Perhaps the most shocking development in modern movie history, FilmDrunk favorite and admitted cuddlebug Ryan Gosling is starring in a NC-17 movie. Blue Valentine, which is set for a limited release on December 31, received the box office cursing rating because of what some analysts have called a seriously intense sex scene between Gosling and his co-star Michelle Williams. And if you need any evidence of that intensity, check out the incredibly passionate and extreme poster that was just released for the film. Hey girl, don’t worry, I’ll cover your eyes at the naughty parts.

Valentine was an instant hit at Sundance and Cannes this year but the aforementioned gritty and intense sex scene has left the film lingering in NC-17 limbo. However, the always over-the-top and spaztastic Ted Casablanca at E! is up in arms over this rating and I’m worried because I don’t want him to spill his Pinkberry in a fit of rage.

Why should we even see the movie if the poster tells us everything we need to know, Ted?

Because, as you’ll remember, it isn’t sex that scored this flick it’s pseudo X-rating. And that’s why the poster perfectly encompasses the dark and gritty sexiness of the flick.

No nudity necessary—’cause there’s practically no nudity in the movie, either. Is this the weirdest ratings dissing ever, or what?

Dude, chill out, it’s a freaking poster. I just walked by the movie theater next to my office like an hour ago and it has a poster for Megamind up and I didn’t sit there and try to break down how the placement of the characters reflects the mesmerizing diabolical nature of the film’s animated antagonist. Actually, I farted and thought about getting ice cream. I didn’t, though. Hey girl, these rippling abs don’t need any fudge ripple.

A trailer for Blue Valentine awaits you after the jump…

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Derek Cianfrance’s Blue Valentine is in the news today after the MPAA slapped it with an NC-17 rating, and no one seems to know why. It played at Sundance, and people who saw it say it has “barely any nudity.” Meanwhile, the trailer just hit Yahoo movies, and it features Ryan Baby Goose Gosling playing the ukulele while Michelle Williams tap dances.  Ahh, now I see why it’s rated NC-17.  I wouldn’t want my kids around these f*cking hipsters either.

Hey, girl.  My fans are called huggalos. You should fan us on Facebook!  Haha, but only if you want to.

Bruno, Sacha Baron Cohen’s follow up to Borat, has received an NC-17 rating in its first submission to the MPAA, the shadowy cabal with the power to basically torpedo your movie if they want, since most theaters won’t show an NC-17 film.  In this case, however, since Bruno comes from a major studio (Universal), it will just get re-cut a few more times until they can get an R.

Among the objectionable scenes is one in which Bruno appears to have anal sex with a man on camera. In another, the actor goes on a hunting trip and sneaks naked into the tent of one of the fellow hunters, an unsuspecting non-actor.

Cohen is currently appealing the decision while simultaneously struggling with cutting the film to suit the ratings board. But the ratings board, a secret panel of parents appointed by the studio-owned movie association, is notoriously inexact about what it requires to move from an NC-17 to an R.

Audiences saw 20 minutes of Cohen’s latest foray into high-wire comedy at the South by SouthWest festival this month.

In one scene showed at the festival, Bruno auditioned children for a subversive movie with a number of offensive acts. Clueless stage moms agreed to the increasingly absurd requirements set forth by the actor, including one woman admitting that her infant daughter could lose seven pounds in a week to fit the part.

Finally, Bruno told her about the scene, in which the child had to dress as a Nazi pushing someone into an oven. [thewrap via theplaylist]

I’m so glad that there’s a group of unemployed moms in Burbank with the power to determine what kind of movie I get to see.  Without them we’d probably all be lining up for Air Bud 7: Doggy Shoots a Snuff Film.  Admit it, you’d buy a ticket.

Subjoke: Simulated anal sex and holocaust references?  Sounds like the time I went speed dating.

Those fun-hating shrivs at the MPA-gAy are once again proving that there’s nothing they hate more than bare titties. Specifically, Kevin Smith’s been having trouble getting an R rating for Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Seth Rogen (one of the film’s stars) tells MTV:

"A guy f—ing a donkey, they ain’t got no problem with. But a man and a woman having sex they seem to have real issues with, for some weird reason. It’s insane. It’s completely insane.  …They [fight against] sex stuff. Isn’t that weird? It’s really crazy to me that ‘Hostel’ is fine, with people gouging their eyes out and sh– like that," Rogen shrugged. "But you can’t show two people having sex — that’s too much."

It’s pretty common for people in trouble for graphic sex to cite the MPAA’s tolerance for graphic violence.  But no matter how often it gets said, it’s true, violence is way worse than sex.  Like the time Suzie Masterson kicked me in the shins in third grade.  I would’ve much preferred a blow job.  Hell, a hand job, even.