Ong Bak 3 Ass-Kicking Giveaway (& comments of the week)

Written by Vince Mancini / 12.12.10
Ong-bak3-Elephant-swing

This is how you carjack in the Thai version of Grand Theft Auto

In honor of Ong Bak 3‘s December 3rd release on VOD, XBOX, Playstation, and Amazon, I’ve been given the honor of giving away ONE prize pack that includes Ong Bak, Ong Bak 2, Chocolate, Exiled, and Dynamite Warrior. Believe me when I say that I would totally keep this for myself if I could get away with it.  Sadly, I must declare a winner.

THE WINNER IS: for his accurate assessment of the Adult Industry Medical Healthcare Foundation in Sherman Oaks in the post about the porn performer diagnosed with HIV:

Stone Soup says: I’ve been to this facility. The nurses all wear tons of make up and those little hats with a red cross on them, and the only thing they prescribe is more f**king.

So congrats, Stone, send me your address.  And now, on to everyone’s favorite part of Comments of the Week, the honorable mentions.

Read the rest of this entry »

33 Comments TAGS: , , ,

Tony Jaa quitting acting to become a monk

Written by Vince Mancini / 06.01.10

ong-bak2-elephant-jump-tony-jaa

All this time, I thought the stories of magic, of faceless henchmen and symbolic elephants in Tony Jaa movies were the just wacky tenets of Thai action films.  But the more I read about the actual Tony Jaa, the more I wonder if the plots of his movies aren’t actually just torn from the headlines, like the Thai Law & Order.

Tony Jaa has exited the film industry. We don’t know for how long and can only speculate on the reasons why but yesterday – Friday, May 28 – Jaa rode an elephant to a Buddhist temple in Surin, Thailand, where he shaved his head, took vows, and was officially ordained as a Buddhist monk. [Twitch]

That’s right, he rode an elephant.  If you’ll remember, Tony Jaa campaigned to be allowed to direct Ong Bak 2.  After delays and rumors that he’d sacrifice chickens before shooting, he cracked under the pressure and disappeared for two full months to meditate in the jungle, where some said he was “practicing black magic in Cambodia.”  He was later lured back out, and demanded to be let out of his contract with the studio.  At which point he disappeared in a car full of studio goons, and eventually turned up seeking refuge in a police station.  Whatever happened, he dropped his demands and agreed to split Ong Bak 2 into Ong Bak 2 and 3, with someone else directing.  And now that both of those are done, he’s apparently sworn off movie violence again.

It’s pretty obvious what needs to happen here.  A beautiful woman must trek many miles into the jungle to an isolated monastery.  There, she’ll seek out a monk.  The monk will deny that he’s Tony Jaa.  “I know of no one by that name,” he’ll say.  But the woman will persist.  “Please,” the woman will say, “you are my only hope.  An evil man has kidnapped my father and stolen the sacred trinkets of my village.  They tell me you’re the best….”

15 Comments TAGS: , , , ,

Ong Bak 3 trailer gets Engrish transration

Written by Vince Mancini / 04.13.10

Ever since Tony Jaa kneed and elbowed his way into my heart and pee hole a few years ago, I’ve posted every related story I can find, including plenty of clips from Ong Bak 3.  But up until now, we’ve had to watch the foreign versions, experiencing the action as outsiders, left to naively wonder what exactly Tony Jaa was saying just before he impaled that bad guy’s butt hole on an elephant tusk.

Well now Ong Bak 3 is back, with English subtitles, to let you know that Tony Jaa “smells the scent of vengefulness in you.”  Perhaps the scent is reminiscent of Thai food, like sex with Diablo Cody.  He also rocks some pretty freaky makeup in this one.  But I wouldn’t worry that Tony Jaa has gone Goth, he’s probably just painting his face to get pumped up for a big fight, like Lattimer from The Program.  God I’m gonna be sad when people stop getting that reference.

lattimer_the_program_face_paint OngBak3-goth-TonyJaa

[via RopeofSilicon -- Still no US release date set]

7 Comments TAGS: , , , , ,

HOLD ONTO YOUR ELEPHANT, IT’S ONG BAK 3

Written by Vince Mancini / 03.18.10

Epic hardass day on FilmDrunk continues with a new trailer for Ong Bak 3.  Tony Jaa stars, and as always, radiates feistiness and androgyny, like my favorite Thai naked wrestling partner, Cum-cum.  You know the plot — people piss off Tony Jaa, Tony Jaa beats their ass, I ruin another pair of sweatpants.  It’s refreshing, really.  When you think about it, it’s a lot like Slumdog Millionaire.  Kid grows up in a poor village, takes abuse from all manner of a-hole, later gets his revenge. Only instead of going on some gay gameshow so he can profess his love for some bitch he shared a tent with once when he was eight, he finds the guys who f*cked with him and throws them off the top of an elephant by the face.  Advantage: Jaa.  Can you imagine if someone had tried to turn Tony Jaa into a blind beggar? He’d shove the guy up an elephant’s ass then knee it in the kidney till it crushed the dude with its sphincter. Yes, the Thai are a proud people.

OngBak3-Facethrow-Tony-Jaa OngBak3-Facethrow2-Tony Jaa Ongbak3-facethrow3

[thanks to RoboPanda for the tip]

10 Comments TAGS: , , ,

ONG BAK 3 EXISTS, CONTAINS ELEPHANTS & PUNCHING

Written by Vince Mancini / 02.01.10

Ong-Bak3
(Pictured: The newest ride at Thai Disneyland)

I can’t believe I haven’t seen Ong Bak 2 yet, but I’m putting it on my Netflix queue today because after the jump I’ve got the trailer for Ong Bak 3.  I can’t see them out of sequence, the plot probably wouldn’t even make sense.  Anyway, the trailer contains much of what we’ve come to expect from Ong Bak, namely Tony Jaa elbowing people and doing stunts on an elephant.  And you know it’s a real elephant too, because this is Thailand, and they don’t stand for none of that prepackaged, American fake-elephant bullsh*t.   It’d be nice if we were still back in the good old days, before pansy actors and their Jew lawyers drove real elephants out of the business.  It’s an outrage, really makes you want to gore somebody.

Ong Bak 3: Because an elephant never forgets… TO KICK YOUR ASS!

Read the rest of this entry »

22 Comments TAGS: , , , ,

Sign Up

Follow Us