Amanda Bynes “burst into tears when she attempted a cartwheel and her wig fell off”

Written by Vince Mancini / 04.08.13

I haven’t been covering Amanda Bynes’ ongoing meltdown, what with her wanting Drake to destroy her vagina and whatnot, but it’s hard to ignore that it’s beginning to take on Joaquin-Phoenix-performance-art-level proportions. Most recently, the Sydney White star posted this picture of herself on Twitter, then showed up at a gymnastics class and burst into tears when her wig fell off. As one does.

Amanda Bynes was asked to leave a gymnastics class after further episodes of bizarre behavior, witnesses exclusively tell Page Six.
The former Nickelodeon child star stunned fellow athletes at the Adult Gymnastics class at Chelsea Piers when she “showed up in fishnets and a leotard that looked like lingerie.”
Onlookers said the staff became concerned about Bynes, who was “muttering to herself” and then “burst into tears when she attempted a cartwheel and her dark-colored wig fell off.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Marina Abramovic could take a lesson from Amanda Bynes. If only she could go back in time. HEY, MARINA. IT’S YOUR COUSIN, MARVIN. MARVIN ABRAMOVIC. YOU KNOW THAT NEW PERFORMANCE ART YOU WERE LOOKING FOR? WELL LISTEN TO THIS!

One witness told us Bynes first turned up at the class alone about a month ago.
“She immediately started acting strangely,” our source said. “She lined up with the other gymnasts, and each took their turn to perform a roll. But Amanda just walked out on the mat, was spinning around in circles and mumbling to herself.”
Later, when the others were performing cartwheels, Amanda “did a cartwheel, but her wig fell off, and she sat down and cried.” The source added that after a number of other incidents where she was heard mumbling to herself or walking in front of others performing exercises, she was asked to leave. [NYPost]

Jesus, man. Do you know how nutty you have to be to get kicked out of an adult gymnastics class in New York City? If you’re too crazy for grown-ups in leotards, where can we put you? The more stories I read about Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan, the more I think Mandy Moore should win a lifetime achievement award for not being a huge f*ck up.

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Pantsless Woman Tried to Flee DUI on a Power Wheels Truck

Written by Vince Mancini / 03.06.13

A drunk woman crashed her Pontiac Grand Am into the side of a mobile home yesterday before attempting to flee on a tiny, battery-powered Power Wheels truck, all while pantsless. In a shocking twist, it all went down in Arkansas, not Florida.

Jamie Craft, 28, was not wearing any pants when she hopped on board the battery-powered toy truck — which has a top speed of just 5 mph — to make her escape.
Her attempted getaway came moments after she allegedly slammed herPontiac Grand Am into the side of a trailer home in Jonesboro, Ark., on Tuesday.
Cops gave chase — on foot — and arrested her within minutes. [NYDailyNews]
According to police, Craft was pretty irate when they caught up with her as well as being without any pants.
They say she was also very drunk, with a blood alcohol level of .217, which is 3 times the legal limit. [KTLA]

I was reading about The Artist is Present the other day, the documentary about the performance artist Marina Abramovic, who did stuff like make visitors walk between two naked people, and broke up with her boyfriend on top of the Great Wall of China – pieces that boring psuedo-intellectuals of course ate up like so much white-guilt dipped kale chips. I bring it up because I wonder when the true performance artists like Jamie Craft here are finally going to stand up and reclaim their medium from phony interlopers like Marina Abramovic. Abramovic does a piece, and people spend years trying to explain why it’s art. Meanwhile, crashing into a mobile home drunk and pantsless and trying to get away on a power wheels truck that moves slower than you can walk – that requires no explanation. To even attempt to explain it would be to tarnish its inherent beauty. It’s art because it is.

I eagerly await Jamie Craft’s first installation, The Artist Is Pantsless.

Jamie Craft's getaway truck

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Memphis woman plans to marry a cardboard cutout of Edward Cullen

Written by Vince Mancini / 11.21.12

A Memphis woman is making headlines this week after announcing plans to marry a cardboard cutout of Twilight‘s Edward Cullen. See? I told you this would happen if we elected Obama.

“I’m definitely not used to this level of attention but I’m really pleased with it,” said Memphis College of Art graduate Lauren Adkins. “It’s been kind of a shock.”

You announced your wedding to a cardboard cutout and you say you’re enjoying all the attention? Nooo. Someone, please, revive me with smelling salts and fetch me a new monocle.

Adkins is making a big splash with her art project, her thesis for her masters at the University of Las Vegas.
“It’s a theatrical performance in which I’ll be marrying Edward Cullen,” Adkins said.
It will actually be a cardboard cutout of the lead character in the enormously popular Twilight movies, featuring vampire Edward Cullen. His cut out will be at the altar with Adkins at a Las Vegas Chapel. There will be guests and a reception. Just like a real wedding.

Ahh, so it’s a performance art piece. Somewhere, James Franco’s dicknose is half tumescent. Meanwhile, in a symbolic gesture, Adkins’ father plans to hold a competing ceremony, divorce proceedings him and $20 grand.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Art Shmart *Fart* and Your Morning Links

Written by AMB / 10.19.12

Probably the best performance art ever. I know James Franco is behind this somehow. [via Videogum]

MORNING LINKS
Joaquin Phoenix says awards season is bullsh*t and carrots are for A-holes |Film Drunk|

Sprots and Paul Blart Gangster Movie Pitches with Spencer Hall. |Frotcast|

Enough Of That ‘Monster Mash’ Crap: Here Are Some Legitimately Great Halloween Songs |UPROXX|

Cutest damned tarantula dog ever. |FckYeahDementia|

Will Ferrell Is Doing Those Weird Old Milwaukee Commercials In Sweden, And He Has A Mustache Now |Warming Glow|

Sports On TV: Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers’ 20 Greatest Sports Moments |With Leather|

Mugshot Of The Day: Wolverine Got Arrested At A Wedding |Gamma Squad|

QoTD: Why You Frowning At Wyclef’s Bike Photo? |Smoking Section|

The Key & Peele Player Intro Sketch Is A Must-Watch |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Street graffiti is often art at its purest |theChive|

Nicki Minaj Looks Exactly Like Rita Repulsa From Power Rangers |Buzzfeed|

Donald Trump Tells Robert Pattinson Not To Take Kristen Stewart Back, Is
Very Concerned With This |The Superficial|

Why Is Abruptly Quitting Something Called “Going Cold Turkey”? |Mental Floss|

Miley Cyrus Isn’t Wearing Pants |IDLYITW|

Disney’s First Latina Princess Seems Legit |Daily What|

Claire Danes Crying: The Supercut |Screen Junkies|

Thirty-four terrifying facts you didn’t know about your favorite scary movies |Fark|

Please Don’t Swear |Holy Taco|

Picking Up Chicks ‘Scarface Style’ is Brilliant and Terribly Ineffective |Brobible|

Prince Harry As A Disney Prince |College Humor|

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