Director Philip Noyce, who most recently filmed 100-pound waif Angelina Jolie parkouring off overpasses, truck-surfing, and pummeling trained soldiers in Salt, is set to bring his trademark realism to a remake of the 1988 Jean-Claude Van Damme classic, Bloodsport.  It’s all part of Hollywood’s ongoing initiative, “Hey, Remember the 80s?”

Veteran producer Ed Pressman is in Cannes with news on three projects. Pressman has closed deals with Phillip Noyce to direct and Robert Mark Kamen to script a reinvention of iconic Jean Claude Van Damme actioner Bloodsport (1988).

Alberto Lensi is producing with Pressman. The story will follow an American who goes to Brazil to recover from the violence he has experienced in Afghanistan who gets involved in a martial arts contest. [ScreenDaily]

Gosh, I wonder if it will include cameos by some of mixed martial arts’ hottest stars.  Pressman, meanwhile, is also producing the remake of The Crow starring goth icon Bradley Cooper, which makes him something of a titan in the field of awesome-idea having.  Today’s announcement comes just as Kevin James’ MMA-saves-the-rec-center film, Here Comes the Boom, is midway through filming.  Perhaps they could start over and just combine two projects into one zany, MMA-themed romp, Blartsport Beware his deadly fists, and even deadlier farts.

And for no reason at all, here’s a picture of Chuck Liddell with Taboo from the Black-Eyed Peas.  Is he wearing… his own voodoo doll as a necklace? [via CagePotato]

This is the first trailer for Salt (this one’s in English, though a Russian-dubbed one was making the rounds yesterday).  It made the “Black List” (the list of the best unproduced screenplays as voted on by Hollywood types) back in 2007, when it was called Edwin A. Salt, and was set to star Tom Cruise in a film by Michael Mann. Mann later dropped out and Hancock director Peter Berg joined the project.  Then Cruise dropped out and they hired Quiet American director Phillip Noyce, and re-wrote Cruise’s part for Angelina Jolie, whose character is now named Evelyn A. Salt, which is a shame because everyone knows only c-nty Women Studies professors are named “Evelyn.”

Finally we get a trailer, featuring Jolie opposite Liev Shrieber and Chiwetel Ejiofor, in what looks like a pretty run-of-the-mill thriller, in which the main character may or may not be a Russian spy.  It seems like a perfect fit for Cruise, I wonder why he dropped out.  I can think of only one explanation — there must’ve been gay people in there.  So come on, fess up, who was it?  Was it you, Liev?  Chuy? Tom Cruise needs to know so he can avoid you.