The other day brought a short teaser, but now (courtesy of IGN) we have the full trailer for Nimrod Antal’s Predators movie. As for the plot, we learn through expository dialogue that the characters are on a Predator-infested island to become some Dirty Dozen-style team of outlaws.

WHITE DUDE: I was supposed to be executed two days ago.
BRITISH GUY: And I was in combat.
AFRICAN DUDE: So was I.
LATIN CHICK WITH BRITISH ACCENT: Black Ops.
JAPANESE GUY: Yakuza.

Danny Trejo and Laurence Fishburne are there too, but don’t say why.  They must’ve cut that part out.  But I bet it went something like this:

FISHBURNE: I was… in The Matrix.
TREJO:  I was lowrideen, ése. I swear, even ask my cóusin.  Ju can’ prove notheen, puto. *chugs mezcal straight from the bottle, fires pistols up in the air*  Now eet’s a party, vatos!  Ayayayayayayay!

Because that’s how Mexicans are.

Robert Rodriguez showed off a two-minute sneak preview of Predators at SXSW recently, and now it’s online.  Rodriguez produced, but the directing work was actually done by Nimrod Antal.  We get to see a couple new things from the new version, namely a new Predator guy with an arm-knife dealie, a triceratops thing, and a disturbing lack of mega-jacked army dudes.  Who are these slack-jawed f*ggots?  Pff, next you’ll try tell me that having 24-inch biceps doesn’t help you shoot guns better.  Whatever, dude.  Also, is it just me, or has Laurence Fishburne has been on the Luke Wilson fat face diet?

“Take the blue pill, Morpheus, it will suppress your appetite.”

Opens July 9th. [via /Film]

Over the weekend, the internet was all abuzz over with rumors that Robert Pattinson would play Spider-man in the upcoming Spider-man reboot.  Only problem with the rumor was that it came from a British tabloid, which also mentioned Zac Efron in contention for the role, and was probably based on this April Fool’s Day article.  So rest easy, Robert Pattinson is not Spider-man.  But ten bucks says they’ve at least considered Taylor Lautner.  Meanwhile, QuietEarth says Armored/Kontroll director Nimrod Antal may be in line to direct:

The whole story goes like this: Sam Raimi met Nimrod on the Sony lot before his first US film, Vacancy. They clicked, so Sam hired him to direct Armored. Now, Predators is getting some great word-of-mouth around tinsel-town. Warners loves it and now Sam Raimi and Sony want the director back at the studio to helm Spider-man.

That’s good, Nimrod Antal would be a great choice.  Well, maybe not great, but at least better than his brother, Dipshit Antal.  Haha, get it?  I did no research.

In Armored, director Nimrod Antal takes us into the fast stakes, high paced world of the armored car guard, which apparently operates like a fraternity for grown-ups, much like the fire department or the cast of Stomp.  But hold on to your girdle, grandma, because before you know it, there’s a heist plot.  In a movie about armored cars?  No effing way!  Of course, things don’t quite go according to plan, because if they did it’d be an instructional video not a movie.  Instead, the sh’t hits the fan Very Bad Things-style, and that sucks because no one likes a sh’t-covered fan, least of all MATT DILLON.  Trust me on this one, bros.

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As if we hadn’t already beaten the dead Predator horse and taken a dump inside its skull and used its spine as dildo for homeless people*, Robert Rodriguez is producing ‘Predators’. The latest word is that they’ve hired Nimrod Antal, director of the Hungarian subway movie Kontroll (which was kind of neat), to direct.  Rodriguez said of the plot:

I can’t go too much into the story right now, because we’re still writing. But it still involves a very intense group of people stranded on a Predator planet discovering unspeakable horrors (that are not always from outside their group). So like the original movie, the title does have a double meaning. [via a million-word article on AICN]

Kontroll was interesting, but the list of foreign directors who made cool flicks elsewhere only to come to Hollywood and take paychecks to do garbage is long and consonant filled.  In fact, the last guy attached to this project was Neil Marshall, who followed the badass Descent with post-apocalyptic car porn Doomsday.  Anyway, I think this will be great if by “intense people” they mean Christian Bale and the silent Indian guy from the first Predator and they just growl at each other like dogs for two hours.

*though to be fair, I have heard people say AVP: R is actually pretty kickass.