We’re supposed to get a real trailer for this later today, but as of now we just have this poster and a short teaser trailer for Rango, from Paramount Pictures.

Below is a look at Rango, a chameleon with an identity crisis. He’s a household chameleon who goes on an adventure to discover his true self. Along with Depp the voice cast includes Abigail Breslin, Isla Fisher, Ned Beatty, Harry Dean Stanton, Alfred Molina, Ray Winstone, Stephen Root, Bill Nighy and Timothy Olyphant as The Spirit of the West. [RopeofSilicon]

I didn’t post the teaser (watch it below) when it came out, because it’s seriously just 54 seconds of a wind-up fish slowly crossing a desert street.  I’m glad the animals aren’t doing a dance number to the Black-Eyed Peas, but still, a little dry.  But something about the poster cracks me up.  Between the wild eyes, the crooked smile, and the unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, he kind of looks like Nick Nolte. They should shoot a new version of 48 Hours where Nick Nolte’s partner is a lizard.  Documentary style.

God dangit, lizard, that’s my sunnin’ rock. Now git.

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I recently picked up a copy of the Onion as it’s one of my favorite periodicals to read whilst pooping, and found an interview with one of my favorite humans, Nick Nolte.  In it, he discusses the No Exit documentary, and most of his stories are too long to excerpt, so I’ll just put a couple quick quotes after the jump and recommend you read the whole interview.  What’s that?  Oh right, the dumpster thing.  So Nick was apparently hanging out in Venice Beach and misplaced his bag.  In order to find it, he did the most logical thing and walked through the alley looking in trash cans and dumpsters.  A d-bag photographer was there to capture the action. [unembeddable video here]

“I musta just taken my eye off it.  But the thing of it is, you know, if they could hand it back, that’d be really groovy.. (unintelligible)… but somebody’s probably swallowed a bunch a Xanax already, and got themselves a beer or two.”

Nolte later explained the dumpster diving exclusively to my imagination: “See, back when I was younger and we wanted to ennertain areselves, we’d sneak out to the woods ‘n go bear tippin’.  ‘n then when we got tired a that, we might steal an old lady’s purse.  ‘n then, mosta the time, I’d jus’ run off ‘n eat all ‘er pills ‘n pass out in a dumpster.  Ahh, to be 37 again.”

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Though many of us have gotten pretty loaded in the past, maybe even so loaded we peed the bed and then blamed it on our girlfriends, chances are we never got sh*tcanned and ended up in bank with a loaded gun like Rip Torn.  Who’s 78.  The only way this story could be more awesome is if he’d tried to get away on a velociraptor.

The veteran actor Rip Torn, 78, was arrested in Connecticut on Saturday after police found him “highly intoxicated” and with a loaded revolver inside the Litchfield Bank in Salisbury, where the actor lives, Reuters reported. Mr. Torn, who has had a few run-ins with the police over drunken driving in recent years that resulted in fines, a license suspension or probation, was held on $100,000 bond.  [NY Times]

I think Rip Torn, Nick Nolte, Gary Busey, and Lou Dobbs should have a show that’s exactly like The View, except all they do is get wasted and complain about different ethnic groups.  The Bleary View, they could call it.  And maybe every now and then, they could throw a few wild animals and/or weapons in the studio with them.  I would literally kill to see that.

As some of you may know, I’ve been running a Twitter account called Nick Nolte’s Mugshot for about year now.  It’s not really related to Nick Nolte himself, it’s more what it’d be like if his mugshot itself became a separate, sentient entity.  Who went on Twitter.  Anyway, enough about me and my gay hobbies, it seems the actual Nick Nolte was the subject of a 2008 documentary called Nick Nolte: No Exit, which has begun playing on On Demand.  Perhaps not surprisingly, the real guy is just as awesome as any fake fact I could make up about him (like how his Lifetime Russian Roulette record is 76 and 2).   This was my favorite line (and possibly my favorite line in any movie ever):

“I’d put a little cocaine on the script.  And every once in a while, lean down and ‘read a line.’ “

I just cried tears of joy.  And I finally understand why Quentin Tarantino likes to write so much.

[via ThePlaylist]

Nick Nolte’s son Brawley was arrested in Santa Monica yesterday for DUI and possession of a controlled substance, proving that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree when it’s drunk off its ass.

Law enforcement sources tell us Brawley King Nolte — who starred as the kidnapped kid in “Ransom” back in the day — struck another vehicle while making a lane change yesterday afternoon. When cops arrived, we’re told the 23-year-old showed signs of impairment, so cops conducted field sobriety tests and eventually arrested him. Nolte’s bail was set at $5,000. [via Popeater]

That sucks.  Sometimes you have to trade paint a little when you change lanes, just to let people know you mean business.  Reached for comment, Nick Nolte said, “I named ‘im Brawley after the time I got in a bar brawl with a one-armed prostitute down in Mexicali.  Man could she take a punch — toughest whore I ever saw.  Then when I caught eyes on my own pus ‘n guts fer the first time in the delivery room, it give me the same feeling as gettin’ stuck by that whore.  Like a screwdriver in the kidney to remind you yer alive.  Anyway, I was doin a lot of opium back then, mixing it with horse tranquilizers and washin em down with wood alcohol.  Ox flippin, we used to call it…”