(picture source)

Okay, guys, you know the drill, it’s comments of the week time. Wait, you do know the drill, don’t you? Well if not, here goes. Every Sunday, I honor those comments that help make FilmDrunk one of the only comment sections worth reading on the whole dang internet. To help me choose, you the reader helps nominate throughout the week. You do that by copying and pasting your favorite comments in the most recent Comment of the Week post’s comment section (the comment section below this post, for instance). Bookmark it if you have to. Now then, let’s get this show on the road.

Now, I don’t know if this was necessarily the “funniest” or “best” comment of this week, but I think Oski deserves some recognition for taking the time to reimagine the entire opening scene of Bulletproof as a dog movie, in honor of my post about Quigley, the film where Gary Busey gets reincarnated as a Pomeranian. Wow, this is going to be the longest Comments of the Week post ever.

Fade In
EXT. Warehouse – Night
A Pomeranian, QUIGLEY, climbs a crane and sneaks into the warehouse through an open skylight. CUT TO
INT. Warehouse – NIGHT
QUIGLEY climbs through the girders and rafters in the warehouse ceiling and observes multiple HENCHDOGS loading illegal CHEW TOYS onto trucks.
Quigley: Bingo…
CUT TO
INT. Surveillance Van – NIGHT
BINGO is sitting at a console when he hears his name come over the radio.
BINGO: What’s up Quigley?
QUIGLEY: Not you, I just meant “Bingo, I found what I was looking for.”
BINGO: Alright Quigs, get out of there, let’s wait for backup.
Quigley: I don’t need backup…
INT. Warehouse – NIGHT
The leader of the HENCHDOGS, DANNY TREHOUND, is shaking paws with the SUPPLIER of the illegal CHEW TOYS.
DANNY TREHOUND: Orale hounds, this is some good sh*t.
SUPPLIER: I told you, didn’t I?
DANNY TREHOUND: Yeah, I just wish we had somebody to test these on.
QUIGLEY, still in the rafters, makes his way closer to the deal when one of his paws makes a squeak on the STEEL GIRDER.
DANNY TREHOUND: Woof the f*ck his this?
QUIGLEY: Your worst nightmare butthorn!
SUPPLIER: QUIGLEY!
QUIGLEY: YEAH!
QUIGLEY JUMPS from the girder down to some conveniently stacked boxes and bags of soft stuff that would not normally be in a warehouse just as the HENCHDOGS begin shooting.
Bullets wiz past everywhere, but QUIGLEY is untouched and manages to take out all of the HENCHDOGS with his MAGNUM.
DANNY TREHOUND and the SUPPLIER jump into a TACO TRUCK and speed out of the warehouse.
TO BE CONTINUED….probably not, this was a huge waste of time but I already got this far.

Danny Trehound. It was worth it, Oski, it was worth it. And here are your honorable mentions…

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Party Dog is about to make it rain all over 69 Cats. (*howls lyrics to "Cherry Pie"*)

This week’s comment of the week was tough to choose, as it always is when there’s a 100+ comment thread of Gary Busey facts.  But in the end, like Gary Busey, I had to go with my gut:

Donkey Hodey says: Gary Busey once had the same dream as Martin Luther King Jr., except when he woke up, his pillow was gone.

I couldn’t tell you what that even means, but every time I read it, I can’t stop giggling.  The even bigger news is, this week’s comment of the week will be competing with every other comment of the week in FilmDrunk’s first ever COMMENT OF THE YEAR honors.  Happening right here!  Right now!  I’ve sifted through damn near 52 comments and picked my 10 favorites.  That’s a lot of work for a blogger!  (*mops brow with wadded tissue, takes kleenex boxes off feet, puts feet on desk

But wait! Will this post be a slideshow??  YOU’RE G*DDAMN RIGHT THIS POST IS A SLIDESHOW!  Won’t you come with me, on a click-rate increasing journey of magic and wonder? Read the rest of this entry »

(FilmDrunk t-shirts still on sale)

Folks, I’ve been amazed and delighted at the response to the first batch of t-shirts.  The down side is that I sold out of everything but XL and 2XL.  I’ll try to get another batch printed up as soon as possible.   In the meantime, let’s hope today’s winner is an XL or 2XL.  There was a lot of gold in the comments section this week, but this one made me laugh the hardest.  From David Carradine’s Widow Sues Production Company for Making Him Choke-’Bate:

Oski says:  WHAT REALLY HAPPENED:
Carradine: It’s really nice of you cowboys letting me eat with you after I got left behind by my assistant.
Cowboy 1: It’s our pleasure.
Cowboy 2: Hey, it looks like we’re out of Pace® Picante Sauce.
Carradine: I’ve got some sauce.
Cowboy 1: Hey wait, mango chutney salsa….what is this?
Carradine: It’s salsa, what’s the difference?
Cowboy 2: Hey, it says here this stuff is made in New York City.
Cowboys: NEW YORK CITY?!?!?!?
Cowboy 3: Get a rope……….and a wig………and some stockings.

(*sniff*)  That was beautiful, man.  Here are the rest that almost made the grade:

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This week’s comments of the week winners will receive a t-shirt with one of the designs you see above, courtesy of Rob at ShirtGenius.  Shirtgenius.com has both of these and more aggressive shirt designs.  Take a look at this shirt, for instance. Now that is an aggressive shirt.  It makes me wish I was pregnant and Jewish.  But I say that about everything.  Jason Statham says, “Oi. Most cunts know, Oy don’ wear fock’n shir’s, now does Oy? But if a cunt was wearin one of dese shir’s, ovva cunts moight be woise ta steah cleah, now wouldn’ dey?”  (As part of the terms of this giveaway, Rob wasn’t interested in a plug from me, only one from The Stath).

In any case, here are the winning comments (honorable mentions after the jump):

(from PATRICK BATEMAN WAS BASED ON TOM CRUISE)
Pauly Dangerously says: “As we arrive at Espace I’m on the verge of tears as I’m certain there are gays there. But there isn’t; relief washes over me in an awesome wave.”  [+10 for proper use of meme -Ed.]

(from SOUTH AFRICAN GUY CAMPAIGNS FOR ROLE OF TARZAN)
Oski says:
Crocodile Dundee: “Thaht’s noht ah knife, this is ah knife.”
DEWET: “NO, THIS IS A KNIFE! IT’S NOT SHARP, BUT IT LOOKS AWESOME AND CAN LEARN TO BE SHARP!”

Well done, guys.  Send me your addresses and collect your prize.

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