In an apparent bid to make me self immolate, Nickelodeon has joined forces with Eddie Murphy. This one’s called Imagine That, and Eddie’s daughter has an imaginary friend who predicts the stock market.  Oh man, I wonder if he’ll learn that her love is more important than money!  I’m on the edge of my seat!

UPDATE: RoboPanda just sent me this delightful picture of Harrison Ford from the event. You know, I think there should only be two choices at the Kids Choice Awards, and both of them should be severe beating.

[Original post from yesterday] Nickelodeon, the root of all that is soulless and evil in the world, wrapped another Kids’ Choice Awards on Saturday.  It included performances by Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, some other people I’ve never heard of, and plenty of celebrities making total jackasses out of themselves.

Spirited host Jack Black, gamely clad in tights and cape at the outset, proclaimed his devotion to slime, then presided with abandon over a mix of stars and stunts. Most of the stunts were performed just outside the arena. They culminated with TV host Laila Ali cheering for supermodel Heidi Klum, who swung from a cable while sporting a spiked "slime butt belt" that she used to puncture slime balloons.

I guess a slime butt belt is better than a banana smoothie?

One example of how the show mixes glory and silly was the Wannabe award for a role model, given this year to Cameron Diaz in recognition of her environmental efforts. "This is the biggest honor I’ve ever received in my life," she said. That puts it above a previous Kids’ Choice award she got for belching.

For her part, Rosie O’Donnell took home the "Longest Skidmark" trophy and Lifetime Achievement in booger eating honors. 

Other award winners announced during the show: Jessica Alba (movie actress), Johnny Depp (movie actor), Chris Brown (male singer), Eddie Murphy (animated movie voice), "American Idol" (reality show), "Drake and Josh" (TV show) and "Alvin and the Chipmunks" (movie). [Source]

I blame mercury-tainted vaccines.

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IESB has seven clips from Sydney White, the Animal House meets Revenge of the Nerds Amanda Bynes vehicle.   Says IESB:

AMANDA BYNES has provided television and film audiences her knack for comic timing and spot-on pratfalls. When she was just 16, Entertainment Weekly noted that the young performer had a “knack for slapstick reminiscent of Lucille Ball.”

Says me: I only watched three of those clips, and I feel like bathing in the blood of a dead hooker to wash away the wholesomeness. 

Amanda Bynes comes from the same Nickelodeon "comedy" show that spawned Kenan Thompson. I liked it better when they had shit like that to keep these people a safe distance away from the mainstream.  They creep me out.  I feel like I'm watching kids perform bits their grandparents wrote for the local middle school talent show.  The vacant-eyed preteens, desperately seeking approval, dutifully perform their pieces, while the older folks laugh reassuringly in all the pre-determined places, and I just sit there, feeling like I'm taking crazy pills.