Well folks, our prayers have nearly been answered.  A sexy reader who wishes to remain anonymous has emailed me what she claims is Uwe Boll's personal email address:  UBoll40163@aol.com.  Drop him a line and let him know I'm looking for a fight.  Or maybe just shoot him a link to my Top 10 Reasons he won't fight me.

Anonymous reader, who adds that Boll is very nice if you stroke his ego, also had a great story to tell:

I was talking to [name withheld], trying to convince him to have a Uwe Boll film night, because I thought it would be pretty hilarious for him to analyze his work. Anyways, he got all quiet and then told me that Uwe Boll cast his wife (a pretty awesome actress) in one of his films. So about a week before they were supposed to start shooting, he told her she was going to do a nude scene…she said she wasn't, he said "You will do it because I am Uwe Boll" so she told him to go fuck himself, and then he told her she would never work for him again so she laughed at him. And I guess the girl he replaced her with almost had a breakdown because when she was doing the nude scene he kept telling her how awful her body was and how he should have found someone more attractive. 

That person also happens to be a very good friend of Ben Kingsley, who was paid 2 million dollars for a 3 day shoot during BloodRayne, saying that he would have done it for like, $10 000 if it were for anyone else, and that it was the worst shoot of his life, and if given the chance, would turn down the money and just not do it.

Oh, and he hired the soup nazi to dress up as Osama bin Laden for one of his wrestling matches.

Hmm, that last part actually sounds awesomely bizarre. 

Like Michael Vick, the first week of FilmDrunk is now in the can.  There was laughter, a few tears; probably even a morning after pill.  The main thing is that we're here, and we'll continue to be here, and Uwe Boll still won't fight me. 

So now i turn you to the first weekly installment of "The Top Ten Reasons Uwe Boll Won't Fight Me"

10. He's a giant vagina
9. He's built entirely of girl parts
8. He's worried about wrinkling his frilly little sundress
7. He's still recovering from labia surgery
6. Fractured uterus. Caused by sex with well endowed men.
5. His brother Manute won't let him
4. He has a yeast infection 
3. Have I made it to number 1 yet?
2. Gynecomastia
1. He knows I'm a bad, bad man.

If you miss me over the weekend, I'll be writing WWTDD; and trying to find some contact info for Uwe Boll so we can get a proper internet campaign going. In the meantime, you can check out the new FilmDrunk Myspace Page, and my guest post at WithLeather.  -Lance