I don’t know about you, but so many times when I’ve been reading movie reviews I’ve thought, “Hey, you know what could make this better?  A critic who was more like an infomercial pitch man hired by a movie studio, with no life experience or identifiably human traits, but with boundless enthusiasm!”  Folks, that’s why the day I discovered 11-year-old film critic “Lights, Camera, Jackson!” here was one of the most important moments of my life.  Here he is (via TodaysBigThing) on NBC’s Early Show talking summer movies.  On Inception:

“IT’S MINDBLOWING!  It’s dreams within dreams within dreams!  The movie isn’t really made for people my age, so I didn’t find it really appealing, or that much entertaining.  It was visually stunning, but it was sooooo confusing!!”

Haha!  He sounds just like me at 11!  Except for the part where I yelled, “I wanna see the movie with the titties!” and threw a frog at the TV.  Here’s what he had to say about Ramona and Beezus:

“It’s a new, family film, a good, light-hearted, g-rated family film, which I really like.”

“Hello, 911?  Yeah, I don’t know who to talk to about this, but someone’s douche-bot seems to be malfunctioning.  It looks like the gain is turned up too high. Uh huh. Yeah. And I think the light behind the eyes needs to be replaced.”

After initially ordering a full season, NBC has decided to pull the plug on Knight Rider with four shows to go.  I blame the collapse of the auto industry.  Because there’s no way anyone with the right number of chromosomes could’ve possibly seen five seconds of that godawful show and decided people wanted more unless Ford was footing the bill.  The closest comparison for it I can think of is a bad infomercial, which isn’t quite fair. I’d much rather watch someone clean up grandma’s drool with a Sham-Wow than watch this tool act continually surprised.  This was so bad it made the David Hasshoff version look good.  It was so bad it made the product placement in Transformers seem tasteful.  It was… worse than Viva Laughlin.

Also: where the hell was this scene supposed to have taken place?  Did they not even bother to cover the f-cking black background of the stage? Makes sense, I guess. “Oops, a guy with a boom mike wandered into the shot on that last take.” “Meh, print it, it’s almost lunch.”
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NBC’s Knight Rider TV movie was up there with croc sandals, the Holocaust, and Viva Laughlin in terms of things so bad you can scarcely believe they’re real.  But that didn’t stop NBC from moving forward with a complete series, because they’re evil and/or retarded.

Knight Rider has been given an episodic order and has been mentioned as a contender for a Friday night timeslot.

But it’s important to balance any guesses about NBC’s new sked with one important caveat: Even Peacock insiders say what will be revealed this week will be written in pencil. Execs have made it clear they’ll reserve the right to make changes in order to react to competitors’ moves or if promising scripts or pilots take a wrong creative turn.

Considering the decision, I’m surprised it won’t be written in crayon, or safety pencil, or alphabet soup.  I guess bottom line, expect misspellings. 

"We’re selling advertisers platforms as opposed to specific shows," said NBC Entertainment co-chairman Marc Graboff.  What’s important is not that, say, "Knight Rider" airs Fridays at 9 but that the Peacock delivers some sort of action-drama in that timeslot.  "Advertisers don’t care as much about a specific show as opposed to ‘Am I getting the kinds of eyeballs I paid for?’" Graboff added.

They’re obviously after the kind of eyeballs with nothing behind them.  Anyway, read the rest of the source article if you like being depressed.  I haven’t finished it myself, but any second now I get the feeling Graboff’s going to bite the head off a live puppy and then cackle maniacally.