As a wise man once said, “Yo, dawg, why report boring-ass movie news when you could just copy Patton Oswalts tweets n’ shit anyway?” And so here we are. I’ve gotten probably ten emails today from publicists quoting various entities’ reactions to their Oscar nominations, and believe me when I say that I couldn’t possibly give less of a microscopic speck of a particle of a shit on a gay gnat’s penis. The only thing remotely interesting to come out of it all was Patton Oswalt’s account of a fictional Oscars-snub party that he’s been tweeting out all day, starting with “Join me for a drink at The Drawing Room, @AlbertBrooks? Me and Serkis have been here since 6am.”

Remember the Alamo Drafthouse’s no-texting PSA that they made out of an angry phone call? Well imagine Patton Oswalt playing the part of “angry texter” and you’ve got this.

MORNING LINKS
Baby fur seal pulls cutest B & E ever. |Film Drunk|

Power Up: The Top 14 Video Games Of 2011 |Smoking Section|

7 Things About “The League” Cast that You Probably Didn’t Know |Warming Glow|

Donald Glover Tells Marc Maron That He Masturbates To Susan Sarandon |UPROXX|

Daniel Day-Lewis in full costume on the set of Lincoln |Film Drunk|

Is Greg Oden’s Team Photo The Saddest Thing You’ve Ever Seen? |With Leather|

Ali Lohan looks like an anorexic Russell Brand. |TheSuperficial|

This kid just really wants some doughnuts. |Videogum|

9 holiday characters from around the world. |MentalFloss|

Rick Perry Dr. Seuss Books |Buzzfeed|

Adult Swim Interview: Norm Macdonald Digs Shakespeare |Adult Swim|

MUPPET HATS. |TheDailyWhat|

The 10 least-deserving actors on the Hollywood walk of fame. |ScreenJunkies|

Alice Cooper discusses music, life, and the night that he almost murdered Elvis…wait, wait WHAT? |FARK|

This lizard is good at video games. |HolyTaco|

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Except for a couple great scenes near the end, Young Adult doesn’t quite work, which is excruciating to say about a film with Patton Oswalt in it. Written by Diablo Cody, directed by Jason Reitman, and starring Charlize Theron, who won an Oscar for daring to play ugly, it has all the right ingredients. Up in the Air gets better every time I watch it, there was always a solid movie in Juno once you dug through the kitschy language and rightful backlash, and it should go without saying that Patton Oswalt is the best chubby sidekick a protagonist could have. But Young Adult gets caught in an awkward middle ground, where it can’t seem to decide whether it wants to defy genre like Up in the Air or be a full-on comedic romp like Bad Santa. It’s too stereotypical to be poignant, and not enough laughs for escapism.

Charlize Theron plays Mavis Gary, a hard-drinking party girl (transitioning uneasily towards a party lady) who writes young adult fiction under a pseudonym when she’s not too hungover or watching reality TV (you’d be surprised at how many friends I have with this very occupation — I assume Diablo Cody probably does too). One day, in the middle of Kardashians and Diet Coke binge, Mavis (OH THE QUIRKY NAMES) gets an email from an ex, (BUDDY SLADE, SMALL-TOWN LEGEND) inviting her to a baby shower. Jealous of his stable life and seeming happiness, she gets it in her head that she’s going to leave Minneapolis (“the mini apple!”) with her pomeranian and mini Cooper in tow, and head back to Mercury, Minnesota to rescue her ex from his life of boring domesticity.

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Here at FilmDrunk, if there’s one thing we like, it’s high-risk, unprotected sex with total strangers. If there’s two things we like, it’s high-risk, unprotected sex with total strangers and short films starring Patton Oswalt. Hot off his winning turns in such 5-second films as Wizard, You’ve Got Mail, and the seminal, coming-of-age classic, Crabwalkin‘, comes a new series from Puddin’. These are a little longer, and the concept is that it’s a “live-action, single-panel comic, updated Monday through Friday.” So basically, a single-shot video version of a comic strip. Set in the break room of an office, where one guy is always silently eating pudding. It’s like art, but funny.

“Is this some kinda avante-garde, German theater bullsh*t, where a magician goes up and yells at us, and then they dress a lesbian in boy’s clothin in the back of the room, and she sits cackling in the darkness like a half-remembered nightmare through a cracked mirror of regret? Because if that’s what the f*ck this is, I seen it done better, that’s all I’m sayin’, man.” -Patton Oswalt, “The Magician”

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After the jump, I’ve got the trailer for Young Adult, the new film from Diablo Cody and Jason Reitman. A lot of people still like to sh*t on Diablo Cody, and I can kiiinda see why, but I thought her recent response to Bobcat Goldthwait was dead on (“Dear Bobcat: Juno is my growly voice.”). Also, Jason Reitman rules.

Theron plays Mavis Gary, a writer of teen literature who returns to her small hometown to relive her glory days and attempt to reclaim her happily married high school sweetheart (Patrick Wilson). When returning home proves more difficult than she thought, Mavis forms an unusual bond with a former classmate (Patton Oswalt) who hasn’t quite gotten over high school, either.

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