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Listen on the player above, or download this week’s episode as an mp3 here (right-click, “save as.”)

Pretty straightforward ‘cast for you guys this week, just a little HOTT GOSS™ with Ashley Burns, running down the latest in fake celebrity gossip, plus a little stand-up from Pauly Casillas/Dangerously and Joe King (I’ll include mine next week), and general movie talk (Michael Bay/TMNT gate, John Carter, etc.). Here’s your detailed breakdown from Adam:

Subscribe to the Frotcast on iTunes (leave us a review!). Email us at Frotcast@Gmail.com. Leave us a voicemail at 415-275-0030. Follow Pauly, Joe, Vince on Twitter.

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[Listen on the player above, or download this week's episode here (right-click, "save as.")]

You guys, a week ago I made a firm commitment to drinking more Irish coffees while we record the Frotcast, and I think it’s really starting to pay dividends. Entertainment dividends!

I’d love to tell you that we spent the entire ‘cast talking about Shame and Michael F. Assbender’s big floppy Brit wang, but sadly, some other content did manage to creep in.

• We talked with FilmDrunk’s own Pauly Dangerously about Tweeting his way to a possible opening gig at Caroline’s tomorrow.

• Brendan discovers some disturbingly awesome facts about Thomas Kinkade, the Painter of Light

• Laremy Legel from Film.com comes on to discuss, yes, Michael Fassbender’s big ol’ elephant dong, AND AS A SPECIAL BONUS, he tells us about getting his anal fistula lanced in excruciating detail. Oh what a time to be alive.

• There was a lot of Fake Bret this time. I sincerely do apologize for that.

Thanks to Roy for the Willem Dafoe pictures, which probably won’t make sense to anyone who didn’t hear the last Frotcast, but to those who did, trust us, they’re high-larious.

EMAIL US your relationship questions/humblebrags/poop stories at Frotcast@gmail.com. LEAVE US A VOICEMAIL at (415) 275-0030, and especially, SUBSCRIBE TO THIS MOTHER BITCH ON ITUNES. Seriously, I don’t even care if you listen. I just want my mom to think I’m important.

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This young lass seems so demure. I wonder where she went to finishing school. |Buzzfeed|

MORNING LINKS
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL FILMDRUNKARD: Help Pauly Dangerously perform at Caroline’s. That dirty son of a bitch. |Pauly|

Listen to our latest Frotcast with Lindy in a nightgown. It will be the most important thing you do today. |Frotcast|

Charlie Day = Good ‘SNL’ |Warming Glow|

Sarah Jessica Parker feet are pretty gross looking. Also, she’s at a horse race. |With Leather|

In Memoriam: MST3K’s Andy Rooney Contest |Warming Glow|

Tarantino & The RZA Connect: Wu-Tang Leader Joins “Django Unchained” Cast |Smoking Section|

These Dark Knight Rises Set Photos And Videos Are A Riot |Gamma Squad|

The Mike Tyson quotes song. |GorillaMask|

Dr. Conrad Murray found guilty of manslaughter, so sleep easy tonight, eccentric junkie billionaires. …Or perhaps you won’t be able to sleep easy. This is a tough one. |Superfish|

Ever wondered what would happen if you set off ALL the fireworks at once? This. Just stop wondering and click the link, stupid. |Videogum|

“Kitty City” is not at all what you would expect it to be. Aw. |DogAndPonyShowWebsite|

10 facebook status updates gone horribly wrong. |MentalFloss|

Justin Bieber’s official response to the baby mama drama. |HolyTaco|

9 celebrity quotes more offensive than Brett Ratner’s. |ScreenJunkies|

Amy Fisher loses to Octomom in celebrity boxing event after taking a few well placed shots to the head. ZING! |FARK|

The 70 Greatest Last Film Lines of the Modern Era |Pajiba|

Out: Richter scale. In: Donkey-scratching scale. |The Daily What|

A Gallery of Modernist Superheroes |Unreality|

Comments of the Week Nomination Thread. Like us on Facebook. Subscribe to the Frotcast (even if you don’t listen! just do it!)

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The whole crew was back for this week’s Frotcast, which included NOT ONE BUT TWO guests. Lindy West came on to read hard-boiled Twitter fiction from DrunkExpatWriter (you may remember him from last week?). The secret ingredient to his work is “anal rape.” We also brought on all-star commenter and Twitter impresario Pauly Dangerously to play the UFC Special Skills game. You know how before every UFC fight they put up a graphic with three bullet points showing a fighter’s special skills?  Stuff like “Heavy hands,” “College wrestler,” etc.? We all made lists of UFC Special Skills we’d like to see.  Things like “Crazy ‘Bout Elvis,” “Believes in Jesus,” “Loves to laugh,” “Does great Christopher Walken,” and my favorite, which was Brendan’s, “Yells out what he’s about to do.”

Email us at Frotcast@Gmail.com, Subscribe on iTunes, and download this week’s episode here (right-click, “save as.”) We’d love to hear your hard-boiled twit fic submissions, UFC Special Skills, and ESPECIALLY ideas for new games. Episode notes and time stamps:

• 3:44 – Discussing Food Network’s new I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-satire show, EXTREME CHEF!!! (promo after the jump)
• 7:55 – Brendan’s idea for an Oregon Trail reality show
• 14:42 – Email from reader Zach, “Poop Transplant Round Table.”
• 20:40 – The UFC Special Skills Game with Pauly
• 37:22 – Hard-boiled Twitter Fiction with Lindy West. (*finger snaps*)  SUBMIT YOUR OWN!
• 47:00 – Talking Transformers 3, which Ben liked, because he is a child. I posit that there are two types of human characters in Transformers, “zombies” and “Daffy Ducks.”
• 1:04:00 – The biggest movie flops of 2011.  Can you guess them?
• 1:15:00 – My stories about working on infomercials, including the bodybuilder from the Ab Scissor commercial who measured his pee in measuring cups to keep track of liquid intake.

Fantasy Box Office Standings and Extreme Chef “Sizzle Reel” below…

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‘Between Two Ferns’ with Zach Galifianakis, with guest Will Ferrell. Ahh, it’s nice to see someone likes that video of the chimp mouth-raping a frog while a child cries as much as I do.

MORNING LINKS

100 Images That Should Be Stored In A Time Capsule For Future Generations [Uproxx]

Take A Good Look At The New Design Of UPROXX Media [Uproxx]

Ten Great Gimmick Episodes [WarmingGlow]

Boom goes the web redemption [WithLeather]

Someone forgot to put pigment in Lindsay Lohan’s nipples. (NSFW) |Buzzfeed|

PICTURED: Nice work, Pauly. This is going on the fridge.

This Week In F—k You: Oprah [KSK]

Professional Wrestling’s Lamest Ring Attire [UGO]

Justin Bieber has a $25K diamond necklace of Stewie from Family Guy. |BostonStool|

Security footage of kids trashing a Dunkin Donuts. |NYCStool|

1 in 12 Baseball and Football Fans Are Drunk When Leaving Games [Brobible]

Snow White be casting dwarves, y’all. |ScreenJunkies|

Kendra shot fireworks out of her boobs. |TheSuperficial|

Incoherent notes from the last Oprah show. |HolyTaco|

Guy stops people wearing headphones to ask what song they’re listening to. |TheDailyWhat|

Hot chicks playing World of Warcraft. |UnrealityMag|

Comments of the Week | THE FROTCAST (OUR PODCAST) ON iTUNES | FILMDRUNK ON FACEBOOK | FILMDRUNK ON TWITTER.