The 68th Venice Film Festival begins tomorrow, and the 11-day event will be highlighted by tomorrow’s highly-anticipated premiere of The Ides of March, a political drama starring George Clooney, Ryan Gosling, and a few thousand pairs of moist panties. Clooney and Baby Goose will hit the red carpet in Venice for the debut, and they’ll be followed by co-stars Paul Giamatti and Philip Seymour Hoffman, who will undoubtedly be pelted with rotten vegetables for being so damn unattractive.

Ides will be up against 22 other films for the festival’s Golden Lion award, but there’s no chance that any of them will have a cast as handsome as this. Even if Brad Pitt played every character in Moneyball, it wouldn’t hold a candle to The Ides of March. People keep talking about Madonna’s directorial effort W.E., starring James D’Arcy, but he sure as hell couldn’t break up a fight over artwork in the middle of a street.

Sadly, us ugly people can’t see Ides until October 7, so we’ll just have to hope that when the beautiful people step outside to have their rings kissed and velvet capes stroked, they’ll tell us of the spectacle that they witnessed, undoubtedly in something called 5D, since they were given 7 senses by the gods. Oh to be beautiful. In the meantime, I’ve included the trailer after the jump, and you can feel like royalty as you watch it while drinking a St. Ides Special Brew. Pinkies out.

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George Clooney’s first movie as a director was Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, which was pretty solid, even if screenwriter Charlie Kaufman didn’t like the way he went with it. He followed that up with the critically-acclaimed Good Night and Good Luck (booooring…) and Leatherheads, an old-timey sh*tpile starring John Krasinski. Now he’s back sexing up the director’s chair in Ides of March, a political thriller based on the award-winning Beau Willimon play, Farragut North, which Clooney adapted with co-writer Grant Heslov. Baby Goose plays an idealistic campaign staffer for a first-time presidential candidate, played by George Clooney, who gets a “crash course on dirty politics.” Hey, girl, I know this negative campaigning’s really got you down, but cheer up, I wrote you a poem. It’s about spring.

Ides of March co-stars Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Marisa Tomei, and Paul Giamatti, which is a lot of talent to have in one room. Still, it could go either way. Clooney is one of those guys who might secretly be an idiot, but you’d never know because when you’re that handsome and charming, everything you say comes out sounding like genius insight. “My personal theory is that with the bigger bagels, you can fit more cream cheese.” Oh my God, isn’t he witty?!? Anyway, who am I kidding. I’d be happy if this film was just two hours of Baby Goose looking forlorn.

Aw, poor little butterscotch sundae, he looks so lonely! Quick, someone find Patches.

Ironclad, starring Paul Giamatti and James Purefoy, barely got a release before it goes to DVD July 26th, isn’t even listed on BoxOfficeMojo, and based on its middling reviews, would seem to be fairly mediocre.  What this new video of a guy getting beaten to death with his own arm preSUPPOSES is… maybe it’s awesome? That is the most metal version of “why you hittin’ yourself” I’ve ever seen. I can’t even handle this much carnage and speed metal. I started watching it, but then I blacked out and when I woke up, my cat was on fire.

[via BloodyDisgusting]

Ever since HBO’s Rome ended, I’ve had a pretty stiff nerd boner for seeing James Purefoy (who played homicidal ladies man Marc Antony) kill people with a sword.  In addition to Purefoy as one of the Knights Templar (my God, A Da Vinci Code parallel! Quick, call Tom Hanks’ hair!), Ironclad has Paul Giamatti (can I call you Pauly G?  let’s assume I can call you Pauly G) playing the evil King John, as well as Brian Cox, Bob Hoskins, and the late Peter Postlewaite. Holy hell, that is a cast made of dreams. With Pauly G and Brian C chewin’ scenery and swingin’ swords, how could you go wrong, right? The only thing that concerns me is the bro-rawk soundtrack playing over the top. You shouldn’t have to make a trailer about knights sword fighting seem MORE TOUGH. And that butt metal only makes a trailer seem more tough in the same way an Affliction shirt makes you better at fighting. Which is to say… IT TOTALLY WORKS! SUCK IT, BRO, I JUST ICED YOU.
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That’s right, Bill Clinton will have a cameo playing himself in The Hangover 2.  While I tend to agree with Todd Phillips that comedy relies on the element of surprise, and it kind of takes the fun out of it to constantly spoil them with gossip columns, by now this news is already all over the web, so the only thing I’d be doing by not posting it is hurting myself.  And if I’m just going to hurt myself, what am I paying these hookers for?  Anyway, Clinton is joining Paul Giamatti and Liam Neeson as yet another famous person with a cameo in The Hangover 2.

Jizz on my dress, TMZ:

Bubba was spotted on the set in Thailand yesterday where we’re told extra security was added for his presence.
Our spies say they saw Bill walk on the set and were told by crew members he was filming a cameo. None of the people we spoke to, however, saw Bill actually step in front of the camera.
Although some people associated with the flick have told us Bill just “hung out,” we’ve now confirmed he did indeed shoot a cameo.
In the photo on the right, you can see Zach Galifianakis and Bradley Cooper riding in a rickshaw — Zach is sporting a shaved head like in the pictures we posted earlier this week.
We’re guessing Clinton did some serious work … on the craft service table. [TMZ]

Haha, the craft services table, get it?!?  Ouch, my sides.  Phew, that was a good one, TMZ.  Let’s see… Thailand, blow jobs, Mel Gibson, Hangover 2… yeah, definitely gonna go with a Bill Clinton-is-fat joke here.  If only we could somehow work in a reference to that hot new MTV VJ, Kennedy…

So, to recap, Hollywood Morality: Angrily demanding a blow job from your wife = unacceptable. Actually receiving a blow job from not your wife = totally cool.