Why are all the extras pooping in their pants?

We’re getting closer to Christmas, and Hollywood has something for everyone to stuff in their stocking this week, assuming everyone wants The Bourne Legacy, Ted, or Ice Age: Continental Drift. If those titles don’t get you excited, there are plenty of other options that didn’t get the theatrical releases those films did.  We’ve got flicks with Jesse Eisenberg and James Van Der Beek.  We’ve got films about child sex-slaves and shaving and puppeteers.  There’s bigfoots and zombies and hipsters and hobbits.  There’s even a film so FilmDrunk-approved, its theatrical run was literally presented by FilmDrunk.

The DVDs:
The Bourne Legacy
Ted
Ice Age: Continental Drift
Why Stop Now
Backwards
Miami Connection
Trade Of Innocents
Mansome
Rehearsal For A Sicilian Tragedy
Dreams Of A Life
Insane Clown Posse & Twiztid’s American Psycho Tour Documentary
Night Claws
The Life Zone
Upon A Midnight Clear
Nesting
Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same
Age Of The Hobbits
Osombie
Creep Van
Halloween Party

Streaming: Check out your choices here.

Can’t remember which flick has FilmDrunk’s coveted blessing?  Continue reading to find out.  Want to find out if the film about child sex-slaves and the film about puppeteers is the same film?  Continue reading. Want to know which films I fairly arbitrarily suggest you watch on Netflix?  Click the streaming link above, but be aware: one of this week’s DVDs is targeted at Juggalos, and you won’t know which one it is unless you continue reading without skipping right to the last page. Read the rest of this entry »

THIS WEEK IN POSTERS: This week in posters, Titans will wrath, Halle Barry’s bewbs thwart a shark attack, Paul Rudd parties in a sunflower field, Nic Cage looks as bored as you’ve ever seen him, and we learn that not even indie films can resist the sweet, sweet lure of pointlessly diagonal horizon lines. Let’s do it!

WRATH OF THE TITANS: I like this poster far better than the film has any chance of being. Just describing the poster presents a far more intriguing story than the actual film. “Well basically, we took the luckdragon from Neverending Story and stabbed it with a trident until it puked fire.”

See? That’s a way better movie.
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If zombie teen romance isn’t your bag, you’ll be happy to know that zombies are easily shoehorned into any premise that needs a few more exploding meat buckets (also the name of my indie band/mother’s maiden name), including one in which we kill Osama again. That’s the premise of Osombie, the trailer for which appears below (actual tagline: “Osama. Will. Die. Again.”). As the disclaimer warns, it contains “scenes of violence and gore and muscular men with their shirts off.” These are a few of my fav-or-ite thiiiiings…. The thing about a plot in which Osama Bin Laden is a zombie is that it if Osama is back on Earth hunting for brains, it assumes that being knee-deep in virgin afterlife poon maybe isn’t Allah it’s cracked up to be. …Oh God, I’m sorry, that was a horrible pun. I deserve to be stoned to death for that one.

(*takes huge bong load*)

Halfway there…

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