Sassy Ostrich could hardly believe the zaniness

Paul Blart Mall Cop topped DVD sales and rentals for the second week in a row because God is dead.

The Sony Pictures Home Entertainment comedy, which grossed $146.3 million in U.S. theaters, continued to see heavy action [hee hee! -Ed.] at retail, with its rental activity falling off just 26% from the previous week. [THR]

In theaters, I could see, okay, maybe you need to get away from the kids, or you need something you can take the kids to… the entertainment bar is set pretty low.  So you think, “Eh, maybe I’ll go watch Kevin James’ fat stupid ass act fat and stupid for a couple hours.”  But DVD?  Are there really people out there going, “Hmm, what should I see… Oh, I know!  I never saw that one about the fat dipsh*t on the Segway!  And now I can!  Life is good!  Let’s go shove flippers full of ice cream down our gullets!”  How can a movie be this popular and still I don’t know anyone who saw it?  Wait, don’t answer that, I’m just gonna bask in my good fortune.

RELATED ASYLUM POLL: What’s the best successful but stupid movie?

Watchmen — love it or hate it, you at least have to admit it had balls — dropped 67% from last weekend to this weekend, landing in second place behind The Race to Witch Mountain.  67% isn’t the worst drop in history, but the fact that it lost the weekend to a remake starring The Rock, while Jim-Belushi-vehicle-that-never-was Paul Blart Mall Cop still comfortable cracked the top 10… it doesn’t bode well for the types of movies that will get greenlit.  I don’t understand it, I thought Watchmen was pretty good.  Heck, even At the Movies hosts Ben Lyons and Ben Mankiewicz had great things to say about it. See their review after the jump.

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This poster to Craigslist in Virginia Beach says he’s trying to find an intelligent lady, but he’s going about it all wrong.  The only thing smart girls like less than Kevin James movies are guys who would end a proposition with a preposition.  Me, I like ‘em young and stupid.  Girl, you so fine. Where you want me stick my thing at?

[Thanks to reader Stephanie, who adds, "Only contact this man if you are SERIOUS about seeing Paul Blart: Mall Cop. He didn't post this in casual encounters for a reason."]

The Paul Blart: Zookeeper idea has been mentioned before, but now we have more details.  Depressing, depressing details.

Kevin James, fresh from “Paul Blart: Mall Cop,” will star in the title role in MGM’s “The Zookeeper” for director Frank Coraci [director of Click].

“Zookeeper,” penned by Jay Scherick and David Ronn [Norbit, Guess Who, National Security, I Spy and Serving Sara], centers on a lonely zookeeper who decides to leave his job because he can’t meet a girl, leading to an intervention by the zoo’s animals.

MGM won a bidding war last April for the spec, paying $2 million against $3 million, while the studio was in the midst of ramping up a slate of homegrown projects. [Variety]

In a bidding war over a script about Kevin James and zoo animals, the only winner is society if both sides kill each other.

Hollywood had its first ever billion-dollar January, thanks to fine films like, uh, Paul Blart.  Meanwhile, Liam Neeson revenge flick Taken took the top spot this week (forcefully, by shooting Paul Blart‘s wife in the arm) with $24.6 million.  Another reason it paid to be an old man with a gun, Gran Torino landed at number five, but its cumulative gross of $110 million makes it the highest grossing Clint Eastwood film of all time (the next two being In the Line of Fire and Unforgiven).  Said Eastwood when reached for comment, “If only the gooks were here to see it.  Too bad I killed ‘em.”

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