“YOU SHALL NOT FAST PASS!”

There’s been a rumor in my quaint little Hamlet of Orlando, Florida for several years that there would someday be a Lord of the Rings attraction at one of our two major theme parks – Walt Disney World or Universal Studios Florida. Now, I had held out hope that it would be a part of Legoland, but it turns out that you can’t even get into Legoland if you don’t have a kid with you. What the f*ck is that noise? A bro can’t like Legos? But I digress.

This rumor has appeared once again, like a big ol’ eye of Sauron, notably at a site known as MiceChat, which is run by Dusty Sage, who claims to be a “consumer advocate for theme park travelers”. Last night, Sage wrote the following:

Big news in the theme park world. Universal is in talks to bring Lord of the Rings lands and rides to a theme park near you. Hot on the success of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, Universal isn’t about to let Disney take a counter punch with Avatar or Star Wars without a major blow of its own. There are exciting times ahead for theme park fans.

There is no source to this claim, nor is there any information that divulges when or where this could happen. Alas, that hasn’t stopped message board threads (like this one) from picking the meat from the bones of this idea like giant Fellbeasts.

Read the rest of this entry »

From the folks who brought you The FP and Klown comes yet another batshit-looking release called Miami Connection. Boob gifs. Mullets. Kung Fu. Synth pop. Florida. This I promise you, this post has everything.

Drafthouse Films, the film distribution arm of the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema, announced today their acquisition of North American rights to explosive ’80s martial arts gem Miami Connection. Directed by 9th degree black belt philosopher/author/inspirational speaker Grandmaster Y.K. Kim, the film tells the story of fearless synth rock band Dragon Sound as they embark on a roundhouse wreck-wave of crime-crushing justice in the streets of Orlando. Now in HD from elements sourced by the America Genre Film Archive (AGFA), Miami Connection will have its official re-launch screening at this year’s New York Asian Film Festival on Saturday, July 7th (with Grandmaster Kim in attendance) and will return to cinemas, home video and debut on digital platforms in Q4 of 2012.

I know I say this all the time, but you had me at “crime-crushing justice on the streets of Orlando.” And if that doesn’t convince you, perhaps this gif will:

Read the rest of this entry »