The Hobbit (the first of two movies) doesn’t open until next December, but until then, The LA Times has released a new publicity still of Martin Freeman as Bilbo Baggins. If my Tolkien knowledge serves, that’s Bilbo with his sword, Lucille, preparing for his journey up Munchkin Mountain with the dwarves Oin, Loin, McGloin, Dingleberry, and the rest of the Lollipop Guild. But don’t quote me on that.

After the jump, it’s a new still from Prometheus, Ridley Scott’s Alien epic starring Idris Elba and Michael Fassbender’s penis.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Hobbits come from a magical realm called "Diagonal Earth."

MGM just released the first trailer for Peter Jackson’s fourth Hobbit movie, the first of the two-part The Hobbit, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Judging by people’s reactions — “shaking and crying!”, “Peter Jackson is a God,” (just to quote a few from my Facebook wall), people are reeeeeeally excited about it. All I’m saying is, don’t over exert yourself. Grab your inhalers and meet me after the jump.

“The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” follows title character Bilbo Baggins, who is swept into an epic quest to reclaim the lost Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor, which was long ago conquered by the dragon Smaug. Approached out of the blue by the wizard Gandalf the Grey, Bilbo finds himself joining a company of thirteen dwarves led by the legendary warrior, Thorin Oakensheild. Their journey will take them into the Wild; through treacherous lands swarming with Goblins and Orcs, deadly Wargs and Giant Spiders, Shapeshifters and Sorcerers. Although their goal lies to the East and the wastelands of the Lonely Mountain first they must escape the goblin tunnels, where Bilbo meets the creature that will change his life forever … Gollum. Here, alone with Gollum, on the shores of an underground lake, the unassuming Bilbo Baggins not only discovers depths ofguile and courage that surprise even him, he also gains possession of Gollum’s “precious” ring that holds unexpected and useful qualities … A simple, gold ring that is tied to the fate of all Middle-earth in ways Bilbo cannot begin to know.

Read the rest of this entry »

Steven Spielberg slaps his name on a lot of random crap like Transformers and Cowboys and Aliens and Real Steel, but when it comes to movies he’s actually directed, there hasn’t been one since Indy 4 in 2008. This December, there will be two in the space of four days, with The Adventures of Tintin opening on the 21st and War Horse four days later. I’ll probably just pack some handi-snaks and watch this over and over until War Horse comes on.

Read the rest of this entry »

Try not to get too excited, but we’ve got two brand new pictures of dwarves from Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit today (see also: Ori, Nori, and Dori from last week). That’s John Callen and Peter Hambleton as Oin and Gloin above, and Dean O’Gorman and Aidan Turner as Fili and Kili below. They all have rich, complex backstories, I’m sure, but the short version is “braided beards.” Trading dwarf pictures is fast becoming the hottest fad to hit New Zealand since tree counting.

And hey, how come they can’t get actual dwarves to play the dwarves? Of all the roles a dwarf could conceivably play, a mythical dwarf seems like a lay up. Are people put off by their bulging foreheads?  It’s the bulging foreheads, isn’t it. Don’t be scared, man, that’s just where they store their dwarf gold.

Read the rest of this entry »

After the jump, we’ve got the first full trailer for The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn, a collaboration between Steven Spielberg (directing), Peter Jackson, and digital effects company WETA. I guess the big question is whether a team of writers that includes Hot Fuzz/Scott Pilgrim‘s Edgar Wright, Attack the Block director Joe Cornish, and British TV writer Steven Moffat can reverse Spielberg’s recent descent into suckitude (there is no excuse for Indiana Jones 4). It’s hard to say from the trailer, but if you keep your eyes peeled at the 57-second mark, you can catch my all-time favorite reaction shot, the classic, dog-covering-his-eyes-with-his-paws shot.  YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING, NOT EVEN THE DOG CAN BEAR TO LOOK AT YOU! It seems to say.  If my life were a movie, I imagine the director cutting to that after my every sexual encounter.

Read the rest of this entry »