A Michigan woman has reportedly filed a lawsuit against FilmDistrict, the distributor of Drive, claiming that the film’s trailer promised Fast and Furious-style thrills and failed to deliver.

Sarah Deming has filed a lawsuit against FilmDistrict claiming that the distributors, “promoted the film Drive as very similar to the Fast and Furious, or similar, series of movies.”

I don’t know what she’s suing for, but getting those two hours of her life back may require petitioning God to slow her type-2 diabetes and extra episode of American Idol.

“Drive bore very little similarity to a chase, or race action film… having very little driving in the motion picture,” the suit continues. “Drive was a motion picture that substantially contained extreme gratuitous defamatory dehumanizing racism directed against members of the Jewish faith, and thereby promoted criminal violence against members of the Jewish faith.

Deming is seeking a refund for her movie ticket, in addition to halting the production of “misleading movie trailers” in the future. The plaintiff intends to turn her individual case into a class action lawsuit, thereby allowing fellow movie-goers an opportunity to share in the settlement. [THR - and here's the local news story from Detroit, in case you wanted to see misspelled title cards and hear what some random people on the street think about this]

I saw Drive, and I actually had to do some Googling to understand what the hell she was even talking about with the Jewish racism thing. Apparently she means Ron Perlman’s character, who had violence done against him and also happened to be Jewish. Which is a real shame. It’s too bad Drive couldn’t be more of an empowering story of Hebrew identity, like, say The Fast and the Furious. Why, hardly a day goes by that I don’t see a gang of Jews driving by in their tricked-out Toyota Supras making a terrible racket. “Oy, Hoischel, get a load of this meshugganah Honda with his farkakte ground effects,” you’ll often hear them say. Typical Jews, always living their lives a quarter mile at a time.

Read the rest of this entry »

Back in March, Vince popped a blood vessel when a video circulated depicting Michael Bay’s movie version of Angry Birds. Vinnie also pointed out that Roxio executives had already been in discussions last year to bring a popular iPhone app about catapulting birds to the big screen. And now it’s all come full circle because former Marvel Studios Chairman David Maisel says that these birds are going to fly.

“There has been so much chatter about an Angry Birds movie, but it’s now real, the process is starting now.”

The Iron Man producer has teamed up with games company Rovio in order to bring this slightly odd project to life.

“People are interacting with these characters six inches from them each time they play, and that creates an emotional connection…It’s a global thing that’s something I’ve never seen before. It will be exciting to expand [Angry Birds] within Hollywood.” (Via Total Film)

Maisel was picked, no joke, because Roxio CEO Mikael Hed originally wanted George Lucas to produce. But when it became certain that Lucas was unavailable, Hed settled for Maisel since “George Lucas was unavailable – David was really the best person we could have hoped to work with.” Also, if Lucas had signed on, every time a bird would go missing, he would say he had no clue where it went and then he’d hiccup a feather.

Look, I’ve played my fair share of Angry Birds and there hasn’t been a single time that I’ve pulled back the catapult band with one of the yellow birds and thought, “My God, this bird is about to give his life for me and I never even asked his name.” If someone has an emotional attachment to a little cartoon bird that doesn’t speak and kills itself within seconds, that person needs to see a therapist immediately. Otherwise, one of these freaks is going to start attacking aviaries and then – bird rape.

"And don't EVER, let them play with my cars."

It should come as no surprise to anyone that Legendary Pictures and Mattel want to make a Hot Wheels movie.  There’ve already been plans to adapt Candyland, Ouija Boards, Battleship (with a $200 million budget), View-Finder, Bazooka Joe, and a dump Jerry Bruckheimer once took that looked like a pigeon, so wanting to make a movie that Pixar already made twice isn’t exactly a shocker. The big question is, which moronic movie producer adjective will they use to describe it? Dark? Gritty? Edgy? Contemporary? In the vein of the 300?

Interest in a Hot Wheels movie is revving up again, with Legendary Entertainment in early negotiations with Mattel to acquire film rights to the popular toy car line.
The deal would keep the project parked at Warner Bros., where Legendary is based.
No director or writers have yet been hired, but the potential pic is not targeted at the kids who buy Hot Wheels. Instead, the plan is to produce an edgier pic along the lines of Universal’s box office success “Fast Five.” [Variety]

Collect your prize, people who had “edgy” in the idiot producer-speak poll (I probably shouldn’t have spoiled this in the headline).  Interesting that they’re targeting the Fast Five audience rather than kids who buy Hot Wheels.  I guess it makes sense.  Adults who buy Hot Wheels probably have more disposable income.  What with the disability checks and such.
Read the rest of this entry »

Well sure we paraded around this crazy Dane with "F*CK" written on his knuckles, but we never expected him to say something offensive!

You can read the full quote of what Lars Von Trier said at Cannes the other day in the bottom half of this post, but I think any sane person would agree that it was pretty obvious that he was joking.  But it seems that it’s getting harder and harder for people nowadays to differentiate between an off-color joke and actual discrimination. And so to avoid having any rational discussion that might challenge the PC status quo, the faceless Cannes Film Festival board of directos ran away from Lars Von Trier like a bunch of spineless, intellectually cowardly pussies and declared him “persona non-grata.”  They acted, to borrow an overused cliché, like Frenchmen.

His dark sense of humor was clearly lost on Cannes’ board of directors, who, despite a swift apology from the director, held a meeting today and voted to blacklist von Trier from the festival. In a statement they said, “The board of directors profoundly regrets that this forum has been used by Lars von Trier to express comments that are unacceptable, intolerable, and contrary to the ideals of humanity and generosity that preside over the very existence of the festival. The Board of Directors firmly condemns these comments and declares Lars von Trier a persona non grata at the Festival de Cannes, with effect immediately.” [Popeater]

It is still unclear what Cannes ban, the first applied to a director in living memory, will mean for Von Trier. The director said he would not be allowed “within 100 meters” of the Festival Palais and red carpet, meaning he will not attend the Cannes awards ceremony on Sunday, but was not certain if his films would also be banned.

“It’s a pity because (Jewish festival head) Gilles Jacob is a close personal friend of mine,” Von Trier said. “What I said was completely stupid but I am absolutely no Mel Gibson … What I meant was I could imagine what it was like for Hitler in the bunker, making plans. Not that I would do what Hitler did. But it’s a pity if it means I will lose contact with Cannes.”
Von Trier pointed to his own background – his stepfather is Jewish and he grew up thinking he had Jewish roots – to indicate how ridiculous it would be to call him an anti-Semite. [THR]

These A-holes love to hide behind supposed “ideals” as if they actually believe in them, when clearly it’s just fashion.  They would never take the time to actually try to understand something someone said, because whether it was actually offensive or not is beside the point: it might make them look bad. That’s what matters.  They would make great Nazis.  And speaking of Mel Gibson, he got a standing ovation over there the other day.  If only Von Trier had been banned from an American film festival, or been convicted of rape here, then he could go back over there like a conquering hero (and yes, OF COURSE they kiss Roman Polanski’s ass every chance they get).  Sorry for my lack of an arch, humorous take on this, but in terms of fulfilling negative stereotypes, this is the French equivalent of Flava Flav’s fried chicken restaurant.

Icon Entertainment has announced the existence of a new Seltzer-Friedberg movie (“The Biggest Movie of All Time 3-D”), and not a moment too soon.  I’m not sure how much longer I could’ve gone without seeing a Spike TV actor dressed like Snooki slip on a banana peel and fart.  Icon plans to sell distribution rights at Cannes, where I like to imagine them discussing the relative merits of Donald Trump with a bowl of spaghetti on his head over beluga caviar and magnums of Dom.  “Ahh yezz, my friend, but are you not forgeteen about zee farts?”

Meanwhile, the Variety article treats the project with the perfect use of Sarcastiquotes:

Yes, ‘movie’ indeed.  It just goes to show, Osama may be dead, but Al-Qaeda’s still recruiting.