Here in America, we don’t need the coronation of a king or the birth of Jesus to hold a holiday, just a handful of dudes looking to earn some green. Black Friday, the holiday that comes a day after Thanksgiving that we celebrate with rednecks pulling guns on each other over bargain-priced flatscreens, eventually begat Cyber Monday (that’s today!), another consumer-product based holiday, this time for those of us who’d rather buy our sale-priced electronics online. As a man who once bought sweat pants off Amazon, and who’d avoid the mall even if I was with my dying mother and her dialysis machine was there, Cyber Monday is much closer to my heart.

Even the relative technophobes among us love to online shop, and in honor of Cyber Monday, we choose to celebrate the most famous of them, Newsroom creator, social media skeptic, and all-around Hollywood titan, Aaron Sorkin. Through his hacked, seldom-used now defunct Twitter account, FilmDrunk was able to exclusively uncover Sorkin’s Amazon history, and it turns out, in addition to being a prolific, politically-minded writer of acclaimed film and television, Aaron Sorkin is also the author behind a number of snappily-written Amazon product reviews. It makes so much sense when you think about it. Thus, we celebrate Cyber Monday by sharing with you a cross-section of Aaron Sorkin’s recently-uncovered Amazon product reviews. (*cough* parody, please don’t sue us! *cough, cough*) Enjoy!

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