What this video presupposes is, what if this goat really liked Oprah?

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In a move that’s not at all a shameless ploy for TV ratings, the Academy of Motion Picture Farts and Scientologists has announced that they’ll be Oprah Winfrey with the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award, given to an “individual in the motion picture industry whose humanitarian efforts have brought credit to the industry.’” Oprah of course having proven herself in the motion picture industry by putting her name on Precious and starring in The Color Purple in 1986. Reached for comment, last year’s co-host James Franco said, “Huh? …Oh. Heh, whatever.”

Not everyone is applauding the move, because Winfrey hasn’t exactly shown a laserlike focus on movies since her 1986 Oscar nomination for The Color Purple. “She’s in the motion picture industry?” New York Film Critics Circle chair John Anderson asks THR sarcastically. “It seems like a shameless bid for a ratings boost — although once they start showing clips from Beloved and The Color Purple the numbers will plummet.” Many charge that giving Winfrey the philanthropic award is really an attempt to get her to be philanthropic to the academy, by showing up at the February Oscar broadcast as well as the untelevised Governor’s Awards.

The Los Angeles Times’ Patrick Goldstein called Winfrey’s award “boneheaded.” Even a Winfrey fan like former NWFCC chair Armond White, who enthusiastically voted for her in the 1986 National Society of Film Critics Awards and the New York Film Critics Circle Awards, was appalled. “Does this newly announced Academy prize prove that Oprah means the same thing to Hollywood as past Jean Hersholt Award winners Bob Hope, Frank Sinatra, Audrey Hepburn, Elizabeth Taylor, Lew Wasserman, Charlton Heston?” White asks THR rhetorically. “Is this just another way for the academy to continue to grovel for TV ratings?” [TRUTHBOMB'D!] [THR]

I’ve never watched Oprah, and honorary awards don’t matter anyway, but you know what would be an awesome show? A talk show starring a lovable Italian stereotype from the 20s, Woprah. Hey! Wheech-a one-a you-a skeefozo stole alla my cabbage? Come-a listen to-a Papa! I guana give-a you some-a tips for to a-make-a the weight-a loss! Mama Mia, you-a too skeeny! Madonn’, now-a who-a gonna eat-a all thees-a pizza pie!? Manga, manga, you make-a you mama cry!

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(CLICK TO ANIMATE)

It’s been a long weekend, folks.  I’m sure you’re all plenty sick of your family by now, or God willing, your parents are dead like Jacktion‘s.  We’ll get this ship back up to full speed by tomorrow, but in the meantime, please enjoy this gif animation of Oprah releasing the bees.  (MINI UPDATE: Apparently this came from Conan. So well done, Conan).

[via LessPopMoreFizz, thanks to Ken for the tip]

But wait!  I wonder what Nic Cage would have to say about this…

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(James Cameron allows only the finest European prostitutes on his yacht)

If KStew and RPattz are making $41 mil just for feigning acid reflux in the last two Twilight movies, it only stands to reason that the guy who wrote, directed and produced the highest-grossing film of all time ($2.7 billion worldwide and counting) would earn a lot more.  Well, you read the headline, didn’t you?  James Cameron’s $350 million take comes 13 years after he earned a reported $97 million for Titanic.  Asked what he plans to do with all that money, he said, somewhat predictably, “Two chicks, man.”

Though Hollywood pay experts tell me that the $350M all-in figure is largely attributable to his directing deal structured as “first dollar” gross or more likely “at cash break” gross.
“But Cameron is making $350 million because the DVD did beyond expectation,” an insider tells me. Indeed, its 2D DVD and Blu-Ray worldwide sales smashed records in all categories. And still to come is the release of its 3D DVD in November.

Forbes magazine about a week ago placed Cameron only #2 on its Celebrity 100 money ranking this year of the richest and most powerful actors, actresses, musicians and other well known showbiz figures. In fact, based on my insiders, Cameron should have been #1 because his $350M far exceeds the $315M which the magazine said top-ranked Oprah Winfrey earned. Forbes underestimated the director’s pay at only $210M. [Deadline]

Say what you will about James Cameron, I think it’s kind of crazy that a guy had to spend 10 years plus developing a movie, including inventing a new kind of 3D camera and creating a fictional language; it went on to become the highest-grossing film of all time, and he only just edged out a chick who goes on TV to talk about sandwiches.  Equal pay for equal work my ass.

I’ve got a big story here, folks.  I mean, we’re talking try-not-to-drop-your-cat-in-your-chocolate big.  What am I talking about?  The stars of Twilight, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, have finally confimed that they’re dating.  It’s like everything I’ve ever written in puffy paint is coming true.  I hope you’re lubed up, John Stamos.

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Dakota Fanning, and Taylor Lautner all taped an episode for The Oprah Winfrey Show earlier this week, to air May 13.

While some fans were treated to a special screening of Eclipse, the good stuff happened with the cameras weren’t rolling. Like when Rob and Kristen confirmed to Oprah backstage they are in fact dating:

“We were all briefed before the show how to handle the talent,” says our source who works for the Big O. “Part of what we were told was that Rob and Kristen are dating.”

“Obviously Oprah had to ask something during the taping, but agreed beforehand she wouldn’t be too hard on [Rob and Kristen] if they told her what was really going on. Both Rob and Kristen’s people and Summit then confirmed ahead of time [Rob and Kristen] are together and are dating. One hundred percent.” [EOnline]

Life imitates art yet again. You see? I just knew a story would come along to prove how realistic Stephenie Meyer’s stories are.  Knowing these two are really together gives me the strength to dump my boyfriend and hold out for true love, someone who’ll care for me so much that we never have sex and he watches me while I sleep and comforts me with his childish grasp of the English language.  In fact, my sources say that Kristen and Rob are so in love, they just sat there staring at each other looking like they had heartburn for two f*cking hours.

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