Sh*tter's full, guys. Sh*tter's full.

New Line Cinema has hired writers John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein to reboot the classic Chevy Chase Vacation franchise, and if you’re about to shout at God and ask, “Why would they do this?”, don’t bother. You should have seen it coming.

The newest version will revisit the original National Lampoon’s Vacation cast, with Anthony Michael Hall reprising his role as the first Rusty Griswold, as opposed to the other Rustys, like pig face, the kid who was suddenly younger than Audrey, and Ethan Embry. Simply titled Vacation, the new film will focus on Rusty as the Griswold patriarch as he and his family embark on their first family trip, which will undoubtedly include them bumping into Clark and Ellen, because Chase and Beverly D’Angelo could probably use the cash.

Don’t worry, though, New Line says that the project is in good hands. Now punch that moose in the nose, L.A. Times:

The writers on the film (also the writers, incidentally, on “Horrible Bosses”) have finished a second draft of the script, and studio New Line is eager to get moving on the reboot, according to a person briefed on the project who was not authorized to talk about it publicly.

The company is reaching out to potential directors, said the person, including Pete Segal, the director of “50 First Dates,” who has some experience with reviving classic comedies, having directed the remakes of “The Longest Yard” and “Get Smart.”

Because when I think classic comedy revival success stories, I think The Longest Yard and Get Smart. But cynicism aside, this isn’t the worst idea to ever come from Hollywood. It could be nice to see a new Griswold clan hit the road and revive the hilarity of East St. Louis racism, dead family members and proud incest. That is, until they cast Rob Schneider as Cousin Eddie’s son and then all bets are off.

One interesting phenomena of the movie business is that if you can get a star attached to a project, a studio will pay you, no matter how dumb or half-assed the pitch is, even if the entirety of your idea is a stick figure drawn on a napkin in lipstick under the words “time machine.”  Last week there was a six to seven-figure deal for Ryan Reynolds in drag.  Today, the star is Disney jailbait Selena Gomez.  The pitch?  An old sketch from Chappelle’s Show.  I’m not even exaggerating.

[The project]:
“New Line’s decided to find out “What Boys Want,” snapping up the comedy pitch by Amy Andelson and Emily Meyer and attaching teen star Selena Gomez to topline.  Story centers on a teenage girl who can hear what men are thinking.” [Variety]

[Dave Chappelle's intro to a sketch called "What Men Want"]:
“You ever see that movie, What Women Want, with Mel Gibson?  Where he could read women’s minds?  See that’s the kinda movie you could only do with a guy, like Mel Gibson.  You couldn’t do the opposite of that movie, What Men Want, because it’d be too gross, and disgusting.”

Now what the hell am I supposed to write?  Dave Chappelle already wrote the joke for this post five years ago.  The best part is, a stoned comedian took the idea a step further in a one-minute sketch than two writers did in a pitch they probably got paid a few hundred grand for.  The upside to making utterly forgettable movies is that you can just make them again a few years later and no one notices.