A few weeks back, the blog-o-tubes were up in Cheetos-stained arms about Clive Barker’s Midnight Meat Train, which had been groomed for a wide release by Lionsgate, only to be dumped into a handful of dollar theaters when Joe Drake took over at Lionsgate. The film went quickly to DVD after making about $80 grand, and most assumed Drake screwed it over to keep it from competing against The Strangers, on which Drake had a producing credit.

That brings us to today, when the rumor is the Weinsteins might do something similar with Outlander. Speculation stems from DreadCentral‘s discovery that some DVD sites and Amazon are taking Outlander DVD orders and have set the release at November 18th, even though Outlander still doesn’t have a date set for a  theatrical release. Meanwhile, /Film quotes an Outlander site as saying the Weinsteins are contractually obligated to give it at least a limited theatrical run.

It’s all speculation at this point, but the only thing we know for sure is that I just wrote three paragraphs about movie where an alien crash lands on Earth to help some Vikings fight a f*cking space dragon. If I wasn’t so good looking, I’d hate my life right now.

To refresh your memory, Outlander is a movie about a guy from outer space crashlanding on Earth during Viking times and joining forces with them to fight a space dragon.  The guys who wrote it are also working on the latest draft of Conan the Barbarian.  The studio released this new clip this weekend, featuring spaceman Jim Caviezel getting interrogated by the suspicious Norsemen.  I really like the way they edited it.  Carefully choreographed fight scenes are so passé, the new cool thing to do is thump sounds spliced between guys going ‘Oof.’

On a related note, Outland was a great cartoon.  There’s a cat wearing underwear, LOL!

I know I linked a trailer for Outlander two days ago, but that link’s already broken and there’s already a new trailer up.  Once again, here’s the story:

A dude from outer space named Kainan (Jim Caviezel – Jesus from The Passion) crash lands in Viking-era Norway, pursued by a Cloverfield-looking space dragon called a Moorwen.  Kainan leads the alliance to kill the Moorwen by fusing his advanced technology with the Viking’s Iron Age weaponry.   

Hmm, it all sounds a little mundane to me.  So futuristic Jesus crash lands on Earth and has to team up with the Vikings to fight a space dragon.  But then what happens?  I dunno, I’m just not sure there’s a story there.  (I’m also including the painting I commissioned of Jesus circumcising a dragon – it’s strangely relevant, don’t you think?)

This trailer hit the web a couple days ago but somehow I missed it.  It’s called Outlander, and the premise is that a dude from outerspace crash lands on Earth during the reign of the Vikings, pursued by a space dragon named Moorwen. 

Though both man and monster are seeking revenge for violence committed against them, Kainan (Jim Caviezel) leads the alliance to kill the Moorwen by fusing his advanced technology with the Viking’s Iron Age weaponry. [JoBlo]

So basically Vikings, dragons, aliens, and the hero is Jesus.  I don’t know, it sounds a little high brow for my tastes.  I mean, no zombies?  No vampires?  What kind of arty eurotrash garbage is this?  No US release date has been set, but it opens today in Latvia, marking the first time in history Latvia was advanced at something.  Oh yeah, I went there.  Suck it, Baltic States.