For some reason I feel like I haven’t heard anything about this movie before today, but here’s the trailer for James L. Brooks’ rom-com, How Do You Know, which opens in December.  It stars Reese Witherspoon as a lady both Owen Wilson and Paul Rudd seem to be in love with, and why not? She’s a total low-maintenance, down-to-Earth kinda gal, which you can tell because she’s always wearin’ a blue t-shirt.  Will she stick just her head through the collar?  Maybe her head, her shoulder, and a bra strap?  Who knows, bro, chick’s a free spirit.  Spontaneous.  That’s why all the dudes realize they love her after mistreating her for a few years.

Yes, she and Paul Rudd meet in an elevator, and Owen Wilson has hilarious conversations with his glib, chauvinist friends, but for a rom-com, there aren’t nearly as many of the usual idiotic clichés, like Sandra Bullock’s Blackberry getting stolen by an eagle, or Sarah Jessica Parker getting kicked by a cow, or Amy Adams.  If this was your usual sh*tty rom-com, Jack Nicholson, who plays Paul Rudd’s dad, would’ve been talking about sex the whole time, and the joke would’ve been that it’s funny because he’s old.  And then Katherine Heigl would find love when she finally stopped being an insufferable bitch.

I’m one of those people who thinks Woody Allen has made enough influential films that he sort of gets  a pass for making just as many crappy ones.  Still, after enduring Vicky Cristina Barcelona, with it’s “‘let’s not have another turgid discussion about categorical imperatives,” and characters that wrote poetry but refused to publish it “to punish the world for its inability to love,” it took weeks to cleanse my nostrils of the smell of farts (thanks, cocaine).  Now, Woody’s back with a similar-sounding film, starring Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams’ butt, French First Lady Carla Bruni, Kathy Bates, Adrien Brody, Rachel McAdams’ butt, and Rachel McAdams’ butt.

Today Allen announced the cast of his next film, Midnight in Paris.
The movie is a romantic comedy following a family traveling to the city for business. “The party includes a young engaged couple that has their lives transformed throughout the journey. The film celebrates a young man’s great love for Paris, and simultaneously explores the illusion people have that a life different from their own is better.”  [CinemaBlend]

Hmm, sounds a little like Vicky Cristina Barcelona, and a lot like The Darjeeling Limited in Paris.  Both films are similar in that (*dissmissive wanking motion*)  (*glances lovingly back at Rachel McAdams’ butt*)  (*actual wanking*).  Man, if I find out that’s a butt double, I’ll cry harder than when Old Yeller met the shotgun.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to have another turgid discussion with my wiener about Rachel McAdams’ butt.

Oh man.  I feel like I’ve died and gone to AWESOME RADICAL DOG MOVIE HEAVEN!  (*air guitar*) That’s because Yahoo just released a full trailer for Marmaduke, starring that guy from The Fall, Owen Wilson as Marmaduke, George Lopez as Carlos the Cat, Fergie as some bitch, and playing himself, Academy Award nominee William H. Macy (*cocks dog head to the side quizzically*) .  Talking animals?  Check.  Popular songs?  You know it.  Elaborate animal dance numbers in CGI?  Duh. A great Dane surfing??  CHECK AND MATE, MOTHERF*CKER!

WHY IS THIS NOT IN 3D?  I DEMAND TO HAVE MY OPTICAL NERVE F*CKED DOGGYSTYLE BY SURFING DOGS IN SUNGLASSES!   Sorry.  Sorry.  I’ll calm down.  Dog movies just get me really fired up is all.  When I die, I want “Ron Perlman as Chupadogra” on my tombstone.

Five years from now, William H. Macy is going to be really tired of answering, “I’ve always wanted to know… did you do your own stunts in Marmaduke?”

I’ve made no secret of my love of Zoolander.  At the very least, it allows me to pretend liking “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” is purely ironic and cool.  What? Oh right, next you’ll tell me Queen is gay. Anyway, as such it’s with a happy smile and buttered asshole that I report Tropic Thunder writer Justin Theroux is in negotiations to write and direct a Zoolander sequel.

Ben and Justin are working on the script together, and Theroux is going to Fashion Week in Paris to “immerse himself on what is current in fashion”. ”It’s got momentum,” a studio source just told me. Everyone’s hoping Owen Wilson co-stars again but no deal is set. The villain likely will be Jonah Hill who’s in negotiations. [DeadlineHollywood]

I hope Owen Wilson isn’t too busy Kate Hudsoning his career with Marmaduke, that Farrelly Brothers’ movie, and Little Fockers to be in this.  The concept just doesn’t work as well without two dudes with jacked up noses being male models.  No one wants to see actual male models, that would be gay. (Hint, hint, Captain America). Read the rest of this entry »

After the jump you can watch the just-released teaser for Fox’s (who else) Marmaduke, featuring the voice of Owen Wilson.  In just 41 seconds it manages to squeeze in both “California” by Phantom Planet (formerly of the opening sequence of The OC) and Tupac’s “California Love.”  It’s all part of the new tourism campaign for California. California: The dogs in sunglasses state.  COWABUNGA!  *rides off on skateboard, falls down*

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