Probably the easiest criticism of Seth MacFarlane’s “sexist” “Why couldn’t the song have been about men?

To that end, flowy-locked New York software developer Kevin Gisi has released his own gender-swapped version of “We Saw Your Boobs,” called “We Saw Your Junk.” If I had one criticism of this, it’s that he doesn’t use Harvey Keitel for the breakdown. Come on! If ever there was a male Kate Winslet, it’s Harvey Keitel. Harvey Keitel’s penis has been in The Piano (which he mentions), Bad Lieutenant, and Ulysses’ Gaze, and those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. I’m sure Harvey Keitel’s penis has been a bunch of places, places I can’t even imagine.

If I had a second criticism of this, it would be WHY ISN’T A WOMYN SINGING IT, HUH? Is it because Kevin Gisi doesn’t think women are funny? Is it because he thinks women can’t sing? Oh yeah, nice one, dude, I guess you’ve never heard of Taylor Swift or Aretha Franklin. If a woman sang this, YouTube would probably only pay her 70% of a man’s ad-sharing, because that’s the world we live in. That’s the reality. Kevin Gisi is probably some jock redneck who thinks women should just stay in the kitchen baking and popping out babies and not singing, and it’s just such typical bullshit that a white man has co-opted female culture and silenced women of color and stolen the voice of the disenfranchised yet again. I mean look at his hair! What’s that about? Is he mocking women? How is this any different from blackface? This whole video is like cultural rape. At the very least, it’s promoting a culture of cultural rape. Shame on you, Kevin, you bully rapist.

[AV Club]

Harvey looks at the guy kicking his seat and briefly considers having him killed

I think Michelle Obama’s great, but even I thought it was weird to have the First Lady as a presenter at the Oscars. But of course, you can’t say that without everyone thinking you’re Rush Limbaugh. Anyway, if you were wondering how it all came about, the short answer is Harvey Weinstein. He probably arranged it with the other Learned Elders of Zion– uh, I mean, his friends.

Michelle Obama presenting best picture from the White House? It was Harvey Weinstein‘s daughter’s idea.
According to Film Academy president Hawk Koch, the plan came from Weinstein and his daughter, Lily. That led to Koch and Oscars producers Craig Zedan and Neil Meron boarding a secret flight to Washington, D.C. two weeks ago.
Once they arrived, they met Weinstein and his daughter, and met with members of the First Lady’s staff to hammer out the details.
The person seen via satellite who handed her the Best Picture envelope Robert Moritz, the chairman of PriceWaterhouse Coopers, who handed over the envelope containing the winner’s name.
Jack Nicholson, who had introduced the First Lady from the Dolby Theatre stage, was holding a second envelope with the winner — in case something went wrong and they lost the connection. [THR]

So basically, Harvey Weinstein’s daughter wanted the President’s wife on the show, and Harvey Weinstein made it so, all with a couple phone calls. I mean why wouldn’t he be able to call in favors from the President? I swear, if that guy wanted an endangered okapi to lick whipped cream off his balls, he could make it happen before he lost his hard on. I imagine Harvey Weinstein’s office to be dark and filled with fog, with a giant hologram of his head floating above the room while an assistant pulls ropes that make fire shoot out of the walls like the Wizard of Oz.

Picture source = cinemafestival / Shutterstock.com

So earlier today, I had this whole post written about how wonderful Jennifer Lawrence’s reaction (above) was to Seth MacFarlane’s “I Saw Your Boobs” song (video below). The pictured reaction came after the line “…and we haven’t seen Jennifer Lawrence’s boobs at all.”

I noticed she was wearing a different dress than when she accepted her award, but I guess I’m dumb because I didn’t put it together that all the reactions to the song had been pre-recorded (a point on which most news outlets seem to agree). That it was pre-recorded makes sense, because I doubt rights issues would allow them to just splice in footage from other awards shows. I thought it was just another example of Jennifer Lawrence being wonderful in my 15th or so post on the subject, but it turns out it was just Jennifer Lawrence acting like Jennifer Lawrence being wonderful. At which she was wonderful. Mea culpa. Charlize Theron and Naomi Watts also played along:

Caryn James of Indiewire paints the live reactions as less rosy:

The live audience did not seem amused. Kathryn Bigelow and Helen Hunt were especially stony-faced.

Though take that with a grain of salt, as it comes in a longer piece about how much James hated MacFarlane as a host. I’m sure there were a couple laughs in there as well.

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Here’s Jack Nicholson popping in on Jennifer Lawrence during her post-Oscars interview with George Stephanopoulos. He tells her she did a beautiful job, and drops that old chestnut, “you look like an old girlfriend of mine,” a favorite of old pervs everywhere. At least he didn’t say “you remind me of my daughter,” like that British soldier right before he raped Braveheart’s girlfriend.

For her part, Jennifer Lawrence was obviously starstruck, but still poised enough to tell Jack playfully “you’re being very rude,” and “do I look like a new girlfriend?” Man, I don’t think I’ve ever been as comfortable in my own skin as that girl seems to be every second of every day. I’m sure there’ll be an eventual backlash against her as people get tired of all of us talking about how great she is, but just know that it’s only because she actually is so great and that I will fight you.
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As we’ve seen, Disney’s Oscar-winning short happily ever after, without a care for all those old people who now need to write new wills. Well it turns out, one of Paperman‘s producers, Kristina Reed (above), decided to celebrate last night’s Oscar win by throwing paper airplanes of her own inside the auditorium. Which resulted in her promptly getting kicked out of the Dolby Theatre.

This is what happens when magical realism stops being magical and starts getting real.

After Disney’s Paperman won the Academy Award for best animated short Sunday, producer Kristina Reed began throwing paper airplanes, about three or four — with kisses on them, like the ones seen in the film — from her seat in the mezzanine.

You don’t even want to know how Michael Haneke celebrated.

The paper planes were nowhere near the stage, instead shooting straight down from the balcony. It went largely unnoticed by the crowd, but security didn’t think the act was very sweet, kicking her out of the Dolby Theatre auditorium.
It would turn out to be temporary. After a short protest, security brought her back to her seat about five to 10 minutes later. [THR]

Blatant publicity stunt? A clever way to make people think of Paperman‘s producers as people and not as a giant, faceless, evil corporation (Disney)? Maybe, but it was cute, and it worked, and when you’re making short films, it doesn’t take much to separate you from the other guys. Let’s not forget why Academy members voted for Paperman in the first place. Here’s what an anonymous Academy voter had to say about that part of his ballot when The Hollywood Reporter talked to him as he was filling it out last week:

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