We’ve known for some time that The Smurfs would be getting the Alvin and the Chipmunks treatment (BIG F*CKING GLASSY EYES! DANCING TO POPULAR MUSIC!).  We’ve also seen Hank Azaria in costume as Gargamel.  But today for the first time, we see an official picture of the smurfs.  Oh I know, I was as smurfed as you are.  Smurf me up a super-lame lead, USA Today.

The Smurfs are three apples tall, according to creator Peyo.  Of course, that doesn’t mean much in the Big Apple.

(*riding by on biplane*)  OOOOOOHHHHH SNNNNAAAaaaaaaaappppp…..

Of course, the original Smurfs was about Gargamel wanting to eat them, and implied cannibalism was quickly deemed too edgy for the generation of twinks we’ve raised on Zac Efron and The Disney Channel.  Changes had to be made.  Script, cast out thy consequences.

Eating the Smurfs was always Gargamel’s unfulfilled goal, but that’s one idea the filmmakers decided to scrap. “We all wondered whether we would be making a family version of Sweeney Todd,” jokes producer Jordan Kerner (Charlotte’s Web). Now, Gargamel simply wants to capture the Smurfs to serve as charms, whose mystical essence will make his inept magic more powerful — and dangerous.

A bad guy trying to eat you?  I don’t get it.  That’s stupid.  A bad guy trying to collect you like Pokemon cards?  Great, makes total sense now.  They also report that there’s also a new character, “Gutsy”, who they describe as “brave to a fault.”  I’m sure he’ll be right at home with the other new smurfs, “Bloggy” and “Participation Ribbon.”  WAIT!  DID SOMEONE SAY MAGIC??

This movie needs more Nic Cage.  There should be a smurf named Nic Cage.  He teaches the other smurfs magic with his ridiculous hair.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had to type or think about Mary-Kate Olsen in any way, and you know what?  It’s been nice.  I didn’t miss it at all.  But now she’s back in this trailer for Beastly, a “modern take on Beauty and the Beast.” She plays a witch, which I guess makes sense.  I don’t want to burn her at the stake, but I do get the strong urge to smack her between the eyes with a rolled-up newspaper. Shoo! Stay outta my trash cans!

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That The Hurt Locker went home empty handed sort of sums up the joke that is the Golden Globe awards, but I’m going to cover them anyway because Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would’ve wanted it this way.  Avatar won the big award of the night and you can see part of James Cameron’s acceptance speech above. (With hair provided by meninladywigs.com).

“If you have to go four and a half light years to a made-up planet to appreciate this miracle of a world we have right here, well you know what?  That’s the wonder of cinema right there, that’s the magic.”

“…And I am the head magician!  ABRA CADABRA, MOTHERF*CKERS!” he shouted before taking a dump in a nest of $100 bills and throwing it at a $10,000-a-night prostitute.

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DAILY CIRCLE J LINKS

• Reports say Jay Leno is Indian-giving Conan his time slot, though NBC denies it. I feel bad for Conan, though I’d feel even worse if he’d give up that ridiculous haircut.  |WarmingGlow|
• Punter was right, ‘Bama beat Texas and the spread was irrelevant.  Where the hell was Sandra Bullock’s kid on that block?  |WithLeather|
• Deleted scenes from Superman IV.  |GammaSquad|
• The creepiest, strangest, and most depressing TV commercials.  |CollegeHumor|
• Failure of Pacquiao-Mayweather again proves that boxing is a massive clusterF. |BleacherReport|
• Jonathan Levine and Anna Kendrick join I’m With Cancer.  Ha, I have that t-shirt. |Pajiba|
• Interviews from Youth in Revolt |G4|
• Aw, those wacky Asians, trying to jab a baby’s brain with a chopstick. |FListed|
• 25 Epic Faceplant pictures. |HolyTaco|

PICTURED: An old roommate of mine bought this autographed picture of NPH at a yard sale for a dollar.  This was of course before the Neil Patrick Harris renaissance.  I don’t who Greta is, but GD, that is the worst celebrity candid photo I’ve ever seen.  Adolescence is already awkward enough without Jeffrey Dahmer glasses, a white-boy mustachio, and what appears to be a Ford Taurus (hey… weren’t you rich?).

Aw yeah, nothing like an obscure internet feud to start off the new year.  So apparently Neil Patrick Harris was asking his Twitter followers to support him in the AfterElton.com Man of the Decade awards (editor’s note: I have no idea what that is).  NPH’s followers and Kevin Smith’s overlap, and some fans appealed to Kevin Smith for his vote.  At which point Smith said he wasn’t a fan of NPH, citing this exchange from an interview NPH did while promoting the Harold & Kumar sequel:

Neil Patrick Harris: They were smart for actually hiring two actors that were actual actors playing parts, instead of hiring two sort of dudes that were those guys. They didn’t hire like Jason Mewes and the other dude… Silent Bob… What is that movie Jay and Silent Bob, like what’s Jay’s name?
Quint: Jason Mewes, you were right.
Neil Patrick Harris: He was this drugged out mess of a guy that was his friend and so he just cast him in the movie and filmed him doing crazy sh*t.

Kevin Smith took offense to that, which is natural, considering putting Jason Mewes in his movies is the best thing he’s ever done.  From Movieline:

“I mean, why say something like that?” Smith tweeted. “S’not true OR respectful of a fellow performer. Dude essentially said Mewes isn’t an actor. Wow…It’s a snobby, reductive diss.” The director has continued to defend Mewes and lay into Harris over the last twelve hours of nonstop Twittering, writing that Harris’s accusation “is not only untrue, it minimizes Mewes’ contributions as AN ACTOR. It’s a narrow-minded, ignorantly reductive sentiment, patched together from quasi-facts that aren’t even related. It’s akin to me knowing NPH is gay & knowing he’s on [How I Met Your Mother], and then somehow coming to the conclusion that his process must include a d*ck in his mouth right before each take… & THEN EXPRESSING THAT SAME BAFFLING IGNORANCE IN AN INTERVIEW.”

To which Neil Patrick Harris fired back:

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