Not many people realize that 71-year old grizzled whisky hound Nick Nolte actually got his start in Hollywood after he starred in a Clairol commercial with Sigourney Weaver. Now you have something that you can impress your friends with when you all meet for Bud heavies after you punch out at the steel mill. Nolte was also originally a promising football player, but thanks to his success as a hunky model, casting directors quickly took notice and he first showed up in Walt Disney’s Wonderful World of Color, whatever that was.

Nolte soon carved his niche as ultimate rough-around-the-edges leading male, culminating in People Magazine naming him the “Sexiest Man Alive” in 1992. Nick Nolte was Channing Tatum before Channing Tatum was even strapping on his first pair of fly kicks.

Unfortunately, most people only know Nolte for his unfortunate 2002 drunk driving mugshot, and not this much more handsome mugshot. But I’m extremely happy to tell you all today – especially the ladies – that hunky Nolte is back and he is better than ever.

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Two new big trailers released last night/today, Kathryn Bigelow’s Zero Dark Thirty and Ruben Fleischer’s Gangster Squad. Watch ‘em both below, ya lucky so-and-so.

Zero Dark Thirty
You can’t overhype the pedigree here, with Kathryn Bigelow reteamed with her Hurt Locker screenwriter Mark Boal and a cast that includes Jessica Chastain, Chris Pratt, and Mark Strong, taking on the events of the Bin Laden raid. Oh and look, it’s Kyle Chandler playing a government dude again. Oh Kyle Chandler, why do you love the government so? But I’m not gonna lie, I’m not sold on this. Can you name me a single example of a good movie that was made depicting events as recent as this? It takes time to digest history into nice, nuanced story. They couldn’t have made Argo in 1981. Maybe they’ll prove me wrong, but so far I’m seeing a lot of explosions and dramatic music without a lot of substantive content. Plus the title sounds like bad dialog from an interracial porno. “Come here, baby, you know what time it is. Aw yeah, girl, isss zero dark thirty.” (*schlong*)

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"Ma'am? Can you put your coat back on, please, you've had too much Chardonnay."

Parker, the trailer for which you can watch below, looks like every Jason Statham movie ever, with the added benefit that this one also has Nick Nolte, the Commish, and that lady from the Fiat commercials.

Parker (Jason Statham) is a professional thief who lives by a personal code of ethics: Don’t steal from people who can’t afford it and don’t hurt people who don’t deserve it. But on his latest heist, his crew double crosses him, steals his stash, and leaves him for dead. Determined to make sure they regret it, Parker tracks them to PalmBeach, playground of the rich and famous, where the crew is planning their biggest heist ever. Donning the disguise of a rich Texan, Parker takes on an unlikely partner, Leslie (Jennifer Lopez), a savvy insider, who’s short on cash, but big on looks, smarts and ambition.

And ass. She’s big on looks, smarts, ambition, and ass. Big like Texas. Anyway, as always, I asked my friend The Stath for his commentary.

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I don’t usually post random paparazzi pictures of celebrities and their families, but I could watch Nick Nolte do almost anything. Whether he’s searching for a lost satchel or adopting crows while he plays the didgeridoo, Nick Nolte is a prehistoric, unkillable booze machine whose entire life is a fish-out-of-water comedy, and I dig that about him. Here he is riding bumper cars with his 5-year-old daughter (Nick Nolte is 71) at a carnival in Malibu. I’m told that seconds after this was taken, he puked up three Xanax, two heartworm pills for dogs, and a priceless Indian arrowhead.

As for the expression on his face, I think it’s clear the gypsy woman he punched out one drunken night in Budapest is finally coming through on her threat to turn him into a pig.

[US Weekly]

"Hey girl, sorry I'm not making eye contact, but I'm on the lookout for no-gooders."

Due out on September 7, Gangster Squad technically doesn’t qualify as a summer blockbuster, but it’s most likely going to produce like one at the box office. Starring Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, and Vince’s spirit animal, Nick Nolte, Gangster Squad is the story of a team of Los Angeles police badasses in the 1940s that does everything within the law and beyond to keep the mafia from planting its roots on the west coast. Basically, it’s a lot like Three Ninjas.

In the new trailer – after the jump – we’re shown a lot more yelling and crinkled facial expressions by Sean Penn, but not as much Baby Goose as we deserve. That got me thinking – you know what would be great? An animated film called Gangster Goose, in which Gosling plays a daddy goose who teaches kids that it’s important to put family first. But instead of violence, he’ll defeat the police with hugs.

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