Excluding the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co and wax museums, the celebrity impersonators who stand on Hollywood Blvd are probably the bottom rung of the tourism ladder. The only thing good about them is that they occasionally get bodyslammed by cholos or get drunk and fight each other. Which they did yesterday at the Kodak theater, when “Catwoman” pepper sprayed “Ozzy.” The story’s no “Man who groped woman while dressed like Captain America with a burrito in his pants will not be charged,” but it does have a certain charm.
Fire officials responded to a battery call around 5:30 p.m. to learn that a fight between Catwoman and an Ozzy Osbourne impersonator had ended with him getting pepper sprayed.
Initial reports identified a man dressed as Jack Sparrow of “Pirates of the Caribbean” as having been the victim.
I like to imagine Ozzy was on the ground, groaning in agony, begging for passersby to call the police. Then someone finally did and he was like, “Oh thank you, thank the lord, praise Jesus for people like you. Oh how can I ever thank you– wait, what the F*CK? Did you just call me ‘Jack Sparrow?!’ Jesus buttf*cking Christ, lady, why would Jack Sparrow be biting the head off a bat? Do you even have a TV?”
Catwoman, who requested to be referred to as such…
Mmm, GO ON. (*eagerly rests chin on fists*)