(An artist's rendition)

When I was a kid, I expected 2011 to have flying cars, robot servants, and blow jobs as far as the eye could see. Instead we’ve got something called a debt ceiling, I get hangovers when I black out from drinking, and actresses are getting CGI nipples put on themselves to avoid nude scenes. THIS FUTURE SUCKS! I’M GOING TO FIND STEVEN HAWKING AND SHOVE HIM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS!

Olivia Wilde, beautiful actress, has a nude scene in the upcoming movie The Change-Up. Which is funny because she wasn’t actually naked in the scene—she wore pasties to cover up her bitties [THAT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL! -Ed]. Turns out, they CGI’d her nipples in post-production.
The former OC grad preserved her modesty in a scene with Ryan Reynolds using pasties but after filming wrapped, producers noticed that Wilde’s pasties were clearly visible and that “they had no choice but to use computer-generated imagery to make the sex scene seem as real as possible.” Wilde says:
“I wasn’t actually naked but now appear to be naked because… in that scene Ryan Reynolds is supposed to be covering them (with his body) and he moved and so the pasties were in the movie and so they had to paint in nipples using CGI. And I got to approve the nipples! They sent me an email saying, ‘Please review nipple cover shot one through seven and decide which one is most like the original.’ I don’t know what he (producer) was using as source material… but I think it’s pretty close.” [JimmyKimmel via Gizmodo]

Well at least it was used to correct a mistake and not as part of some diabolical nip-cap trend. WE DEMAND 100% ORGANIC LADYNIPS! It’s also important to note that Olivia Wilde has appeared nude onscreen before (in Alpha Dog – NSFW link), so it’s not like she’s some kind of a prude. Which is good, because as I try to tell kids all the time, a prude is the worst thing a person can be, even worse than a hypocrite or a litterbug. Come on, baby, lighten up.

This is a third nipple that was discovered on the foot of a 22-year-old woman, along with “hair follicles, eccrine glands, and sebaceous glands,” as well as fat tissue. 22 with a nipple on her foot — if she was also Asian, I think we’ve found Quentin Tarantino’s ideal woman. Reached for comment, he had this to say. |via Gizmodo|

MORNING LINKS

Check out our latest Frotcast, as Laremy & I discuss Cowboys & Aliens, and Burnsy introduces us to the most terrible songs in the world. |Frotcast|

The best of “Haters Gonna Hate.” |Uproxx|

‘Ghostfellas’ reality show would pit guidos vs. ghosts. Good God that sounds horrible. |WarmingGlow|

Hulk Hogan is planning a show around fake wrestling with midgets. |WithLeather|

Boobs don’t work that way: a tumblr about baffling boobs. |GammaSquad|

Football is back and so are Rex Ryan posts. Today I’m proud to be an American. |KSK|

What happens if we don’t raise the debt ceiling — the government actually defaulted once before, in 1979. |MentalFloss|

You’ll never believe this, but Jennifer Love Hewitt has a big ol’ butt. I’d still hit it. |TheSuperficial|

Mindi Smith will take her top off and spread her ass cheeks for your amusement. |Gorillamask|

Kurt Loder explains the internet to 1995. |TheDailyWhat|

Someone’s organizing a zombie-themed 5K run. I’m all for this, as long as you dorks run away from me. |Videogum|

Here’s proof that meter maids are assh*les and if we had any balls we’d run them out of town on a rail. |HolyTaco|

Martin Starr joins Community. Martin Starr rules. |ScreenJunkies|

Nominate for this week’s Comments of the Week. Subscribe to the Frotcast. Follow My Twitter.

Er, I mean boobs.  I mean actress.  Anyway, here’s Heather Graham at the Hangover premiere in England proving that the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his giant boner.  Because the color of her dress really brings out her eyes (she has eyes, right?).

I’d be pissed if I was the director.  There’s no way anyone within a 15-seat radius of Heather Graham paid any attention to the movie.  That’s like being the groomsman at a wedding and just hanging your balls out of your zipper during the ceremony.  Except sexier.  If that’s possible.

[via BWE]