Original caption: “A giant otter eating a watermelon at the Zlin Zoo in Czech Republic. It appears the watermelon is so tasteless that it makes the otter cry…” I just can’t get enough of this poor, self-hating otter who loves watermelon and hates himself for it, like Sharlto Copley choking down cat food in District 9.  |DailyPicksFlicks|

MORNING LINKS
Trey Parker & Matt Stone start their own studio to finance Book of Mormon movie and other stuff |Film Drunk|

Lizard People and synthetic poop… you know, the usual. |Frotcast|

This Cat Is Utterly Terrified Of Nicki Minaj’s Face |UPROXX|

Evil Otter will eat your soul and all the watermelons. [via DP&F]

The Best And Very, Very Worst Of Vintage WCW Promo Photos |With Leather|

Taylor Swift Fans Launch Jihad Against Tina Fey, Much To Our Amusement |Warming Glow|

Meme Watch: You Will Not Go To Space Today |Gamma Squad|

Rihanna’s 7 Very Special Complex Magazine Covers |Smoking Section|

Jacquizz Rodgers Embraces Your Jokes About His Name |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

On the set of your favorite classic films |theChive|

25 Problems That Desperately Need To Be Solved In 2013 |Buzzfeed|

Top 5/Bottom 5: Steven Soderbergh’s Movies |Film.com|

You’ve Got a Friend in the Shot-For-Shot Live-Action ‘Toy Story’ Remake |NextMovie|

Katherine Webb Leaks Her Own Press, Is Kinda Dumb |IDLYITW|

11 Famous Misquotations and What Was Really Said |Mental Floss|

5 Fountain Of Youth movies That Will Keep You Young |Screen Junkies|

Wait, There Is Going To Be A Wahlburgers Reality Show? |Videogum|

Five Plot Holes From Major Films That Are Hard To Look Past |Unreality|

There’s No Way That’s Alexander Skargard’s Penis. Just No Way. |The Superficial|

9 Celebrity hypocrites. You could only think of 9? |Fark|

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Some genius on Tumblr put together a whole series of Otters who look like Benedict Cumberbatch (the unfairly typecast actor from the UK’s Sherlock Holmes and soon to be the voice of Smaug in The Hobbit and the villain in the Star Trek sequel). If you don’t know why I’m posting this, you’ve obviously never been to this site before. It combines at least three of our favorite things, including otters, poncey Brits with silly names, and celebrities who look like animals (see also: Alpaca Taylor Lautner, Tibetan Fox Pattinson…).

Bloimey, mistah Cumbahbatch! Wot we’s gonna do wiv aw deez abalones? Dey’s snoggin’ up da chunnew, dey is! We ain’ been abew ta get da lorries frough fa dogs’ yeahs!

*CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP* *rubs tummy contentedly*

*ticker tape parade*

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Hey, girl.  Ever been raped by Pikachu?  [via Thatissogay]

DAILY CIRCLE J LINKS:

• If you like lap dances, you’ll love this job at the University of Leeds. |GammaSquad|
• Honestly, I think the poll adding up to 120% is the least offensive part of this thing.  The premise of the poll was asking viewers what they thought about global warming.  Getting info from Fox News is like going in for a biopsy and having the doctor poll random people on the street about whether you have cancer instead.  |WarmingGlow|
• I love this make your own MMA shirt contest¹. |WithLeather|
• An interview with Broken Lizard’s Kevin Heffernan, aka Farva. |Moviefone|
• Lisa Lampanelli celebrates Hannukkah by lighting a Menorah made of black dildos.  For serious.  |Heeb|
• Sapporo makes beer using… SPACE BARLEY!  |FListed|
• Swedish group wants “hymen” changed to “vaginal corona.”  So can I squeeze a lime in it or what?  |Fark|
• How to fire someone in Gotham City. |CollegeHumor|
• DC is rebooting their Superman and Batman comics, which is big news for you huge nerds. |ToplessRobot|
• Bobby Bottle Service auditions for Jersey Shore.  If only they could arrange it so that someone wearing an Ed Hardy hat could get punched in the face in every episode.  I’d watch that. |ScreenJunkies|
• How to tell if your Facebook days are over. |HolyTaco|

And finally, here’s an otter holding a beer:

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America’s sweetheart and noted joy-to-work-with Katherine Heigl has signed up for Life as We Know It, which surprisingly isn’t a Lifetime movie of the week.

Project dates back to 2001, when Revolution bought the spec from scribes Ian Deitchman and Kristin Rusk Robinson. Story follows two unattached adults whose worlds are turned upside down when their mutual best friends die in an accident and name them as caregivers for their orphaned daughter.  Heigl and her mother Nancy Heigl are exec producing. [Variety]

Just in case you’re an aspiring screenwriter, here are the templates for a Katherine movie:

COMEDY: A wacky circumstance brings two attractive people together.  At first they resist, then they fall in love.

DRAMA: A tragic circumstance forces two attractive people together.  At first they cry, then they struggle, then they fall in love.

Also, another great comedic device is if the main character has to adopt an otter.