As talented an actress and as cool a lady as Tilda Swinton is, I always thought she looked a bit like an alien baby. In the latest issue of W, she’s traded that in for the Lex Luthor-looking thing you see above. I didn’t read the full profile, probably because the headline was “When it comes to acting – and dressing – Tilda Swinton is literally out of this world” (Really? who wrote this, Pete Hammond?). But the look seems to suit her.  Hey, is that a hand vagina?  That’s funny, I’ve been known to rock a little handgina myself, though I usually make mine with one hand. Ha, stars. They’re just like us.

Courtesy of MGM/New Line, here’s your first look at Jed Brophy, Adam Brown, and Mark Hadlow as Nori, Ori, and Dori, the dwarves from The Hobbit.  Ori is the Jewish one, while Nori and Dori were given girl names to make them tougher.  Okay, I made that up.

These three brothers, all sons of the same mother, could not be more different from each other. Dori, the oldest, spends much of his time watching out for Ori, the youngest; making sure he’s not caught a chill or got himself killed by Wargs or Goblins. Nobody quite knows what Nori gets up to most of the time, except that it’s guaranteed to be dodgy and quite probably, illegal. Dori, Nori and Ori are intensely loyal to each other – and whilst they are perfectly happy fighting amongst themselves, woe-betide any anyone who means harm to one of these brothers.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey opens in 3D, 2D and IMAX 3D theaters on December 14, 2012. [ComingSoon]

My sources tell me braiding Nori’s beard was the most exciting to happen to New Zealand since Wellington got a pickling plant. Prime Minister Steve even declared it an official holiday!  Everyone got the day off from shearing.

Peter Jackson is getting fat again, and you know what that means: MORE HOBBIT MOVIES! The first (how many of these are there now, ten?) of the two-part The Hobbit is set to open December 14th, 2012, after a back-to-back, 254-day shoot.  Jackson provided these new set pictures to EW, featuring stars Martin Freeman and Ian McKellen.  BRITISH PEOPLE LOOKING PENSIVE! IT’S THE MOST EXCITING THING EVER TO HAPPEN IN NEW ZEALAND! I kid, I kid. Actually I hear things are really starting to heat up down there, Tom Rogers just bought a Walkman.

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Don't tell mah derp, da derpy derp a-derp, da Derp. Derp. Derp. A-derpy derrrr...

One of the immutable laws of network television these days is that if a show is about singing and/or dancing, the old people who still watch network TV will love it (the Flyover States seem to have a real love-hate relationship with the gays).  Thus it’s not surprising that someone wanted to remake the singin’-and-dancin’ 1984 classic, Footloose. At first the plan was have it star Hollywood super twink Zac Efron, with tiny dog lover Kenny Ortega directing.  Then Efron left and was replaced with eyebrowier twink Chace Crawford.  Then Ortega left, and that fell through, and now Black Snake Moan‘s Craig Brewer is directing, because I guess he needed the money.  Here we have the first batch of pictures, starring Efron/Crawford’s replacement, box office megastar, uh… Kenny Wormald.  Seriously, Kenny Wormald.  That’s his name.  It sounds like the fictional name you’d give to your third choice.  But from the looks of it, he can sure, uh… wear sunglasses.  This dude is so cool, he doesn’t have TIME to hem his seams. OR wear shirts under his hoodies. Hey, man, that’s, like, your grandpa’s trip.

Oh hey look, Andie McDowell is still alive.  And it looks like she’s married to the hollowed out shell of Dennis Quaid.

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The conclusion of a viral marketing contest eventually led fans to the above picture of Tom Hardy as Bane in Chris Nolan’s upcoming The Dark Knight Rises, which started principal photography on Monday.  I would’ve covered the contest more closely before now, but viral marketing is for assh*les.

Bane, the chemically created brute who first appeared in the comics in 1993, is a “younger” villain for Nolan’s Batman mega-franchise, which has most prominently featured the Joker (who first appeared in 1940) , Two-Face (1942), Ra’s Al-Ghul (1971) and the Scarecrow (1941). But don’t let Bane’s relative newness fool you; the muscular juggernaut once broke Batman’s back in the comics. [LA Times]

And luckily, Brett Ratner wasn’t directing, or else he would’ve shouted “I’m the juggernaut, bitch!”   Anyway, Tom Hardy’s okay, I guess, if you like muscular, super-handsome yet masculine Brits who act really well.  Pff, whatever, man.

[Full sized, high-res version]