"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME HERE!"

After the jump, I’ve got the new trailer for Justice, starring Nic Cage, January Jones, and Guy Pearce, from Roger Donaldson, director of Dante’s Peak, Species, and (the underrated) Bank Job. In it, Nic Cage plays a regular, every day dude with a freakishly smooth and large forehead, until ONE day, (*RECORD SCRATCH*), someone assaults his wife, January Jones, probably because she said something bitchy like always. That’s when Guy Pearce shows up and he’s all like, “Yo, Cage-o, you want us to find this dude and beat his ass, or what? You just gotta do me a favor some time in the future.” And Nic Cage is like, “Sure, homes, that sounds pretty good or whatever.” But then, wouldn’t you know it, Nic gets MORE THAN HE BARGAINED FOR. Because… uh… Guy Pearce wants him… to be in their vigilante gang, or something? But Nic Cage doesn’t want to, for some reason? I dunno, it looks pretty weird. To be honest, I sort of shut down after I made that Photoshop.

Read the rest of this entry »

This trailer for Ghost Rider 2: Voodoo Glow Skull came out a couple days ago and somehow slipped by. But fear not, for that shall be REMEDIED IMMEDIATELY! Now, I know, the idea of making a second Ghost Rider film would be considered nearly universally idiotic by anyone not directly involved in the production, but teaming directors Neveldine and Taylor (the apples of Armond White’s eye) with Nic Cage is an idea so batsh*t it just might work. At the very least, it’s a train wreck I’d like to witness. And besides, it’s called Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. Get it? He’s a spirit, and he’s out for vengeance! It works on so many levels!

Read the rest of this entry »

DANCE OFF!

Joel Schumacher, the man who put nipples on the bat suit, is back, coming off a film which rated 4% on Rottentomatoes and earned less than a million dollars (and before that was The Number 23, which rated 8%).  But he’s got a surefire plan to resurrect his career: NIC CAGE! In Trespass, whose trailer is below, Cage and Nicole Kidman play a rich couple whose house gets invaded by robbers like in Panic Room, but then some other stuff happens to make it different probably. And then Nic Cage is all, “If it’s money you’re after, I can tell you that I have none. What I do have is a big weird forehead and grating voice that make me a nightmare for people like you, people with eyes and ears.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance opens February 2012, and Sony has just released the first batch of publicity stills. I feel like if you polled a diverse cross section of adults on whether making a sequel to Ghost Rider is a terrible idea, that would be about as close as you could come to a perfect consensus. And yet, with Crank‘s Neveldine and Taylor behind the cameras and Nic Cage back as the lead, there could be a perfect storm of pure batsh*ttery brewing that connoisseurs of ridiculosity like myself would be loathe to miss. Certainly, at the least, it’s an early favorite for Armond White’s favorite movie of 2012. You may recall that he once said of Neveldine and Taylor: “Neveldine-Taylor stand so lonely on the culture’s edge that their au courant ingenuity seems absolutely avant-garde when compared to standard box-office formula.” Personally I find his fin de siecle Manichean verisimilitude somewhat disquieting, but I can’t say I disagree.

Co-director Brian Taylor offered a reminder of their star’s collaborative approach: “Nic trusts us. He was actually one of the guys we wanted for Crank, but we was out of our price range. Now we’ve got him and he’s absolutely fearless. You invite him to go there, he’ll go there. He just needs to be invited – like a vampire.” [From Empire's set visit]

They wanted Nic Cage, and ended up with Jason Statham as a consolation prize. I… I’m having a hard time processing that. I may have to go lie down for a few minutes.

Read the rest of this entry »

"Two new parents, please."

I don’t know how to say this, folks, because I’m still in shock.  “Nic Cage’s son hospitalized for psychiatric evaluation” just isn’t a headline I ever expected to read.  I MEAN WHAT’S NEXT, RAINING LIZARDS?!  But incredibly, it’s true.  Nic Cage’s son, Weston Coppola Cage, the famous black metal musician and lead singer of the band Eyes of Noctum, is being investigated for psychiatric issues.  WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING?

Weston Cage, Nic Cage’s son, was taken for a mental health evaluation after he was arrested for becoming violent [with] his physical trainer. The incident occurred at 4:00 pm at The Farmer’s Kitchen in Hollywood.  Cage apparently became angry after his trainer would not allow him to eat something that he wanted on the menu.

NO!? NOT THE BEETS!? (*punches out lady*)

Cage tried a roundhouse kick on his trainer, but the fight was won by the trainer when he took Cage to the ground.

NOTE TO ANGRY GOTH KIDS EVERYWHERE: Stop it. You do not know karate.

Read the rest of this entry »