Thor is Marvel’s latest comic book movie project, but it’s sort of a weird one, because it involves Norse mythology and it’s being directed by Kenneth Branagh, who has a major boner for Shakespeare. And it just got weirder because Tony Hopkins (can I call him Tony? how come no one calls him Tony?) has been cast as Odin, Thor’s father. From THR:
The movie’s story sees the god of thunder Thor, a powerful but arrogant warrior whose reckless actions re-ignite an ancient war. As punishment, Thor is cast down to Earth and forced to live among humans. Once here, he learns what it takes to be a true hero when the most dangerous villain of his world sends dark forces of Asgard to invade Earth. Chris Hemsworth is Thor and the cast includes Tom Hiddleston and Natalie Portman among others.
Anthony Hopkins, Kenneth Branagh — sources say it may be difficult to insure a film with this much gravitas. Also, I think Natalie Portman is dangerously miscast as a love interest for the Norse God of Thunder.
THOR: “Behold! Let us feast upon this lion I have slaughtered!”
PORTMAN: “Um, I’m a vegetarian? Oh hey, you have to check out this study I was just reading about in the New Yorker that says marriages last longer when the man helps with the house work.”
After the success of The Wrestler, it’s been easier for Darren Aronofsky to get Black Swan greenlit. Carson Reeves read the script and posted a review:
Can I just tell you why none of my review matters? Can I just tell you why my review is absolutely pointless?
Because in this movie, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis have sex.
Yeah. You read that right. And not just nice sweet innocent sex either. We’re talking ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex. [...]
I read the rest of the review (major spoiler in the last one third) , and he’s right. None of the rest of that review matters, because the whole time I’m reading I’m thinking, “Yeah, but what about the drugged-up angry ballerina lesbian sex? You can’t just talk about Swan Lake now, monkeyfighter. The world must know.”
~ robopanda
(Looks like someone was really excited to meet Hillary Clinton)
Yeah, so Marvel is making Thor. Kenneth Branagh is directing. Chris Hemsworth is the lead. And now Natalie Portman has been tapped (hee hee!) as the female lead. Yay, Norse Gods of Thunder looove cerebral New York hipster chicks!
Natalie Portman is starring as Jane Foster, the Thunder God’s love interest. In the original comics the character was a nurse who worked for Dr. Donald Blake, a regular old cripple who sometimes turned into Thor. [CHUD]
[From Marvel’s press release] Marvel Studios expands its film universe with a new type of superhero: THOR. This epic adventure spans the Marvel Universe; from present day Earth to the realm of Asgard. At the center of the story is The Mighty Thor, a powerful but arrogant warrior whose reckless actions reignite an ancient war. Thor is cast down to Earth and forced to live among humans as punishment. Once here, Thor learns what it takes to be a true hero when the most dangerous villain of his world sends the darkest forces of Asgard to invade Earth.
Huh, sounds kinda like the Bible, or Transformers. Meanwhile Kenneth Branagh previously directed As You Like It, Hamlet, and Much Ado About Nothing, and if Natalie Portman doesn’t mention Shakespeare during the press tour I’ll eat my own sh-t.
The other day I posted the first trailer for Brothers, the Jake Gyllenhaal, Toby Maguiiire, and Naataaalie Portmaan love triangle movie. Now Cinematical has the poster. “There are two sides… to every family.” And then there’s a big split down the middle of the poster. To reflect how their family has been split apart by war, you see. And NPort gives Eskimo kisses to Tobey’s shoulder. It’s like he was away so long she forgot where his cock is. But Jake didn’t. He knows, and it’s tearing him up inside.
Brothers is a Jim Sheridan-directed remake of the 2004 Danish film Brødre. It stars Jake Gyllenhaal as a hot dude whose brother Tobey Maguire is presumed dead after a tour in Afghanistan. He comforts his dead brother’s wife, Natalie Portman, first with kind words but later with his penis and washboard abs. And that’s when Tobey Maguire shows up - he wasn’t dead after all! Drama! It opens December 4th, and Spike Lee is going to be rightly pissed when he finds out they made a movie called Brothers without a single black dude in it. And it’s got Tobey Maguire instead, which is just adding insult to injury. Tobey Maguire is to being white as Djimon Hounsou is to being black.
