the 3D in AVATAR to be inconsistent [oh snap!] and while ground breaking in many respects, sometimes I thought it overwhelmed the storytelling. Technology aside, I wish AVATAR had been more original in its storytelling. [Full letter at Movieline]

Jeez, you’d think the producer of a movie where guy gets his wiener bitten off and spit out by piranhas would have a better sense of humor. In any case, thanks, Mark, we are all whinier pussies for having read that.

Last we heard from filthy-rich filmmaker James Cameron, he was using his new Titanium driver to hit California Condor eggs off the bare breast of Miss Slovenia on the deck of his luxury hovercraft.  Somehow, he still found time to talk to Vanity Fair.  They asked Cameron, whose directorial debut was on Piranha 2: The Swarm, about Piranha 3D.  As you’ll see below, the always-candid Cameron was candid as always.  Then he lit his bong with a $1000 bill and crank called the president.

Was there any sense of nostalgia when the Piranha movie came out last weekend?

Zero. You’ve got to remember: I worked on Piranha 2 for a few days and got fired off of it; I don’t put it on my official filmography. So there’s no sort of fond connection for me whatsoever. In fact, I would go even farther and say that… I tend almost never to throw other films under the bus, but that is exactly an example of what we should not be doing in 3-D. Because it just cheapens the medium and reminds you of the bad 3-D horror films from the 70s and 80s, like Friday the 13th 3-D. When movies got to the bottom of the barrel of their creativity and at the last gasp of their financial lifespan, they did a 3-D version to get the last few drops of blood out of the turnip. And that’s not what’s happening now with 3-D. It is a renaissance—right now the biggest and the best films are being made in 3-D. Martin Scorsese is making a film in 3-D. Disney’s biggest film of the year—Tron: Legacy—is coming out in 3-D. So it’s a whole new ballgame.

A new ballgame, eh?  Sounds like a real… (*puts on 3D glasses*) Game-changer. (*YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH…..*)

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Dammit, Hollywood.  This is why no one wants to encourage you. Piranha 3D gets decent reviews and does middling box office ($10 million on a $24 million production budget so far, number six at the box office), and you’re already making official sequel announcements.  IT’S BEEN OUT FOR LESS THAN A WEEK. What the hell is wrong with you people?

Dimension Films is pleased to announce that PIRANHA 3D – THE SEQUEL is in the works.  PIRANHA 3D producer Mark Canton stated, “We are thrilled that audiences are not just loving PIRANHA 3D, but cheering for it.  And it’s fantastic that so many critics are really getting the movie and recommending it.  We can’t wait to get to work on the sequel.” [from Dimension's press release]

I really hope this is just a clever publicity stunt to get people talking about Piranha 3D by having people like me bitch about it, because seriously?  It’s Piranha 3D.  It was already a remake.  Now you have to rehash it again? Why not just make Eel? Or Mega Trout?  Or Banana Fish?  The formula is people dying + tits, you didn’t discover cold fusion. You could call it Juggalo Baby Funeral as long as Kelly Brook gets motorboated by a porn star in the trailer.  Anyway, I can’t wait for the eventual Piranha reboot, based on the popular board game, spawned by the animated series, based on the video game, based on the 3D remake of 1978′s Piranha, based on DW Griffith’s original “Piranna!” from 1917. (The piranna were said to be a metaphor for the rise of uppityness in blacks).

This might not be related, but I really wanted to have Old Dirty Bastard singing Buttercup at the top of the page for the weekend.

OPENING THIS WEEKEND (trailers below)

• Piranha 3D.  Having a clever marketing campaign was one thing, but a movie called “Piranha 3D” tracking 83% on RottenTomatoes is an achievement on another level. Plus, it’s filled with gore and boobs and porn stars.  Heck, I’ll bite.  Get it?  Piranhas?  ‘Bite’?  Ow, hey, where’d this pie come from?
• The Switch.  THE JASON BATEMAN DOLL MUST NOT BE TRUSTED.  That is all.
• Lottery Ticket.  I respect the fact that they didn’t try to squeeze any whiteys into the cast to make it “more commercial.”  However, I’ll still be locking my car doors when I drive through its theaters.  I kid, I kid.  I’ll say this, I guarantee it will be funnier than Dinner for Schmucks.
• The Movie That Shall Not Be Named.  Well, at least we know this guy liked it.

FILMDRUNK RECOMMENDS: Inception, Scott Pilgrim (though you might hate it), The Other Guys (to a lesser extent), Cyrus.

But really, who needs movies when you’ve got the Frotcast? (Subscribe on iTunes, subscribe to the non-iTunes RSS feed)

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