Nick Nolte’s son Brawley was arrested in Santa Monica yesterday for DUI and possession of a controlled substance, proving that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree when it’s drunk off its ass.
Law enforcement sources tell us Brawley King Nolte — who starred as the kidnapped kid in “Ransom” back in the day — struck another vehicle while making a lane change yesterday afternoon. When cops arrived, we’re told the 23-year-old showed signs of impairment, so cops conducted field sobriety tests and eventually arrested him. Nolte’s bail was set at $5,000. [via Popeater]
That sucks. Sometimes you have to trade paint a little when you change lanes, just to let people know you mean business. Reached for comment, Nick Nolte said, “I named ‘im Brawley after the time I got in a bar brawl with a one-armed prostitute down in Mexicali. Man could she take a punch — toughest whore I ever saw. Then when I caught eyes on my own pus ‘n guts fer the first time in the delivery room, it give me the same feeling as gettin’ stuck by that whore. Like a screwdriver in the kidney to remind you yer alive. Anyway, I was doin a lot of opium back then, mixing it with horse tranquilizers and washin em down with wood alcohol. Ox flippin, we used to call it…”
Nick Nolte has joined the cast of Warrior, Gavin O’Connor’s MMA movie. Nolte will play the ex-boxer, recovering alcoholic father of MMA fighters Tom Hardy (Bronson) and Joel Edgerton, who are destined to meet in the ring. Here is O’Connor’s insanely thorough synopsis (feel free to skip it, I’ve already told you all you really need to know):
“The movie is about two estranged brothers that haven’t seen each other in 14 years, and they come back together and they are both mixed martial arts fighters. One of them, when we meet him, is a schoolteacher who is married. He has three little girls. His wife had a heart transplant so he is massively in debt. He starts fighting in what is called “Smokers.” They [happen] all over the country. There are guys [fighting] in parking lots in cages, and you can walk away with a couple of thousand dollars. The other brother we discover is AWOL from the Marines, and he has been arrested in Mexico and thrown in prison. Being a gringo in a Mexican prison wasn’t very easy, so he had to defend himself. The guy is an animal and was kicking everyone’s ass, and he became known as the king of this prison. Some guy got him out, and he traveled all around Mexico fighting these underground fights. And he ends up leaving there and going to see his father. Fourteen years before, he and his mother had left while the other brother and the father stayed. The father was an alcoholic and an emotionally abusive man, a Vietnam vet, ex-Golden Gloves fighter who taught his kids how to fight at a very young age. And the kid, Tommy, goes back to see his dad. Tommy is drinking now and [is a] pill popper. He comes home, and his father is a thousand days sober and is living a very different life. The story is about healing and forgiveness [and f-cking people up in the ring! -Ed.]. There is a tournament called “Sparta” for the heavy weight championship of the world of mixed martial arts. It is a $5 million purse, and it is a 16-man grand prix tournament. And these two brothers are on a collision course to fight each other for the heavy weight championship of the world. And everything about their relationship, their past and their future is dealt with by communicating through violence.” [Premiere Magazine via CagePotato]
According to my exclusive sources, Nolte recently watched his first MMA fight in order to prepare for the role. “Wait, ya mean they can’t use tire irons?” he reportedly asked friends. “That’s how my sister fights.”
Capital One allows people to customize their credit cards with pictures, so naturally 35-year-old Oklahoma salesman David Mackie thought of Nick Nolte’s mug shot. It was only after Mackie received the card that the bank realized its “mistake.”
…a bank representative called him Monday and asked for the return of the Nolte credit card, noting that the use of a celebrity’s image violated the bank’s “image upload guidelines.” In a follow-up letter, Capital One offered Mackie a “$50 customer goodwill statement credit” for the Image Card’s return. Mackie, who has had a Capital One credit card for years, returned the Nolte card Tuesday in a prepaid UPS Next Day Air envelope, which the bank helpfully provided. [TheSmokingGun]
I’d like to pretend it’d take more than $50 to buy me off, but the truth is I’d probably chug the grease trap at Arby’s for a couple bucks. Hey man, money’s money. Reached for comment, Nick Nolte said, “If’n he wants ta use mah picture it’s okay by me. Me, I never had much use for no credit cards. Though I usta have an old rattlesnake belt that they’d put notches in down at the saloon in Del Rio, then at week’s end me ‘n the proprietor’d settle up, minus the taxidermy work I’d do fer him from time to time. That was back in ‘54, before a laudanum overdose done took mah third wife Melba, God rest ‘er soul.”
This new 2012 teaser (video after the jump) is vintage Roland Emmerich, cutting between CG shots of the world flooding and reaction shots of people going “Oh no, the word’s flooding!” At the end, it helpfully suggests that you Google search “2012″. I’ll save you the trouble - basically, the Mayans were told by their gods that the world would end December 21st, 2012. Of course, these were the same asshole gods who didn’t tell them shit about inventing gunpowder.
You know what would really improve a Roland Emmerich movie? Nick Nolte. Nick Nolte would drink armageddon under the table.
Howdy, folks, Nolte here again. It’s been a busy week but now it’s time to relax. Personally, when I unwind I like to make myself a nice bourbon-flavored martini, tremored not stirred, garnished with a little gravel, and then find myself a clean floor to pass out on. Anyhow, here are some of the stories that were grindin my guts this week:
Bond Makes $79 Million in Product Placement
Bond hawkin Fords, I never thought I’d see it. Though I lost my virginity on the engine block of a Model T. Brings back memories. Miss that good ol’ leaded gasoline.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood, Prince
I like them magic stories. Reminds me a my 6th wife, Conchita, witch doctor I met in Guadalajara. Whittled her a ring out of a rattle snake back in ’74.
Joaquin Phoenix Retires From Acting
Sounds like he ain’t retired from railin’ percocets, I’ll tell ya that.
Princess Leia Pillow Fight
Heh, looks like my kinda party. Still, it ain’t a proper Princess Leia pillow fight till you glue razor blades to their forelegs.
Read the rest of this entry »
