(“I’M SO JEALOUS OF THAT GIANT PUMPKIN.”)

This story was barely movie-related to begin with, but I’m sort of bound to correct my facts.  Yesterday we all reported that Miley Cyrus’ 9-year-old sister Noah was helping launch a lingerie line (my post sourced an Australian MSN article).  Now the woman who runs the line says that’s not true, that the “lingerie” is really just ballet clothes.

Annie Dugourd says she’s a “stay at home mom who makes tutu dresses”. She and another mom started Ooh, La La! Couture, the apparel firm named in several reports as the designers behind an upcoming line of lingerie from Miley Cyrus’s nine-year-old sister Noah and her best friend, eight-year-old actress Emily Grace Reaves.

“The story is completely false…it’s a total lie…we don’t make lingerie. It’s been devastating for our little company,” says Dugourd, who has a daughter. “We would never do anything inapppropriate.” She says that Noah and Emily Grace have no plans to make lingerie using another firm. [CNBC]

So there, you jerks.  How dare you sully the good name of this woman who was only trying to use heavily-made-up nine-year-olds carrying clutch purses and little dogs like Paris Hilton and wearing tiny skirts and posing around stripper poles to sell her clothes.  You perverts should really be ashamed.  Looks like you guys have got a lot of growing up to do.

(“YOU GIRLS EVER BEEN TO SWITZERLAND? IT’S NICE, ALL THE HOT CHOCOLATE YOU CAN DRINK.”)

Well this is a heartwarming story.  Turns out Miley Cyrus’ little sister, Noah, star of the English language redub of Ponyo (movie related!), is launching her own line of lingerie, despite being 9 years old. 9-year-olds, Dude. (obligatory)

She’ll be teaming up with her pint-sized best friend Emily Grace to launch a children’s lingerie collection for ‘Ohh! La, La! Couture’.
The company’s website describes The Emily Grace Collection as having a “trendy, sweet, yet edgy feel, reminiscent of Emily’s true personality. She is collaborating with Ooh! La, La! Couture designers to create versatile styles that can be worn with sweet ballerina slippers, funky sneakers or paired with lace stockings and boots for more of a rock and roll look. Emily’s collection will appeal not just to little girls – the line also has an exclusive Teen Collection available to a size 14.” [via NineMSN]

Wait, lingerie that’s not just for pre-pubescent girls?  Finally!  Hey, how big is a size 14?  Quick, someone measure my bust and crotch, I think my balls are a B-cup.  Yes, this is gonna be the best Valentine’s Day ever, isn’t that right, Japanese sex pillow.

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If you’re ever really stoned or on mushrooms and need a mind blower, Hayao Miyazaki’s Spirited Away or Princess Mononoke will do the trick.  His latest is called Ponyo (Japanese title: Gake no ue no Ponyo), and this is the trailer for the English version.

The film was inspired by Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale “The Littler Mermaid” and centers on a 5-year-old boy (Frankie Jonas) and his relationship with a goldfish princess named Ponyo (Noah Cyrus) who longs to become human.  Making up the English language voice cast are Noah Cyrus, Cate Blanchett, Matt Damon, Tina Fey, Cloris Leachman, Liam Neeson, Lily Tomlin, Betty White and Frankie Jonas. [RopeofSilicon]

Sources say the Japanese version will be out on DVD with English subtitles in July, a month before the English-language version.  I urge everyone to watch the Japanese version, because the last thing we need is to reward Disney for pimping out the younger, unfamous siblings of both Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers.  Use the child actors you have, don’t create more.  It’s dangerous. Every current child actor is a potential future wife beater, murderer, or Scientologist. Or worse (*shudder*), Danny Masterson.

[Available in HD at Apple]