Like every other urban white person on the planet, I’ve been watching a lot of Homeland this season, and since Homeland is on Showtime, it’s hard to miss promos for Oliver Stone’s upcoming 10-part series, The Untold History of the United States (above, just in case you haven’t seen it). I want to puke every time I see it, because even if it did tell an actual untold history of the United States, no one would take it seriously because it has Oliver Stone’s name above the title. What real historian wants his theories presented by Oliver Stone? You associate it with Oliver Stone, you might as well call the show “Preaching to the Choir.” Anyway, Michael C. Moynihan from the Daily Beast decided to fact-check the show, or rather, the book by American University professor Peter Kuznick on which the show is based (which provides its sheen of legitimacy). And if you read the headline of this post you can already guess how that went.

The Bush and Obama years provided ample fodder for the revisionist, those interested in explaining the long arc of American imperialism or, in the case of cranks like Glenn Beck, the ever-present threat of Marxist subversion. The latest example of swivel-eyed, ideological history, this time from the left, is a collaboration between American University professor Peter Kuznick and filmmaker Oliver Stone, whose new book The Untold History of the United States, and attendant 10-part companion documentary series on Showtime, is a marvel of historical illiteracy.

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Did you know that the Marshall Plan to rebuild Europe after World War II too was an anti-Soviet provocation, which “exacerbated Soviet fears of both a rearmed Germany and capitalist encirclement”? But the Soviets surely blockaded Berlin, right? No, they “attempted nothing of the sort.” In fact, the 1961 Berlin crisis was also precipitated by the United States, but “the Berlin Wall defused the immediate danger” of war. North Korea invaded the South with Moscow’s blessing, but “believing that a South Korean attack on the North was coming, Stalin decided to act first.” Why did the Soviet Union invade Afghanistan in 1979? Jimmy Carter’s national security adviser Zbigniew Brzezinski, an “obsessed anti-communist” who, the authors note darkly, was a member of the Bilderberg Group and Trilateral Commission, “set the trap for the Russians in Afghanistan.”

Ooh, the Bilderberg Group? My crazy sense is tingling. (*puts on tinfoil hat*) Tell me more.

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MTV just released the trailer for Oliver Stone’s Savages, but since that version is region-locked, I’ve got your YouTube copy after the jump.

Oliver Stone adapts author Don Winslow’s best-selling novel into this all-star ensemble crime drama about a pair of peaceful, Laguna Beach marijuana dealers on who are targeted for extortion by the ruthless Mexican Baja Cartel.

Kick-Ass‘s Aaron Johnson plays the Buddhist hippie, and Taylor Kitsch his business partner who conveniently trained as a Navy SEAL. Blake Lively plays their mutual love interest, and Salma Hayek and Benicio Del Toro are the bad guys.

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Not sure about those other two, but I thought Retard Pig made some salient points

Oliver Stone has long been one of those self-described liberals who’s such an A-hole blowhard that he does a better job turning people off liberalism than the Hannities of the world ever could. Recently his son Sean, who’s filming a documentary about Iran, went on Bill O’Reilly to discuss his Valentine’s Day conversion to Islam and to say Mahmoud Ahmadinejad isn’t such a bad guy. Basically, it fit into the “Hollywood is a liberal propaganda machine” narrative so perfectly that Kirk Cameron celebrated with three Subway sandwiches (NONE FOR YOU, BELINDA!).

“Your association with Iran is interesting, since that country is an enemy to America,” O’Reilly says, as Stone smiles as if he expects to be grilled on the topic.
“Every time I had these conversations, I was very clear in saying, ‘you know, let’s stop with this down-with-America nonsense,’” Stone answers. “It really helped for the American image, frankly, by my being there.”
“You can be seen as somebody who’s being used, because, you know, you come from a family that’s very well known,” O’Reilly tells Stone.
“That could be,” Stone says. “I mean, with Ahmadinejad, he’s a little bit misunderstood because there are many factions in that country and he said some sensational things.”
“Look, look,” O’Reilly interrupts. “The one thing he said that’s undeniable was, he said that the Holocaust never happened. And once you get into that kind of fringe, lunatic assessment — all right — your father’s Jewish, I mean, come on.”
Stone, though, says Ahmadinejad’s denial of the Holocaust is also misunderstood. The Iranian president doesn’t mean the Holocaust didn’t happen, he means that it’s irrelevant to present-day politics, according to Stone.
“Why should it influence Israeli policy in regards to the Palestinians, in regards to the Middle East? That’s always been his point on that matter,” Stone says. “There’s no room for Holocaust denial, of course, I would never agree with that. But I just think that it’s simplistic to say that he’s a fanatic.”
O’Reilly asks: “You okay with Iran having a nuclear weapon?”
“I am, because it’s a Republic and there are factions. And it’s very much like this country. There’s a lot of unrest.”
Stone also predicted that an Occupy Tehran movement akin to Occupy Wall Street is on its way, and he suggested that President Jimmy Carter be enlisted to help solve problems in the Middle East, a thought that made O’Reilly chuckle. [THR]

So basically, O’Reilly painted Stone with the usual, mostly-meaningless conservative scare-words brush – “holocaust denier!” “enemy of ‘murica!” – and Stone responded by saying Ahmadinejad is misunderstood and that Iran needs an Occupy movement. MUST. REMOVE. PALM. FROM FACE. Hey, dummy. Aren’t you making a documentary about Iran? They already had an Occupy movement. It was in 2009, and it wasn’t called “occupy”, because it actually had specific criticisms and aims. It sort of fizzled out around the time the government there started shooting everyone in the face. Christ. I wish both these asswipes would give up breathing for Lent. I want to take the “America is always right crowd,” mix them with the “America is always wrong” crowd, puree them into a fine paste, and fire them into the sun while I hum the Battle Hymn of the Republic and jack off to European erotica.

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What is this “Dougie” you speak of?  Are you sure he’s not just covering his bald spot?

MORNING LINKS

The 10 Most Stylish Dictators. |Uproxx|

Is Verizon Really Debuting an iPhone Today? |UproxxNews|

Mash-Up: A Brief History of Conspicuous Product Placement |FilmDrunk ORIGINAL|

RIP DICK WINTERS.  Seriously though, this guy was a badass. |WarmingGlow|

Quebecois Schoolkids will make you feel old. And xenophobic. |GammaSquad|

Andre Agassi shows naked pictures of his wife to Asians. See? Celebrities are just like us. |WithLeather|

The Foxiest Ladies to Ever Tip a Test Tube. |Ugo|

If Elvis Never Died: The King’s Career from 1977 – Present. |TheSmokingJacket|

Pictured: More beloved – Paul Rudd or Bill Murray?  Discuss. |ComedyCent.|

For your conshiteration: surprising Oscar campaign posters. |NextMovie|

This “male chastity device” will keep you pure AND have you looking great in a Speedo. |BostonBarstoolSports|

Tina Fey awaits ‘Admissions’. |ScreenJunkies|

D.A.R.E. to keep bear cubs off mushrooms. |TheDailyWhat|

When Amusement Parks attack! |HolyTaco|

Pervy voyeurism from yesterday’s no pants subway ride.  I don’t get it. I tried that same thing when I was a sandwich artist and everyone seemed to hate it. |Clutch|

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I never would’ve guessed it after watching Shia LaBeouf chug a five-hour energy, down a Patron shot, drink a Heineken, and then wink at the camera, but according to a new revelation, Oliver Stone’s Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps got paid for product placement. I know it sounds like Star Wars, love, but it’s true.

Oliver Stone said Wednesday that his “Wall Street” sequel benefited “enormously” from product placement, which helped expand a tight budget without compromising the integrity of the film.

Of course not.  All critiques of greed should include copious advertisements.  “Sad about the bailout, Winnie?  Here, have an ice cold, triple-hops brewed Heineken.  That always cheers me up when I’m feeling down.”

“Fox is known as a tight studio,” he said. “We needed help, and we took it where we could without, I think, prostituting the movie.
“No big, big cash, no Gillette shaving cream,” he added. “There was no scene that we did out of the way specifically to accommodate.”

What could I do? I was like a monkey dancing on a razor blade. We didn’t sell our souls.  It’s not like Shia Labeouf had to cut off a fing–

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