UPDATE: Apparently this isn’t the “official” trailer. More on that here.

Hesher, starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Natalie Portman, finally has a trailer, and it puts me in a bit of a bind.  I’ve been pretty open about how much I liked this movie, but now the trailer has JGL taking a kick to the meat bucket at the 58-second mark, and we’ve long maintained that a nutshot in the trailer is the kiss of death for any movie.  But (500) Days of Summer had a retarded ending and people liked it anyway, probably because of Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  Maybe JGL is so well-liked that he could actually transcend the laws of nutshots in movie trailers, thus rewriting the laws of the universe!  If he can pull this off, Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s balls will have more indie cred than Ryan Gosling’s ukulele.  They could even start a band together called, uh… Balls and Sebastian.  Yeah, let’s go with that. (Wait no, “Dead Man‘s Balls?” Aw, forget it.)

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Looks like Marvel finished some more of the effects on Thor and wanted to show them off in this new trailer.  This time around, Thor fights a shiny metal dude who shoots fire from his face like Gort from The Day the Earth Stood Still (no, I’m not going to look it up), plus a giant demon thingie reminiscent of the butthole monster from Star Trek.  The rest of the time Thor mostly spends being confused and frightened by our human ways.  “Your honor, I’m just a simple Viking God who angered Odin and was sent here through a space tunnel from the land of myth.  I find your Earth realm strange and confusing.  When I get shot with a taser, did little demons climb inside the cable and paralyze my Heaven muscles? My primitive, mythological space brain can’t grasp such concepts.”

All in all, the wildness of the concept and bizarre choice of director and cast makes this probably my most anticipated of the upcoming superhero movies.  That’s why it’s too bad I have to boycott it on account of one of the Viking Gods not being depicted as a pure white Aryan.

Meanwhile, the worst part about the new trailer is that it fails to get across the most important moment, the moment where I TOTALLY SAW THOR IN THE AIRPORT THE OTHER DAY!

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Poor Natalie Portman cries a lot.  I still prefer to remember her as the little girl from The Professional, before she married a ballerino. |via ScreenRant|

MORNING LINKS

• Reinstalling Ubuntu, Repeatedly: A Field Guide. |Uproxx|
• Why Is Sony Making a New N-Gage? |UproxxNews|
• Looks like the creator of Community wrote a Paul Blart Presents episode. |WarmingGlow|
• Neil Gaiman hearts piracy. |GammaSquad|
• Ghostface Killah’s Valentine’s advice. |SmokingSection|
• 400-lb shoplifter’s robbery foiled when she gets her rascal scooter wedged in a doorway. |BostonBarstoolSports|

 

• Corgi puppies at nap time.  No, fellas, over here! |TheDailyWhat|
• It’s not a real Valentine’s present unless it’s delivered via Alpaca. ALPACA LIPS NOW! |Buzzfd|
• Irina Shayk is your SI Swimsuit cover girl. Nice to see they picked someone with nice boobs for a change. |WWTDD|
• Ron Jeremy’s candy hearts. |HolyTaco|
• I wonder if Valerie knows that shirt is see through. Probably not. |GorillaMask|
• Justin Bieber fans are defacing wikipedia. |Fark|
• In Response to ‘GoodLuckChrisBrown’ Trending on Twitter |TheSuperFicial|
• A Collection Of Old School Sexist Ads. |EgoTVOnline|
• Check Out ‘Exist,’ a Cool Sci-Fi Short About Making It Big in L.A.. |Moviefone|

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Much has been made of Natalie Portman’s dorky laugh from the Golden Globes last weekend. It was discussed in real time on Twitter, and the next day on blogs everywhere. Then someone created an 8 second loop of the laugh, and posted it on YouTube. After that, friend of Film Drunk and Frotcast regular Lindy West took it to its logical conclusion by putting out a call for a mashup featuring said loop and Brendan Fraser’s Once and Future King of the Doofs clap and point from last year’s Golden Globes. Well, since I am the hero the Internet needs, I have stepped up to the plate. Above, please find the requested mashup. You are welcome, world and Lindy West.

Three brief notes about the video:

1) I invited a Film Drunk favorite into the mashup. I figured he’d be down to “party.”

2) I’m well aware that three and a half minutes is way, WAY too long of a loop. In my defense, I had like six psychotic breakdowns while editing this together. Natalie Portman’s laugh now haunts my soul. I think Vince summed it up pretty well in an email when he said, “I’ve been grinding my teeth to the rhythm of her laugh for the last 10 minutes.” Again, you are welcome.

3) As a palate cleanser, here is a picture of a baby polar bear I found on Buzzfeed.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I made this video yesterday afternoon after class, but sat on it until today. Then, earlier this morning, I saw that College Humor put together their own version, also featuring Brendan Fraser. So, for any of you residing in the greater Philadelphia area, that pained screaming you heard around 9 AM was me. Sorry if I woke you.

This isn’t the most gracefully-edited mashup I’ve ever seen, and four minutes and thirty seconds is a long time to watch Leonardo DiCaprio freaking out, but still, it is four straight minutes of Leonardo freaking out.  I also could’ve used more Leonardo in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.  But then I also said that about Schindler’s List.  That mashup and more, after the jump!

(*climbs into metallic pink smart car, speeds away*)

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