Wow, a Seltzer-Friedberg joint wasn’t good?  Who knew, huh?  I like how you can’t show a nipple on TV, yet Fox continues to distribute these guys’ movies without fear of a boycott.  I’d rather support Al-Qaeda.

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If you’ve seen five minutes of any of their movies (Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, Epic Movie), you know that without a doubt, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg are two of the finest satirists ever to live.  The way they skewer societal paradigms with Paris Hilton impersonators getting hit by cars and Lady Gaga slipping on a banana peel… (*kisses fingertips*) magnifique.  Acclaimed film critic Armond White once said of the duo, “they stand so lonely on pop-culture’s fringe that their a la carte recidivism seems absolutely contre-jour when compared to the ersatz Hollywood j ne sais quois.”

Well sadly, it seems those two national treasures may not receive the compensation they so richly deserve for their upcoming masterpiece “Vampires Suck.”  According to a new report, it has been downloaded illegally 100,000 times.

An unfinished copy of “Vampires Suck,” Fox’s the hotly anticipated [!!!] parody of “Twilight”, has now been downloaded more than 100,000 times since its leak more than a month ago, according to TorrentFreak.
Now faced with another major leak, Fox’s legal department has quietly become more aggressive, sending takedown requests to torrent sites and Google. They likely want to avoid the fate of the 2004 parody film “Soul Plane,” [!!!] which prompted an FBI investigation after pirated copies flooded the black market weeks before its release.
“Soul Plane” was cited as one of the first Hollywood films to be impacted by digital piracy [the horror!]. Will pirates suck the life out of “Vampires Suck?” [LORD GOD I HOPE NOT!] Fox is publicly downplaying down the leak [DERP!], saying the incident occurred a month ago and there isn’t anything new to report. [Yahoo/THR]

That’s depressing.  Not the piracy, the fact that 100,000 people actually wanted to see Vampires Suck.  Illegally downloading a Seltzer-Freebird movie is like stealing a Susan Boyle sex tape.

Our country’s finest satirists, Jason Seltzer and Aaron Friedberg (Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie) are lampooning the country’s vampire craze in their latest film, Vampires Suck.  Here’s the first trailer.  And of course by ‘lampooning’, I mean literally recreating scenes from other movies but rewriting it so that someone gets hit with something.  I’m f*cking serious.  That is the format of 99% of Seltzer-Freebird’s jokes.  I could take the keys off my keyboard, feed them to a hobo, sock him in the belly, and whatever came out his ass would still be a better screenplay than anything these two idiots have ever written.

Hey, remember last time I wrote about Seltzer-Freebird, knowing absolutely nothing about this movie other than that it was about vampires?

With Seltzer-Freebird, you know the satire will never go further than Lady Gaga slipping on a banana peel.  Seriously, I will bet you $1000 that this will include a Lady Gaga joke.

Pay up, motherf*ckers.  And for shame, Ken Jeong.  You can’t need the money that bad.  Seeing Ken Jeong in a Seltzer-Freebird movie is worse than a Cowboy fan watching Jimmy Johnson do commercials for d*ck pills.

Virtually everyone hated Seltzer-Friedberg's movies, but alas, their only audience was retard pig

I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again: there’s no way you could come up with a fake movie adaptation that would be dumber than an actual movie adaptation already in development.  View-Master. The Magic 8-Ball. Asteroids. Bazooka Joe.  Today you can add to the idiotic-idea file a Mafia Wars movie.  That’s right, it’s that Facebook game dumb people play, the third most hide-worthy offense behind Farmville and referring to your spouse as “hubs.”

Clog my newsfeed, Pajiba:

Mafia Wars (25.9 million active subscribers) is being made into a movie, which I believe makes it the first Facebook game to get a feature development deal. Details are scant on the project, as what could the details possibly involve besides the logline, “crime thriller based on the popular video game.” Ted Field and Radar Pictures are developing the project, and given Radar Pictures’s recent output — Swing Vote, The Invention of Lying, All About Steve, Everybody’s Fine, and The Box — I wouldn’t buy a lot of HSX stock based on the idea. The project is out to writers now.

For being mentioned in a story about a Mafia Wars film, Ted Field earned +167 “douchebag points.”  If he allows Zynga games access to his search history, credit card information, and library records, and gets eight friends to do the same, he’ll be able to unlock the “Jerry Bruckheimer Coke Party level,” where he’ll earn the distinction of”Hollywood Super Producer,” and his avatar will get sunglasses. It’s… quite an honor.

[via]

Seltzer & Friedberg loved their new co-director, Retard Pig. Meanwhile, even Brendan Fraser found the action so stupid, he had to pour coffee on himself to prove he wasn't hallucinating.

Brilliant satirists Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, whom you may remember as the writer/directors behind such films as Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, and Epic Movie, are back, and this time they’re doing a vampire spoof. Because they like to take their time and put a lot of thought into these, it will be in theaters in less than two months, on August 18th. The title?  Vampires Suck.  Seltzer and Friedberg are very in touch with their inner 5th grader, who’s kind of an idiot.  No cast yet, but the IMDB listing includes Ken Jeong of Community, which I hope is a misprint.  C’mon, Ken Jeong, you’re better than that.  Gary Coleman’s widow is better than that.

Say what you will about the obviousness of a Twilight parody, you have to admit a thuper therious thullen abstinence parable about gay vampire scarf baseball is at least ripe for parody; far more than, say, taking already funny comedies and “lampooning” them (I’m looking at you, 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up... Etc.).  Though with Seltzer-Freebird, you know the satire will never go further than Lady Gaga slipping on a banana peel.  Seriously, I will bet you $1000 that this will include a Lady Gaga joke (the real loser of the bet will be the person who has to watch the film in order to collect).  Who finances these pieces of sh*t, anyway?  Oh right, Fox.

The problem is personal responsibility.  The guys who finance these should have to publicly take credit for them, every idiotic reference with no point or punchline.  I would rather finance child porn than a Seltzer-Friedberg movie.  Seltzer-Friedberg financiers make child pornographers look like hospice nurses.