Nicolas Cage is currently in America’s toupee Canada for the Toronto Film Festival, promoting his new film Trespass, which also stars Nicole Kidman and is directed by Joel Schumacher. The film is about a wealthy family that is kidnapped and held for ransom in their own mansion, but Cage told reporters that the idea of home invasion hits a little too close to, well, home for him.

It turns out that he, too, has been a victim.

*plays Danny Elfman soundtrack, throws Magna Carta into a fire, starts dream sequence*

“It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed,” he told reporters on Wednesday.

“I know it sounds funny … but it was horrifying.”

(Via)

It’s not funny that his home was broken into by a man with poor mental health, as much as it’s funny that this story was better than the plot of any movie Cage has starred in over the last decade. Take Trespass, for instance.

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On March 15th, Severin Films is releasing on DVD and Blu-Ray the 1983 cult classic BMX Bandits, which was basically the Surf Ninjas of its time. It was a film about stolen walk-talkies, radical bike tricks, and 80s synth-pop singalongs. But best of all, it starred a 16-year-old future Oscar winner in Nicole Kidman.  (For an added bit of trivia, it was directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith, director of Turkey Shoot, one of the most awesomely-terrible exploitation films you will ever see).

Here we see a 16-year-old Kidman, rocking a poodle perm and painted one-piece, looking like the flyest Fly Girl at Jazzercise (don’t laugh, that’s how you were conceived), discussing her role in the film.  She then introduces a clip which seems to pre-date the “BMX Joust” segment on Jackass by almost 20 years.  And if that weren’t radical enough, after that there’s a sing-along segment.  To be honest, I’m not sure whether it’s part of the film clip or just part of the show she’s on.  All I know is that the “singing kids wearing helmets” reaction shots are SIMPLY. AMAZING.  My God, they’re so wholesome, and so retarded-looking.  They’re like the special-ed tabernacle choir.

I wonder where they are now.  Probably dead.  Dingos got em.

Yesterday must’ve been crappy movie trailer day, because after I posted Yogi Bear and Big Momma’s House 3, Adam Sandler’s latest film, Just Go With It hit.  So how do you make a crappy Adam Sandler comedy better?  Bring on the guy who wrote I’m Like Sooo Undercover and that one about the evil Jason Bateman doll to turn it into a more “commercial” rom-com.  Chick movies!  Adam Sandler movies!  Together!  This could make a billion dollars!

Anyway, the plot is, Sandler uses fake families to get laid, but when he finally meets a girl he likes, he needs his best friend Jennifer Aniston to pretend to be his wife so that they can get a fake divorce.  Jennifer Aniston with a male best friend?  Gosh, I wonder how this will turn out. I enjoy that they put Sting’s “Doo doo doo, da da da, is all I want to say to you,” on the trailer soundtrack.  I think this script took less time to write than those lyrics.

(On the plus side, I made you this Brooklyn Decker gif. She’s bouncy. Click to animate.)

Here’s Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart a-cryin and a-grievin in the new trailer for Rabbit Hole.  I’d be the last person to recommend a film about people grieving (except Hesher, which was awesome), but just when you think you’ve had an ass full of Nicole Kidman’s whining, The Shins Broken Bells⁺ fade in for a montage and whoa, is that an art-film boner? …Maybe.

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Here’s Ebert testing out his computer voice in an Oprah segment. If they did this for Oprah, they’d need two programs.  One regular one, and one for when she talks black. |Videogum|

Best Worst Movie, a documentary about the cult popularity of Troll 2, is getting a theatrical release courtesy of the distributor behind Anvil.  I’d like to see Snooki maintain this kind of popularity after 20 years. |FilmSchoolRejects|

OH MY GOD IT’S A NEW PICTURE FROM TRON, HOLD MY MAN PURSE WHILE MY BUTTHOLE PROLAPSES! |SlashFilm|

Nicole Kidman is attached to The Wedding Doctor.  “Kidman would play a relationship analyst who advises couples on their interpersonal dynamics before they marry. But after she meets her latest clients, the doc decides she’d actually be a better match for the groom-to-be, triggering a showdown with his fiancée.”  Sounds like she’ll be channeling Nia Vardalos in her last movie.  Hey, she’s got the neck veins for it. |Vulture|

Hyundai can’t run the commercials for which they’d bought spots during the Oscars, because Jeff Bridges does the voiceover and he’s also a nominee, which is against Academy rules.  The Chinamen are not the issue here, dude.  Also, Dude, Chinamen is not the preferred nomenclature.  Hyundai is Korean. |AdAge|

Zach Galifianakis Interview Excerpt — Lupe Fiasco recently used your name in a rap lyric about his own greatness. How do you feel about that? I heard that. I haven’t heard the song. I will be happy when Dolly Parton uses me in a song, then I’ve made it. There are a lot of rap guys out there.  He said he was the “black rap Zach Galifianakis.” He should have said his name was Black Galifianakis. That would have been a better song. —- I would gay marry you so hard, Chad Farthouse. |NYMag|

Russell Brand is set to star in a remake of Dudley Moore’s Arthur.  I didn’t see that, but given it starred Dudley Moore and Russell Brand, I’m guessing it didn’t involve pulling a sword out of a rock. |THR|