A friend recently sent over this film clip from Nigeria.  I clicked on it, expecting another charming, low-budget romp in the vein of Chicken Madness.  What I got was legitimately terrifying (save for the charming low-budgetness).  Apparently, in West Africa there’s a crazy lady named Helen Ukpabio who’s very influential, and makes films to convince people of the existence of child witches.  So basically, an African, not-gay version of Kirk Cameron.  Also, there’s this:

Ukpabio has published her views in several books. An example is ‘Unveiling The Mysteries of Witchcraft’, in which she states that, “If a child under the age of two screams in the night, cries and is always feverish with deteriorating health he or she is a servant of Satan.”

A fact not mentioned in the book is that these symptoms are common in young children, especially in areas like Nigeria with poor health and high levels of malaria.

Mala-who?  I dunno, dude, I saw the movie, I’m pretty sure it was witches.
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Today’s Forgotten Classic comes from 2006 and if you wanna get technical, it’s not so much “forgotten” as it is “Nigerian.”  It’s called Chicken Madness, and it bills itself as “the mother of all comedies.”  At first I thought it was all in heavily-accented English spoken really fast, a lá a New York cabdriver, but then I realized it’s mostly another language with just enough English words thrown in to pique my curiosity.  And whenever things are in danger of getting boring, an announcer comes on and says “Chicken Madness – CHICKEN MADNESS!”  to let you know that this movie intends to have rough sex with your funny bone.  Later he reads the names of the cast and when he gets to the girls’ names, I’m pretty sure he says “MMMMM” and makes a kiss sound, like the Puerto Ricans on my corner when a girl walks by.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think we’ve finally found a replacement for Don LaFontaine.

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