THIS! IS! A PAYCHECK!

12.18.09 Written by Vince Mancini

By popular demand, here’s the trailer for The Bounty Hunter, starring Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston, from director Andy Tennant, previously of Fool’s Gold, Hitch, and Sweet Home Alabama.  The plot is very complicated, so try to keep up: Gerard Butler’s character… is a bounty hunter.  He has to track down… are you still with me?  …his ex-girlfriend.  And get this, his ex-girlfriend is played by… Jennifer Aniston.   You catch all that?  Phew, I feel like this needs a Cliff’s Notes or something with all those twists and turns.

Side note: Have you noticed a weird trend lately where every rom-com deals with a guy falling back in love with his ex?  This one, It’s Complicated, Fool’s Gold, Ghost of Girlfriends Past — I feel like there’s a Slate article or Sociology Thesis here.  I’d write a rom-com about rekindling my own past relationships, but I don’t think anyone wants to see a guy fall for a pile of rocks in the desert.
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SWEET MOTHER OF GOD.

11.04.09 Written by Vince Mancini

In this new clip from Old Dogs, Robin Williams and Seth Green go golfing with some Asian businessmen (what an original premise!), and things are going great until (*RECORD SCRATCH*) Seth Green gets hit in the nuts!  And then (*RECORD SCRATCH*) someone else gets hit in the nuts!

There are no words to describe how preposterously bad this clip is.  After I played it, my dog covered his eyes with his paws and my Dominican maid crossed herself.

[via Filmsnmovies]

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A MOVIE ABOUT GUYS WHO QUOTE STAR WARS

11.04.08 Written by Vince Mancini

Fanboys is the many times delayed, much-discussed film about a group of guys who break into George Lucas’ Skywalker Ranch to steal a print of Episode I for a dying friend. I won’t get into to the behind the scenes squabbles because they’re boring and mostly involve unattractive people, but suffice to say it opens February 6th 2009 after originally being set for August 2007.  The film also features Kristen Bell in a slave Leia outfit, which is apparently a selling point for some people. So far she seems to me like another Jessica Alba, someone who’s cute but not nearly hot enough to justify how uninteresting I find her.  She also appears to about three apples tall.

Having not seen this movie yet, I give it two “Mehs” and half a dismissive wanking motion.

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NEWER, CRAPPIER TRAILER FOR ‘THE ROCKER’

06.25.08 Written by Vince Mancini

There’s a new teaser trailer for The Rocker out, and, though it’s shorter and uses mainly the same footage as the full-length trailer, the teaser’s tighter editing is much better at communicating just how awful this is going to be. I think if you do the research, you’ll find that a guy getting hit in the nuts during the trailer pretty much guarantees the movie will be terrible (see also: The Love Guru – 1:53 mark). Other bad omens:

- Punctuating a joke with a reaction shot so you know they made a joke
- Guy getting hit with a drumstick
- Rainn Wilson getting hit with a tree branch
- Rainn Wilson falling off a chair
- The weirdest fake sneeze I’ve ever seen

My point is, go easy on the slapstick, guys. How the hell are Seltzer and Friedberg supposed to parody this now?

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