Yesterday at a fundraiser with Michelle Obama present, Robert De Niro made the comment, “Callista Gingrich. Karen Santorum. Ann Romney. Now do you really think our country is ready for a white first lady?” Because haha, get it? We’ve never had a black first lady before (Sally Hemmings notwithstanding). It’s funny because opposite day! We’ve already had more than 40 white first ladies! Nonetheless, Newt Gingrich seized on the opportunity to blast De Niro, calling his introduction “inexusable” and demanding that President Obama apologize for some reason, because Obama can apparently control celebrities from afar like Xenu. In a sane world, Gingrich would’ve been laughed out of the race for his transparent attempt to generate publicity off the back of a deliberate misunderstanding of a joke even a child could understand, but because the democrats are spineless pussies, determined to make even the choice between them and a human root vegetable like Gingrich a difficult one, Michelle Obama’s press secretary Olivia Adair even weighed in, calling De Niro’s comments “inappropriate.” SORRY YOUR FOOD WASN’T HOTTER, TROLLS! SINCERELY, OLIVIA ADAIR.

If De Niro had any balls, he’d ask them to return the money he raised at the benefit and demand Adair’s firing. Instead, he’s apologizing.

“My remarks, although spoken with satirical jest, were not meant to offend or embarrass anyone — especially the first lady,” De Niro said in a statement.

So congratulations, Robert De Niro and Olivia Adair, for helping make the world safe for fake outrage. I guess it was too much to ask for De Niro to call an apology press conference, take the podium in a freshly shaved mohawk, and tell the assembled reporters, “All the animals come out for election year – whores, punks, pussies, closet fairies, junkies, publicists. Someday a real rain will come and wash this scum off the streets.”

Next time, ask Pacino to host. This is how I imagine his introduction of the first lady going:

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Retard Pig crashes the party

Robert De Niro is in big trouble today for some provocative and inflammatory language he used the other day at OH GOD I CAN’T DO IT, THIS IS THE DUMBEST NON-CONTROVERSY OF ALL TIME SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP

Robert De Niro, who along with his wife, Grace Hightower (above right), hosted first lady Michelle Obama for a fund-raiser at their Manhattan eatery on Monday evening.
In introductions to the first lady before she addressed the crowd of about 85 people, De Niro quipped, “Callista Gingrich. Karen Santorum. Ann Romney. Now do you really think our country is ready for a white first lady?” According to a pool report from the evening, the line drew a roar of laughs, and De Niro added, “Too soon, right?”

Too soon for what? A Leno monolog? That shit’s so tame Trump’s kid tried to shoot it.

The joke, coming from a figure who’s normally reticent in media interviews, drew a sharp rebuke from Newt Gingrich, who has staked part of his campaign on railing against media and Washington elites. He charged that De Niro’s remark was divisive and called on President Obama to apologize.

(*puts gun in mouth*)

“What De Niro said last night was inexcusable, and the president should apologize for him. It was at an Obama fund-raiser. It is exactly wrong; it divides the country,” Gingrich said, according to CNN.
“De Niro is rich enough he probably doesn’t notice the price of gasoline,” Gingrich said, per CNN. “He’s successful enough he probably doesn’t notice the unemployment rate. As the Hollywood actor, he might well be shortsighted enough he doesn’t understand what it might do to our children and our grandchildren.” [Variety]

(*cocks pistol*)

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A Michigan woman has reportedly filed a lawsuit against FilmDistrict, the distributor of Drive, claiming that the film’s trailer promised Fast and Furious-style thrills and failed to deliver.

Sarah Deming has filed a lawsuit against FilmDistrict claiming that the distributors, “promoted the film Drive as very similar to the Fast and Furious, or similar, series of movies.”

I don’t know what she’s suing for, but getting those two hours of her life back may require petitioning God to slow her type-2 diabetes and extra episode of American Idol.

“Drive bore very little similarity to a chase, or race action film… having very little driving in the motion picture,” the suit continues. “Drive was a motion picture that substantially contained extreme gratuitous defamatory dehumanizing racism directed against members of the Jewish faith, and thereby promoted criminal violence against members of the Jewish faith.

Deming is seeking a refund for her movie ticket, in addition to halting the production of “misleading movie trailers” in the future. The plaintiff intends to turn her individual case into a class action lawsuit, thereby allowing fellow movie-goers an opportunity to share in the settlement. [THR - and here's the local news story from Detroit, in case you wanted to see misspelled title cards and hear what some random people on the street think about this]

I saw Drive, and I actually had to do some Googling to understand what the hell she was even talking about with the Jewish racism thing. Apparently she means Ron Perlman’s character, who had violence done against him and also happened to be Jewish. Which is a real shame. It’s too bad Drive couldn’t be more of an empowering story of Hebrew identity, like, say The Fast and the Furious. Why, hardly a day goes by that I don’t see a gang of Jews driving by in their tricked-out Toyota Supras making a terrible racket. “Oy, Hoischel, get a load of this meshugganah Honda with his farkakte ground effects,” you’ll often hear them say. Typical Jews, always living their lives a quarter mile at a time.

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Back in March, Vince popped a blood vessel when a video circulated depicting Michael Bay’s movie version of Angry Birds. Vinnie also pointed out that Roxio executives had already been in discussions last year to bring a popular iPhone app about catapulting birds to the big screen. And now it’s all come full circle because former Marvel Studios Chairman David Maisel says that these birds are going to fly.

“There has been so much chatter about an Angry Birds movie, but it’s now real, the process is starting now.”

The Iron Man producer has teamed up with games company Rovio in order to bring this slightly odd project to life.

“People are interacting with these characters six inches from them each time they play, and that creates an emotional connection…It’s a global thing that’s something I’ve never seen before. It will be exciting to expand [Angry Birds] within Hollywood.” (Via Total Film)

Maisel was picked, no joke, because Roxio CEO Mikael Hed originally wanted George Lucas to produce. But when it became certain that Lucas was unavailable, Hed settled for Maisel since “George Lucas was unavailable – David was really the best person we could have hoped to work with.” Also, if Lucas had signed on, every time a bird would go missing, he would say he had no clue where it went and then he’d hiccup a feather.

Look, I’ve played my fair share of Angry Birds and there hasn’t been a single time that I’ve pulled back the catapult band with one of the yellow birds and thought, “My God, this bird is about to give his life for me and I never even asked his name.” If someone has an emotional attachment to a little cartoon bird that doesn’t speak and kills itself within seconds, that person needs to see a therapist immediately. Otherwise, one of these freaks is going to start attacking aviaries and then – bird rape.

"And don't EVER, let them play with my cars."

It should come as no surprise to anyone that Legendary Pictures and Mattel want to make a Hot Wheels movie.  There’ve already been plans to adapt Candyland, Ouija Boards, Battleship (with a $200 million budget), View-Finder, Bazooka Joe, and a dump Jerry Bruckheimer once took that looked like a pigeon, so wanting to make a movie that Pixar already made twice isn’t exactly a shocker. The big question is, which moronic movie producer adjective will they use to describe it? Dark? Gritty? Edgy? Contemporary? In the vein of the 300?

Interest in a Hot Wheels movie is revving up again, with Legendary Entertainment in early negotiations with Mattel to acquire film rights to the popular toy car line.
The deal would keep the project parked at Warner Bros., where Legendary is based.
No director or writers have yet been hired, but the potential pic is not targeted at the kids who buy Hot Wheels. Instead, the plan is to produce an edgier pic along the lines of Universal’s box office success “Fast Five.” [Variety]

Collect your prize, people who had “edgy” in the idiot producer-speak poll (I probably shouldn’t have spoiled this in the headline).  Interesting that they’re targeting the Fast Five audience rather than kids who buy Hot Wheels.  I guess it makes sense.  Adults who buy Hot Wheels probably have more disposable income.  What with the disability checks and such.
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