Some clever fellow named Adam Slutsky (a Polish guy with “slut” in his name… too… many… jokes… system overload… does anyone else smell burnt toast? Klafs;jkadfsjkladfskl….) cleverly decided to turn this Vote or Die PSA into a PSA about not seeing Nic Cage movies.

I liked Face Off.  Then again, I didn’t go to college.
Nic Cage was a legend.  That was old school, good Nic Cage.  Then he decided to keep existing.  I wasn’t for it.  I wasn’t like, “Yeah, let’s keep him alive.”

How dare you sons of bitches insult Papa Bear!  Do you have any idea what my life would be like if they’d never made Wicker Man? Do you, huh??  I demand a written apology immediately, or I will fight you all!  And these guns don’t shoot blanks.  They fire missiles.  Sex missiles.

[Thanks to RoboPanda for the tip]

Not only are Seltzer-Friedberg’s movies worse than cancer, now they’re insulting New Orleans or some shit. Because some people think releasing a film called Disaster Movie on the third anniversary of Hurricane Katrina is in poor taste. Writes Nikki Finke:

The studio that has hawked torture porn for years has now decided to make a buck off the suffering of hundreds of thousands of people, and on the eve of another terrible storm about to strike the Gulf states. “Around these Katrina-scarred parts, Aug. 29 is still — and will be for some time — a black-armband kind of day,” criticized Mike Scott, the movie writer for the local newspaper The Times-Picayune.

Well that’s enough for me. Burn the witches, burn them! I’ll bring the marshmallows! Meanwhile, Lionsgate of course pleads unfortunate coincidence.

“The film does not depict or parody any actual natural disaster, and the release date of ‘Disaster Movie’ is in no way a reference to or joke about the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina,” read a studio statement prepared for The Times-Picayune.

Hold on, Mr. Obvious is shoving me out of the way, he wants to type something – Hey. Why the f-ck did you name the movie Disaster Movie if it has nothing to do with disasters? Okay, I’m back. Getting your feathers ruffled about the name of a stupid movie seems a little silly, but if it means something bad happening to Seltzer-Friedberg, it’s hard to argue with the outcome. It’s kind of like that scene in Schindler’s List where the Nazis make the Jews run around the track naked. On the one hand, that was a really mean thing to do. On the other hand, titties!

Probably no one gives a crap, but Uwe Boll’s Postal came out on DVD last week. They sent me a copy and I tried to watch it intending to write a review, but I only made it through about 30 minutes. The cover describes it as “Disgusting. Offensive. Stupid.”, and really it’s only the third one. Even the most “outrageous” comedy has to bear some semblance to life on Earth or actual human interaction, otherwise it’s just… a waste of time. Postal is like that. It’s pure camp, a big, fluffy nothing of a movie. Not nearly as loathsome as the Meet the Spartans guys, just kind of lame. Anyway, now you can see what I’m talking about after the jump.

I was, however, impressed with Dave Foley’s gratuitous full-frontal scene. You’re a braver man than I, sir Foley.
Read the rest of this entry »

Not screening a movie for the press is a tacit admission by the studio that the movie really, really sucks.  It says the more people know about this movie, the less likely they are to see it.  That said, it’s totally surprising that Lionsgate won’t be screening Disaster Movie (watch the trailer).  Imagine all the good buzz they’re missing out on.

It was very funny when they made fun of Miley Cyrus by implying that even after being crushed by a meteor she’d still act perky and plug her new album, because I could easily imagine her doing that. –Glen from Oregon

When fake Will Smith hit his head on a lamppost and said, "Hell naw," I laughed so hard I crapped on a turtle! –Roger Ebert

See? I totally passed up a cancer joke there.  Though it’s pretty sad when taking the high road still involves a joke about pooping on a turtle.

[Source = CinemaBlend]

See what I did there with the headline?  I know, pretty clever, right?

After the jump I’ve got the full trailer for Beer for My Horses, co-written, produced, and starring Toby Keith.  Keith plays a truck-drivin, wigger-batin’, small-town Deputy named… wait for it… Rack Rattlin, paired with an inept partner played by Rodney Carrington.  Get it?  It’s funny because it’s comfortably familiar!

Braindead dipshits like Toby Keith are nothing if not predictable, so the antagonists are naturally Mexicans.   Go git ‘em, Toby, they took yer jobs!  Of course, hijinks ensue and Toby makes sure to act real tough in the hopes that maybe people will forget his name’s Toby. I can’t wait!