The 68th Venice Film Festival begins tomorrow, and the 11-day event will be highlighted by tomorrow’s highly-anticipated premiere of The Ides of March, a political drama starring George Clooney, Ryan Gosling, and a few thousand pairs of moist panties. Clooney and Baby Goose will hit the red carpet in Venice for the debut, and they’ll be followed by co-stars Paul Giamatti and Philip Seymour Hoffman, who will undoubtedly be pelted with rotten vegetables for being so damn unattractive.

Ides will be up against 22 other films for the festival’s Golden Lion award, but there’s no chance that any of them will have a cast as handsome as this. Even if Brad Pitt played every character in Moneyball, it wouldn’t hold a candle to The Ides of March. People keep talking about Madonna’s directorial effort W.E., starring James D’Arcy, but he sure as hell couldn’t break up a fight over artwork in the middle of a street.

Sadly, us ugly people can’t see Ides until October 7, so we’ll just have to hope that when the beautiful people step outside to have their rings kissed and velvet capes stroked, they’ll tell us of the spectacle that they witnessed, undoubtedly in something called 5D, since they were given 7 senses by the gods. Oh to be beautiful. In the meantime, I’ve included the trailer after the jump, and you can feel like royalty as you watch it while drinking a St. Ides Special Brew. Pinkies out.

Okay, I admit it, that headline was needlessly provocative.  It’s just that, when you have the chance to write “rich, bisexual heiress” in a headline, you take it, unless you’re allergic to cash money. And as you can see by this bedazzled sweater with a dollar sign hot glued on it in rhinestones, I AIN’T, SON.

The heiress in question is Megan Ellison, 25-year-old daughter of Oracle boss Larry.  (A Gawker piece on her in 2007 said her Myspace status was listed as “bi”, which is more than enough to fill my mind’s eye with gratuitous scissoring). Now she’s into movie producing, and according to Vulture, she wants to step in and finance There Will Be Blood director Paul Thomas Anderson’s planned Scientology allegory, The Master.

We’re told that Ellison is also in negotiations to co-finance Anderson’s untitled religious drama, based on an original script about a disaffected disciple’s relationship with the founder of a new spiritual movement called the Cause — a not-so-thinly-veiled stand-in for Scientology — that examines the human need to believe in a Creator.

Anderson had been forced to shelve Master last September after Universal Pictures balked at its $35 million price tag; as a consequence of the delay, the film lost Jeremy Renner, who’d been attached to play the part of Freddie Sutton, an alcoholic acolyte of the Cause‘s founder who was to be played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Insiders say Renner, who’s buried in offers since his Oscar-nominated turn in Ben Affleck’s The Town, is no longer attached, but we’re told Hoffman is still keenly interested in doing the picture.

That’s right, Universal, a company that’s spending $200 million on a movie about battleships that fight aliens, based on a board game and starring Rihanna, wouldn’t spend $35 million on a movie from a five-time Oscar-nominated director, an Oscar-winning actor, and another two-time Oscar-nominated actor.  Maybe I’m weird, but to me that seems way more embarrassing than being a party lesbian on Myspace.

George Clooney is set to direct and star in The Ides of March, a malt liquor political drama based on the Beau Willimon play, Farragut North. Clooney will star as Governor Morris, a candidate in the Democratic presidential primaries. The role is loosely based on Howard Dean’s historic run for the Democratic nomination, and I’ll follow historic with *plays Hail to the Chief in fart noises* BEEYAH!

Clooney is joined by FilmDrunk Hollywood Cougar Hall-of-Fame Lifetime Achievement recipient Marisa Tomei, as well as sex muffin Evan Rachel Wood and great personalities Philip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Giamatti, to round out the all-star cast. But most importantly, playing Stephen Myers, the governor’s press spokesman, is our favorite gentleman, Ryan Gosling. Myers explores the dark side of politics to help his candidate earn the party’s nomination. Hey girl, remember to vote on this Election Day – Baby Goose is running for Lovernor.  Remember to vote yes on Proposition 69, Bloginity:

Clooney will produce the film and co-write the screenplay, along with his producing and writing partner Grant Heslov. Willimon is also helping to adapt the play into a movie.
The Ides of March will be Clooney’s fourth directorial feature. His most successful film, Good Night, and Good Luck, which he also co-wrote, was nominated for six Academy Awards. Clooney’s other two films are Confessions of a Dangerous Mind and Leatherheads.
Filming is expected to begin in February or March of 2011.

Gosling supposedly beat out Leonardo DiCaprio, who was heavily favored for the role, as well as Chris Pine, who is good friends with Channing Tatum, thus solidifying my mandatory 1 mention of C-Tates per posting appearance. Some critics are wondering if Baby Goose will be able to tap into a darker side to truly portray the evils of political henchmen, but I’m not worried about our boy at all. In fact, I recently uncovered this excerpt of a dramatic scene from The Ides of March that shows Gosling’s character in transition:

Clooney: “Stephen, can you go get me a coffee with this donated $5 bill?”
Gosling: “But sir, that’s misappropriation of funds.”
Clooney: “I can find someone else to get me that coffee if you won’t.”
[20 minutes pass, Stephen returns with coffee]
Gosling: “Here’s your coffee, sir. And here are your extra napkins!”

It’s indie-movie trailer day on FilmDrunk, and you know what that means: Broken people!  Finding love!  In the strangest of places!  After they’d all but given up!  First up:

Jack Goes Boating
Philip Seymour Hoffman’s directing debut is characterized mainly by Philip Seymour Hoffman and his dishwater dreadlocks.  At first he’s all mopey, like, “Ugh, I’m awkward, I can’t stop wearing this stupid hat.”   But then one day he meets a nice girl, Amy Ryan (Beadie from The Wire), and she’s all like, “Hey, check me out, I’m kinda pretty, but I have a tragic past.  You seem weird, wanna go boating?”  And then Semen Hoffmore’s all “Yay!  That sounds quirky!”  Then the hipster music plays and someone goes underwater for some reason.  Awkward whispering, falling in love!  People yelling, life is hard!  Hurrr, I went to NYU!

Welcome to the Rileys

James Gandolfini and Kristen Stewart both have tragic lives, so one day they were like, “Hey, we’re pretty far apart in age, wanna strike up an unconventional friendship?”  And James Gandolfini was like, “Sure!  Can I have a ridiculous accent?”  And Kristen Stewart was like, “Sure!  Can I be stripper and wear lots of eye makeup?”

MAH WAAHFE DEREN’T TALK NAH MERR.

SHRUG SHRUG LIP BITE MOPE.

Fin.

Paul Thomas Anderson, best known for directing three awesome movies and Magnolia, will be reteaming with probably the best actor in Hollywood, Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Anderson has written an untitled period drama [tee hee! *makes queef sound with mouth* -Ed.] that is set up at Universal. Hoffman, who has played supporting roles in most of Anderson’s past films, would this time be the centerpiece.  Hoffman will play “The Master,” as in “master of ceremonies,” a charismatic intellectual who hatches a faith-based organization that begins to catch on in America in 1952.  The core is the relationship between The Master and Freddie, a twenty-something drifter who becomes the leader’s lieutenant. As the faith begins to gain a fervent following, Freddie finds himself questioning the belief system he has embraced, and his mentor.

Anderson’s treatment of religion was cynical in “There Will Be Blood.” Here, the scrutiny isn’t specifically directed toward faith-based movements like Scientology or Mormonism that are newcomers compared to established religions. Anderson explores the need to believe in a higher power, the choice of which to embrace, and the point at which a belief system graduates into a religion. [BFDMemo]

I thought the most insightful thing about Anderson’s cynical treatment of religion in his last movie was the way the priest got beat to death with a bowling pin.  Suck on that one, Scopes monkey trial.  I’m not so much anti-religion as I am pro-movie violence, and holy God did I squeal like a schoolgirl during that scene.  I don’t think I’ve ever received so many horrified looks walking out of a theater, not even when Alexis Richards let me fingerblast her during Last King of Scotland.  Man, that chick was a slut, even for runaway.

Here’s Louis C.K. on the Tonight Show last night doing some bits you’ve probably already heard and enjoy (I can tell you’re all hip because of the scarves), but more importantly, at the 4:30 mark the interview starts, and he tells a story from the set of The Invention of Lying with Ricky Gervais.  It’s about how he was doing a scene with John Hodgman and he thought of a really hilarious Hodgman burn an so he told everyone about it, but then… well, let’s just say it doesn’t go well.  It’s strange, because usually Jewish comedians are so full of social grace and devil-may-care charm.  Anyway, after that he shows a clip from the movie, and it looks pretty good, and Philip Seymour Hoffman kindareminds me of Eyebrow Kitty.  Haha, good story, Vince.

(sorry, foreigners, if you can find the clip anywhere else besides Hulu, please send it).

This is the trailer for Mary and Max, which recently opened the Sundance Film Festival and has possibly my favorite line from a trailer since Black Dynamite:

“In America, babies are laid by Catholic nuns.  If you’re an atheist, they’re laid by dirty lonely prostitutes.”

What can I say, I’m a sucker for dirty lonely prostitutes.  The film’s about a lonely 8-year-old in Australian (voiced by Toni Collette) and her pen pal, a fat, 44-year-old Jew with Asperger’s living in New York City.  Believe it or not, that’s Philip Seymour Hoffman doing the voice.  Coincidentally, ass burgers are also what your mother eats.  *word association rimshot*

[via Collider]

This is the first trailer for The Boat That Rocked, about a British pirate radio station operating from a ship in the North Sea in the 60s.  It’s got a great cast – Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Nick Frost – and the trailer was going great until about the thirty second mark.  That’s when someone walks into a lamp pole.  And it’s not like he’s distracted or looking the other way and then all of a sudden, pole – he’s just walking up the block looking straight at the pole and then he just walks right into it, and it makes a big dong sound. And we’re supposed to laugh. It’s 2008, and a joke that they not only wrote and filmed, but thought was so good that they used as a representation of the rest of the movie, was about a guy who hits his head on a pole.

“Hmmm, we need a joke on page 63 of the script.  It’s been a while since anything funny happened.”

“Okay.  How bout if Bob slips on a banana peel?  No wait, we’ll drop an anvil on his head.  Yeah, an anvil.  With a horn sound effect?”

“You’re f-cking fired.”

Paris Hilton has joined the cast of director Todd Solondz’ upcoming sequel to his 1998 movie Happiness, and while this isn’t exactly good news, it does give me yet another excuse to clips from the original.  In the one above, I think Philip Seymour Hoffman might have actually meant to call Paris Hilton.  God, if there were any justice in the world he would’ve won five Oscars for this.  I’ve got a longer clip after the jump – do yourself a favor and fast forward to the 2:41 mark and watch him deliver one of the best lines in all of cinema.

[via THR]

^{Watch the trailer for Synecdoche, New York after the jump}

Synecdoche, New York sounds pretty kooky. First of all, the title. I had to look synecdoche up in the dictionary:

n. A figure of speech in which a part is used for the whole (as hand for sailor), the whole for a part (as the law for police officer), the specific for the general (as cutthroat for assassin), the general for the specific (as thief for pickpocket), or the material for the thing made from it (as steel for sword).

I still don’t really get it, but at least now if you asked me I could give a more intelligent answer than pointing out that it kinda looks like ‘douche’. Anyway, despite the funky name and mixed reviews, Synecdoche is the directing debut of Charlie Kaufman, arguably the best living screenwriter, and it stars Phillip Seymour Hoffman, who’s a pretty good actor once you get over the fact that he’s kinda weird lookin. Oh, and that weird guy from Last Action Hero is in it too. Long story short, I hope this movie is good so I don’t have to cut myself.

Also, if you’re interested, Wired has an insanely thorough interview with Kaufman himself. Who knows, maybe I only like him because he was played by Nic Cage.