You know when you hear about something being wildly popular that you’ve barely heard of, like Two and Half Men, or NCIS: 80s Rap Star, or Dancing with the Obscure Heiresses Who Made Sex Tapes, and you wonder, “Who the hell watches this stuff?” Because you’ve never actually met anyone who does? The People’s Choice Awards is an awards show created exclusively by and for those people, the people you forget even exist until you have to go to the christening for your second cousin, Jaxxyn with a y.

Basically, a terrifying look at how dumb most people actually are. Or at least, how dumb the self-selected group of people who would actually take the time to vote for The People’s Choice Awards actually are (I pray that it’s closer to the latter). Knowing that, this year’s list of award winners (which you can see below), actually isn’t so bad. I’m actually quite impressed that Emma Stone and Chloe Moretz are talented enough that even the Mountain Dew drinkers recognized it (though I suspect most voters just picked the person they thought was cutest for all of these). The only one that truly stands out as being atrocious is Adam Sandler as favorite comedic actor. Adam Sandler, who starred in three movies in 2011, Jack and Jill (RATED ARG FOR PIRATES F*CK YOU!), Zookeeper (in which he voiced a monkey), and Just Go with It, your basic, will-the-platonic-friends-get-together rom-com just with more farting (I assume). Having grown up with him, I’m not quite ready to assume everything Sandler does will be automatically horrible (I’m very, very, close), but those movies look insulting even to people who like being insulted. I don’t want to unfairly generalize, but if you honestly liked any of those, society would probably be better off burning you for fuel.

Read the rest of this entry »

Haha, you said it, Sassy Ostrich!

I was trying hard not to mention the People’s Choice Awards today, the only awards show more asinine than the Golden Globes, but I couldn’t resist pointing out that “Favorite Comedy Movie” went to Grown Ups, the 10%-RottenTomatoes-rated Adam Sandler comedy Burnsy recently recognized as the worst movie of 2010, about which David Edwards of the DailyMirror wrote, “Frankly, if this makes you laugh even once, I recommend seeking medical advice.”

I imagine Kevin James celebrated by taking the cast out for a giant trough of McDonald’s cheeseburgers.  Anyway, as always, the winners were chosen via online voting, and the nominees… well, for that we go to the press release:

“With an ever-increasing audience base, Internet video has become a critical component of the overall media landscape with increasing cultural importance,” said People Choice Awards President Fred Nelson. “The People’s Choice Awards have historically incorporated third-party data like national ratings averages, box-office grosses and music sales to decide on potential nominees. We are excited to integrate Visible Measures’ data and insights on music, television and movie audiences into the nomination process.”

Visible Measures worked with the People’s Choice Awards to determine each potential nominees’ popularity on a True Reach basis, a unique measure of the total audience that has been exposed to an online video campaign – regardless of how widely the campaign spreads or where it appears. To measure True Reach, Visible Measures deploys a robust and patented set of technologies with the goal of capturing the universe of Internet video viewership data in near real-time.

Hmm, very enlightening.  I mean, we still don’t know how the nominees are determined (for such categories as “Favorite TV Obsession” and “Favorite TV Guilty Pleasure,”), but at least we know the technologies involved are “robust,” perhaps with a clean finish and earthy aroma.  Anyway, congratulations to Rachel Ray for winning best TV chef.  Well deserved.

Read the rest of this entry »

FULL LIST OF WINNERS BELOW.

The People’s Choice Awards happened last night, and an eagle really stole the Blackberry when Sandra Bullock took home Favorite Movie Actress and The Proposal was declared best comedy.  Inglourious Basterds won “Favorite Independent Movie” because watching it made the voters feel all artsy.  Miley Cyrus took home “Breakout Movie Actress” which makes having a Kids Choice Awards seem kind of redundant, now doesn’t it.   In other news, tough luck, Rascal Flatts.  ;-(

Read the rest of this entry »

Since I know you were all on pins and f-ing needles wondering who would take home “Favorite Combined Forces”, the People’s Choice Award winners were announced today.  My sources tell me they may have even been on TV.  The big winner?  The Dark Knight.

The summer blockbuster won for favorite movie, action movie, cast, superhero (Christian Bale) and onscreen matchup (Bale and Heath Ledger) during the ceremony, carried live Wednesday by CBS. [THR]

Also taking home multiple awards were The Secret Life of Bees [they frequent gay bath houses under assumed names when they're not making honey] and favorite male movie star and favorite action star Will Smith, proving that people are stupid and not to be trusted. Meanwhile, at the Peebles’ Choice Awards, Sleepin In narrowly edged out Channel Surfin for Favorite Activity. (full list of winners after the jump)

Read the rest of this entry »

This originally came out around this time last year, but in honor of the People’s Choice Awards releasing their list of nominees, I couldn’t resist reposting.  As always, feel free to submit your own.

People’s Choice Awards – The Lost Categories

Favorite Beverage: Sunny Delight, Kool Aid, Mountain Dew, Coors
Favorite Author: Dan Brown, John Grisham, Donald Trump, Jesus
Favorite Birth Control Method: Condoms, Saran Wrap, Mountain Dew, Anal
Favorite Sport: NASCAR, Noodling, Grabass, Horseplay

Read the rest of this entry »