A big reason that a lot of movies suck nowadays is that instead starting with a good original screenplay, some guy who markets toys or video games for a living hires a writer and says, “Make this a movie,” and then hands him the dumbest f-cking idea in the history of the world.  “I want you to do Tarzan, but if I see that f-cker swinging from trees, you’re fired.”  Furthering this tradition is Mattel’s plan to do a Hot Wheels movie, even though someone already made it and it was called, you know, CARS.

With Hot Wheels, “there’s a huge scope of what you can do,” Waldo says. “It’s a billion-dollar brand for us. We want to continue making it relevant for kids.”
Mattel has been considering everything from concepts influenced by films like “Mad Max” and “Fast and the Furious” for the actioner. Despite the fact that Hot Wheels is about cool cars, it won’t be trying to turn them into characters.
“We won’t have the cars talk,” Waldo says. “That would be off brand position for us. It won’t be another ‘Knight Rider,’ I promise that.” [Variety]

Oh, thank goodness.  Wouldn’t want to go off brand position (which is missionary anal, in case you were wondering).  Okay, so the cars don’t talk… Can they dance?  Could they rap?  Maybe they adopt a puppy?   Look, you gotta give me something to work with here, so far all we’ve got is Speed Racer.

Martin Lawrence is sick of Tyler Perry stealing his schtick, plus he’s crazier than shit, so for him this makes perfect sense.  The real question: Why do people who hate movies produce them?  There are easier ways to make money.  Heroin or white slavery, for instance.

IESB’s Robert Sanchez attended the SOUL MEN press day in Beverly Hills today and talked with producer David Friendly.
Friendly says that Big Momma’s House 3 is still in the works (it was rumored to be ready for 2008). He says it’s currently in the script writing stage and will hopefully be ready for 2009 release. [via IESB, thanks to Robo for the tip]

Gosh, I hope they dream up some wacky hijinks!  You know something’s wrong with the world when pornstars have to use psuedonyms, but this guy’s fine with being identified as the producer of Big Momma’s House 3.  I’m pissed Hollywood no longer blacklists. Bunch of pussies.  Expecting to produce other movies after this is like interviewing for executive chef at the Ritz and going, “Yeah, you know those novelty beef sticks shaped like hand grenades they sell at the truck stop?  That was me.”

The news that Disney was making a sequel to Tron, while stupid, has been around for some time.  This week, the news from Comic-Con is that not only will it star Jeff Bridges, they’ll be taking a cue from teenage girls on MySpace and calling it Tr2n.  That’s right, Tr2n.  Now, I know what you might be thinking.  Regardless of how you feel about substituting numbers for letters (and I don’t feel good about it, but that’s beside the point), a 2 doesn’t even look like an O.  It might pass for an S, or even a Q (and it’d be a stretch either way), but an O?  I don’t see it.  But I will tell you this, friends: it’s amazing how little details matter when you’re a fucking idiot.

[via MTV - Thanks, Robopanda]