No doubt inspired by memories of all those good times they had together before one of them turned evil dredged up by X-Men First Class, Magneto will be officiating Professor X’s wedding. It’s all part of a carefully orchestrated plan to keep nerds from ever having to engage with reality.

Sir Ian McKellen will officiate at the upcoming wedding of Sir Patrick Stewart and his fiancée, 35-year-old jazz singer Sunny Ozell. When the topic of X-Men: Days of Future Past came up during McKellen’s appearance on U.K. program The Jonathan Ross Show this weekend, the English actor announced, “I’m going to marry Patrick,” provoking some fits of laughter from the audience before he clarified, “How else do you put that? I’m going to officiate at his wedding.” [EW]

And somewhere, the guy who played Worf sits, morosely staring at his eternally silent Bat’leth phone.

Anyway, let this be a lesson to all the guys out there: if you’re 72-year-old actor and you don’t want your wedding to a woman half your age to sound scandalous, just get a sassy, beloved gay knight to officiate. Now everyone will cheer. You can’t deny that these two are adorable together. Not even Danny Boyle standing between them can change that. MY GOD, LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HIS HEAD!

Danny Boyle’s skull was the model for the Juggernaut helmet. True story.

Of course, as you may have seen, Patrick Stewart is no stranger to presiding over unions himself:

Read the rest of this entry »

The X-Men visit a no-touch strip club.

I was as shocked as anyone when X-Men: First Class actually turned out kinda good. But the inevitable sequel is moving forward without original director Matthew Vaughn (original director of the prequel, that is…) , and with an awful title, “Days of Future Past.” But Bryan Singer is on to direct, and though he hasn’t directed anything good since 2003, he at least has it in him, and from the sounds of it, he’s got the cast of X-Men: First Class returning, with the added bonus of Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan. Singer himself broke the news this morning on Twitter.

Thrilled to announce @ianmckellen118 & @sirpatstew are joining the cast of #XMEN #DaysOfFuturePast #magneto #professorX More to come…

— Bryan Singer (@BryanSinger) November 27, 2012

I’d like to officially welcome back James McAvoy, Jennifer Lawrence, Michael Fassbender, & Nicholas Hoult to #XMEN for #DaysOfFuturePast

— Bryan Singer (@BryanSinger) November 27, 2012

We already sort of assumed the plot would involve time travel from the title; the casting of young and old Professor X and Magneto all but confirms it. At the least, you imagine it will involve a heavy flashback element. Which is a good thing, because at its core, X-Men is really a story about a bromance between a psychic cripple and a tattooed holocaust survivor with a huge dong. Polish up the awards, this thing’s as Oscar baity as The Reader.

Not necessarily relevant, but still awesome.

If you all will indulge me, I have some page view whoring to do here on Vince’s pretty CSS style sheet…

There have been a variety of rumors regarding the direction that Fox would be taking the X-Men after the overwhelming success of X-Men: First Class rescued the franchise from the Cheetos-dusted fingers of Brett Ratner’s demise. For starters, we know that Patrick Stewart will be returning as Professor X in X-Men: Days of Future Past, and he also hinted that other actors will also reprise their roles from the original trilogy.

Obviously, we knew that Hugh Jackman is still Wolverine, because he was in First Class and he’s filming The Wolverine, and nobody else was born to play Wolverine like Jackman, but now we also know that P-Stew wasn’t lying because Famke Janssen has a cameo in The Wolverine. Additionally, by hiring Mark Millar to oversee all of its Marvel properties, Fox is working diligently to create an alliance not only between X-Men and Fantastic Four, but also possibly Marvel’s The Avengers, which would obviously be amazing.

So now the bad news – Matthew Vaughn is no longer directing Days of Future Past because he’s working on another film. I know, I’m bummed, too.

Read the rest of this entry »

This is a Japanese game show where they scare a bear cub and then make fun of it. Haha, bear dishonor family. [via Buzzfeed]

Daily Circle Jerk Links of the Day:

• A musical ode to captain Jean Luc Picard. |HolyTaco|
• Speaking of Hitler, here’s Hitler finding out about Michael Jackson’s death. |ScreenJunkies|
• Ever wanted to buy a t-shirt gun?  Now’s your chance.  Now all you need is a sports arena. |on205th|
• A hideously deformed mutant made a 90s-era rap tribute to “LOL”. |Atom|
• Emma Watson moved in with her boyfriend, a 26-year-old “financier.” Oh, Emma, when will you stop playing games and lift the restraining order? And besides, only girls with chlamydia date guys in finance. True story. |DailyFill|
• Meet the best six-year-old basketball player in the world. And he’s Jewish! Ha, just kidding of course. |HoopDoctors|
• Look everyone, The Hangover is a ripoff of Dude Where’s My Car!  And it doesn’t matter because Zach Galifianakis makes me ejaculate happiness. |CollegeHumor|
• The 10 best iPhone apps. My favorite app is called “Verizon,” which allows you to not have an iPhone.  Incredible!  …Tired?  There’s a nap for that. |TSBMag|
• Dana White goes to war with EA over their MMA video game, says not too long ago EA wouldn’t take a meeting because MMA disgusted them.  |G4|
• A painting of Quentin Tarantino and Adolf Hitler in a Reservoir Dogs-style Mexican standoff. |Heeb|
• In a way, this garbage-can-full-of-water prank might actually be more ruthless than the old flaming bag of dog poop.  |EpicCarnival|