Matthew Modine was recently photographed on the New York set of The Dark Knight Rises testing the elastic on a pair of lacy pink panties with a crotch front big enough for even your mom’s sweaty jungle muff. The caption possibilities are endless. Could those be the pretty pink panties through which he fingerbanged Mary Jane Rottencrotch from Full Metal Jacket? POSSIBLY. But here’s my caption:

“Yes, gentlemen, it’s true that we Mormons wear magic underwear, but no one said they had to be boring.”

Pretty good, huh? …Oh, I’m sorry, did you actually want to hear about the movie? Sorry, let’s get to that.

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BestWeekEver calls them briefs, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say these Robert Pattinson underpants were actually meant for girls, which would make them panties (which is a very sexy word… panties).  Sure, they aren’t a very hip or sexy cut as far as ladies’ underwear goes, but let’s be honest, if you’re wearing abstinent vampire panties, the only one who’s gonna see them is your cats.  And it’s not like you have to worry about visible panty lines when you’re wearing B.U.M. sweatpants.  Oh, and in addition to having Edward Cullen’s face on your crotch, they put his mouth right where your V crust or snail trails or whatever girls have down there coagulates.  It’ll be the first time Edward Cullen has ever helped make panties dry. Haha, good one, Jay.

First person to make a joke about drinking period blood gets thrown up on.

Here’s what the Twihards had to say about them:

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There’s something mesmerizing about this new poster for The Unborn, but I can’t quite put my finger in it. I mean on it.  I mean, I would like to put my penis inside of it.  I mean I could really go for some sodomy right now.  Crap, are you guys getting this?  I should really stop beating around the bush.  …shut up, I was already leaving.

Congratulations, Unborn poster maker guy.  You’ve successfully distracted me from that ridiculous kid in a dracula costume.  (The girl is Odette Yustman, in case you were wondering).  [via Empire]