"Why yes, Twiki, she can handle a stick. You don't know the half of it."

Praise be to Allah, I don’t know if I could’ve faced tomorrow without the promise that I might someday see a Buck Rogers movie. It’s going to be in 3D and directed by Death Race/Event Horizon/Resident Evil‘s Paul W.S. Anderson (not to be confused with Paul Thomas Anderson — you can tell the difference because one of them makes good movies):

Buck Rogers, the fighter pilot who wakes up in the 25th Century, is being relaunched as a 3D screen hero. Paul WS Anderson has locked a deal to direct a new version of the classic tale of a fighter pilot who quickly acclimates to the future and puts his skills to use defending the planet against invaders.  Iron Man scribes Art Marcum and Matt Holloway will write the screenplay. Anderson is casting for a fall shoot. [Deadline]

You might remember that Frank Miller was once attached to this, but then people actually saw what he‘d do when given a chance to direct a movie. I don’t know about Paul WS Anderson, but I like that they’re doing it 3D, because I imagine a person who still gives a sh*t about Buck Rogers doesn’t have the best eyesight.  Maybe in this version he can fight kids who don’t call and the Orientals.

Hold on to your girdle, grandma, because Paul WS Anderson, the director of Resident Evil and Alien Vs. Predator, is adapting The Three Musketeers.  Based on a script he co-wrote with the screenwriter of Bridget Jones Diary.  OOOH WHA-AA AA-AA!

The 1844 Alexandre Dumas tale tells of d’Artagnan, a young man who leaves home to become a member of the fighting force of the French king’s royal household. Along the way, he makes friends with three of the force’s best — and most disgraced — members: Athos, Porthos and Aramis, whose creed of friendship is “All for one and one for all!”

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Oh, great, another vampire movie.  Director Paul WS Anderson (Resident Evil, Event Horizon, Aliens Vs. Predator, Death Race) has hired James Wan (the creator and director of Saw) to re-write the script for Castlevania and direct it (Anderson will produce).  Re-write. Which means there’s already been at least one script written for a fricken’ Castlevania movie.  MTV reports:

It was going to span hundreds of years, from fifteenth century Transylvania to the European trenches of World War II, yet also would somehow still be an origin story focusing on the genesis of the feud between Dracula and the Belmonts [Ed. - so about 10 hours long then?], the family tasked with battling the vampire and his clan.
That was several years ago, before the writers’ strike and then the sale of Rogue Pictures interrupted Anderson’s plan to bring “Castlevania” to theaters. Now, with the script getting the rewrite treatment and a new director set to helm the flick, Anderson is considerably (and understandably) more tight-lipped when it comes to dishing out details, as MTV News discovered during a recent conversation.

“There’ll be the whip and there’ll be creatures,” Anderson said, referring to Simon Belmont’s weapon of choice and the mythical beasts he battles as he makes his way through Dracula’s castle in the original video game.

Wait.  Wait.  Wait.  A whip?  And creatures?  This changes everything.  This doesn’t look like Van Helsing 2: Van Harder at all.

If I wanted to see a whip and some creatures I’d just go to a gang bang at your mom’s house.

~ robopanda

^{WATCH THE TRAILER FOR DEATH RACE AFTER THE JUMP}

Paul WS Anderson, director of such classics as Resident Evil, Event Horizon, and Aliens Vs. Predator, has a new film out called Death Race.  It’s a remake of a 1975 B-movie Death Race 2000 which starred David Carradine and Sly Stallone.  The remake stars Ian McShane, Tyrese Gibson, and Jason Statham and if you think there’s not gonna be scowling you’ve got another thing coming.

I like how they edit it with really quick cuts.  In so many trailers these days the shots go one just a little too long.  I mean, an 8th of a second?  Who has time for that?  So often I sit here going, "Ahh FUCKI’MBORED!  FUCKI’MBOREDAGAIN!  I’MSTILLFUCKINBORED!"  But not with Death Race.  They know I like my action… um, fast, and… uh, furious.

Also available in high definition at Yahoo