BROS! This is bigger news than the time Taint and Biscuit almost threw down over Fingerbang Katie at the Phi Delt slave auction! Call up Dozer, Chopsticks, Manson, Steve, Black Steve, and Assf*ck Rich and get them off Dawn Patrol, STAT! Have Mooseknuckle drive his mom’s Benz if you have to, this is important! Start making flyers now, if we don’t blow this up huge, Nationals is going to be PISSED! Spinach didn’t get hazed to death last fall for you to act like bitches!

Entourage creator Doug Ellin is on page 110 of his screenplay and “gonna finish by Sunday (I pray)”, he emails me. Ellin notes that no one wants to see the movie greenlighted by HBO more than the series’ WME packaging agent Ari Emanuel (the prototype for Gold) and executive producers Mark Wahlberg and Steven Levinson. Ellin says that Wahlberg keeps promising “to kill me if I don’t write faster. Every time I see him, Mark says, ‘I’ve made 5 movies this year. Get going!”

He says his script starts about 6 months after the TV series leaves off. “There are interesting developments about Ari as a studio head, and that’s still the first page for me. But foremost is the friendship between the guys who are still hanging out and going to fun parties [OH THANK GOD, I WAS SO WORRIED -Ed.], and it continues with the same characters.” Ellin has kept in touch with all the key castmembers:  Jeremy Piven (“Ari”), Adrian Grenier (“Vince”), Kevin Dillon (“Drama”), and especially Kevin Connolly (“E”) and Jerry Ferrara (Turtle”) who are two of Ellin’s closest friends [possible explanation for how those two charisma vacuums got their jobs in the first place?]. Those Entourage actors have been getting other gigs while HBO has been paying Ellin for the script. [Gigs such as "token white guy in Steve Harvey movie," and "least famous person in ensemble rom-com."]

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In a surprise to virtually no one, Premium Rush bombed like my toilet after bad Indian food this weekend. Just how bad was it? The $6.3 million it made over the weekend was less than $100,000 more than the anti-Obama documentary 2016: Obama’s America, and you know that was a barrel of laughs. I’d as soon pay to see that as hang out with someone who did. Turns out, no one really likes bike messengers. You know what they say, those who forget the first season of The Real World are destined to repeat it. But if there was one person happy about this misfortune, it was America’s sweetheart, Nikki Finke. Which is strange, because she seems like such a pleasant lady.

Among this weekend’s crop of newly released films, Sony Pictures’ Premium Rush opened poorly with very soft grosses of $6.5M. Producer Gavin Polone just saw his Pariah Television freshman ABC Family series Jane By Design canceled and now this Pariah production tanks as well. (Guess it sucks to be Polone these days. Maybe he should make his day job writing that lame blog.) [Deadline]

(*pulls out novelty pistol*)(*pulls trigger*)(*white flag pops out*) (*black text on flag reads “ZING!”*)

Finke speaks, of course, of her old nemesis Gavin Polone, whose production company produced Premium Rush, and who also proposed a Nikki Finke blackout in his column in NY Mag’s Vulture a few weeks back:

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Since its release in 2001, the Lance Armstrong autobiography “It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life” was destined to be a feature film. Sony Pictures gobbled up the rights to it and even registered a domain years ago, and it was really just a matter of when. The history of the development is hazy, as Sony kept the whole process pretty quiet. From the onset, Matt Damon was expected to play Armstrong, but Jake Gyllenhaal became best bros with the cyclist and he really wanted the role. Eventually, Gyllenhaal got what he wanted and he was going to play Armstrong.

By 2009, Seabiscuit writer Gary Ross was attached to pen the screenplay and while it’s still uncertain if Armstrong would be played by Damon or Gyllenhaal, it seemed like this puppy was set to dig up a billion dollars at the box office, with Americans forever beaming over the major accomplishments of Armstrong’s career. But someone at Sony had to know that the window was only being held open by a piece of grass, because a decade of doping accusations could eventually come crashing down.

Boom. Last night.

So now people are asking the most important question of all – who cares what will come of the Armstrong biopic? Thankfully, Hollywood has someone who knows everything about EVERYTHING to shout, “TOLDJA SO!” Tell us how it all went down, Nikki Finke.

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Also available for Nancy Grace posts at Warming Glow.

Last week, David Poland of The Hot Blog Tweeted that cantankerous, self-imposed ruler of all things Hollywood Nikki Finke had been sending him threats via email because he retweeted an account that parodied her. Poland, joining a recent trend, basically said that he didn’t give a crap and that Finke could go romance herself, to put it nicely. Well, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that the parody account has finally been shut down, probably because it didn’t clearly define itself as parody, thus violating Twitter’s impersonation policies.

As an added bonus, the real Finke’s Twitter account was also briefly suspended, which must have caused the reclusive industry insider to gut quite a few hobos in anger. At the same time, according to Vulture, the anonymous person behind @NIKKIFINKE was also upset.

Over at @Not_NikkiFinke, someone claiming to be the original parody account holder writes, “Twitter suspended the account without notifying me. And I never heard once from Finke or anyone at PMC.” Apocalypse Nikki, indeed.

That’s because Twitter doesn’t have to notify a person if his account violates impersonation policies. Twitter is completely fine with parody accounts – judging by the 8 million “Not” and “Faux” accounts that aren’t actually parodies – but the accounts need to be easily identifiable as parody so that morons don’t confuse it with the real person. A certain Baby Goose taught me that.

The parody account in question had a bio that merely read “Mostly I want to see how long it takes until Nikki Finke threatens me with a lawsuit” and that doesn’t qualify as parody. But don’t let that stop you from getting back on that horse, anonymous button-pusher, because none of us will be happy until Finke is completely humbled and reduced to this…

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Nikki Finke File Photo

There’s a funny little story I like to tell at my Hollywood swingers parties on board the Sony Pictures invisible yacht. It’s about the time that I had a fake Ryan Gosling Twitter account and the real Ryan Gosling didn’t like that I had “burgled” his name and he had it shut down, crushing the hearts of 50,000 people with good senses of humor and 1 batshit crazy Italian girl who Tweeted “TOLDJA!” at people every day that she’d get me caught for impersonating Baby Goose. Haha, hey girl, you win at Twitter and life.

And speaking of fake Twitter accounts and “TOLDJA!” baloney, Deadline’s Nikki Finke is apparently freaking out – shocking, I know – over a parody account that mocks her “Don’t f*ck with me” attitude. The account, @NIKKIFINKE, has a bio that pretty much sums up how most people feel about Finke: “Mostly I want to see how it long it takes until Nikki Finke threatens me with a lawsuit.”

And according to David Poland of The Hot Blog – which disappointingly features no GIFs of Olivia Wilde jiggling her boobs – Finke is threatening him, not because he has anything to do with that parody account, but because he retweeted it. So go ahead and add this to her current feuds with Bret Easton Ellis, Gavin Polone, and probably you, for all you know.

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