Nottingham, Ridley Scott’s "Gladiator of Robin Hood flicks", starring Russell Crowe as a sympathetic Sheriff of Nottingham and Sienna Miller as Maid Marian, has been delayed indefinitely.

The film was supposed to start shooting in mid-August. But producers put Nottingham on hold due to all sorts of logitical issues, ranging from the typically cruddy British weather to concerns with the script to fears over a potential actor’s strike.

"Universal could have moved forward with one of these challenges but the confluence of the three caused the studio to reconsider and take the time for all conditions to be optimal," is how the studio spins it in a statement Monday. [Eonline]

Meanwhile, Chud claims, in a bad soap opera twist, that Robin Hood will actually be played by SPOILER ALERT, Russell Crowe, the same guy playing the Sheriff, and that’s part of what’s causing the delays.  I don’t see how it’s a spoiler when presumably we’ll know this by the time the trailer comes out, but whatever.  Hey, anyone else really fucking annoyed by the omg multiple characters are actually different facets of the same person plot device yet?  Oh my God, five different actors play Bob Dylan!  That’s so, like, deep, man!  Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham are competing forces within the same person!  Just like in Revolver!  Wow, Hollywood, did you just read the Cliff’s Notes of a book about Freud?  That’s so brainy!  Please explain life to me, and be as pedantic as possible!

I liked it better in the Disney version when Robin Hood was a fox.  Because he’s fucking sly, get it?

Question marks in the headline can mean only one thing: it’s time to prognosticate! Does Xenu rule the heavens? Do drugs really make you thinner? Does this skin suit make my ass look fat?  No one knows for sure, and that means we’re free to speculate wildly! Yee haw!

Today’s rumor comes from the Daily Mail, a newspaper based in England that doesn’t seem to use English in the headlines.  No matter, they say Christian Bale is in talks to play Robin Hood in Nottingham, the new sympathetic-to-the-Sheriff (Russell Crowe) take on Robin Hood from Ridley Scott. 

Nothing is signed for Bale, but director Ridley Scott is exceedingly keen to cast him.

Keep in mind this Robin Hood isn’t going to be a fox, or a guy with a really American-sounding accent, he’s going to be a real bastard. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to see Robin Hood with his shirt off, banging the happily-married Maid Marian from behind while flexing in the mirror, as the Sheriff looks on, shedding a single tear.  Plus it’s Medieval England, so he could be eating a raw rabbit or squirrel with the other hand.  What, it’s gay to have fantasies about Christian Bale flexing during sex now?  Screw you guys, I’m normal.    

I’ve been a big fan of Sienna Miller ever since she called Pittsburgh "Shitsburgh".  Nothing against the city, I just think hybrid words are fantasgreat.  Anyway, she recently told the BBC that she has been cast as Maid Marian in Ridley Scott’s upcoming Nottingham, a twist on Robin Hood in which the Sheriff of Nottingham is a sympathetic figure.  Brian Helgeland, who won an oscar for co-writing L.A. Confidential, is writing the script.  Russell Crowe is set to play the sheriff.

Speaking to the BBC’s Colin Paterson, Miller said: "It’s happening. I just found out. It’s the most exciting news in the world." [BBC]

I don’t know about that.  Call me old-fashioned, but I thought picures of Sienna Miller’s vagina on the internet was pretty exciting news.  And while we’re on that, what the hell’s this guy’s problem? I don’t know what you’re trying to prove by averting your eyes from the full frontal going on right in front of you, pal, but it’s not working.  I wouldn’t even have taken my binoculars off. 

In other hard-hitting BBC News, Chinese South Africans are now black.     

Gladiator/American Gangster director Ridley Scott has found a project to work on once he finishes his Gladiator of Robin Hoods flick.

His latest is called Stones, and thankfully, it involves Stonehenge, which I’ve always considered the American Gangster of ancient mysteries (suck it, Atlantis).

A supernatural thriller written by Matt Cirulnick, the story revolves around the ancient, religious archaeological sites around the world getting destroyed by some mysterious agency. All of these places have some kind of forgotten purpose and Stonehenge, the ring of standing stones supposedly assembled and raised by the Druids thousands of years ago, is the key to understanding the mystery. [U.G.O.]

I’m happy to see this because I’ve always wondered just how the druids managed to pile all those big ass heavy rocks onto each other without the benefit of cranes or robots and whatnot.  But I was hoping Bruckheimer would produce it and we’d find out it was really rappin’ animals and pirate ghosts, and maybe a straight talking black in a sports car.  Come to think of it, he probably explains it in the “book of secrets”. But if it’s between not knowing the answers to the world’s mysteries and having to sit through a Nic Cage movie… well, I think you know where I stand.

Of course, Scott still has to shoot Body of Lies with DiCaprio and Crowe, then Nottingham, then this.  Meaning this will be releasing in approximately 2057.  

Speaking with MTV, Producer Brian Grazer calls the upcoming Ridley Scott/Russell Crowe flick Nottingham "the Gladiator version of Robin Hood." It tells the story of Robin Hood from the Sheriff’s point of view.

“Richard the Lionheart is on his return from the Crusades {when he takes} an arrow in his neck and die{s},” Scott said of the flick’s set-up. “His brother, John, [becomes king.]”
John, known in his own life as John Lackland (because as the youngest son he didn’t get any inheritance) “was actually pretty smart,” Scott insisted. “[But] he got a bad rap because he introduced taxation. So he’s the bad guy in this.”
Meanwhile, “You’ve got the returning Nottingham who is the right hand man of Richard and witnesses Richard taking the arrow,” Scott revealed. “And so he comes back to England to carry forward Richard’s dream about England.”
The Sheriff, then, strives to do right while caught in the middle of two wrongs – on one side a corrupt and unpopular King who orders him to arrest outlaws, on the other the outlaw himself who threatens to rouse the public in popular anarchy. [from MTV - sorry about the brackets, they don't seem to understand verb tense over there]

Chatting over breakfast, the spiky-haired producer also called Dep "The Cinderella Man of styling gel", and marmalade "The Master and Commander of fruit spreads".